This is Part deux of Dating, From a Strictly Extra-terrestrial Point of View
...
You sit by the bar, and barely a few minutes later a truly beautiful woman comes close to order a drink. The muscles of your face betray you letting a tiny smirk escape. You know it's time.
OK then, let’s do this thing!
But Here's the thing that you didn't see coming.
Just when you stand up to go talk to her, the strangest thing happens. You feel that something is suddenly holding you back.
Oh crap!
You’re still standing up though you start questioning yourself, maybe she’s with someone, maybe I’m not wearing the right shirt, or maybe she’s not into dudes?
Now it would be a good time to realize ,that thing holding you back was fear.
Maybe that’s why those guys were shouting from the rooftops, because it was safer, because they were trying to hide their insecurities.
You know what, maybe I need another drink before I start approaching women.
Then you take another one, then another.
All of the sudden, you feel more relaxed, more happy, you got beer muscles so to speak.
Time to practice those pick up lines you were hording.
You go to pee, and there’s a beautiful woman also waiting in line to hit the girls room. You keep staring at her and admiring the extremely sexy way she’s dancing.
Well, actually she’s not dancing, that was just the effects of alcohol. In reality, she’s just shaking cause she really needs to pee.
But you don’t think twice and you go talk to her:
“Are you wearing Space Jeans?”
“What??” She says to you.
"Because your ass is out of this world!"
The other girls in the line are in shock, the guys are laughing. And some guy taps your shoulder and tells you: “Dude, that was a terrible pick-up line”.
If before you were afraid, now you’re ashamed too. And none of the other lines work either, in fact they’re just making you more insecure.
Good thing that alcohol has some memory erasing qualities, and by memory I mean shame.
You notice another pretty girl by the bar, and you know just the right pick up line to use this time:
"Sorry, but you owe me a drink."
Why?
"Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine."
She did Not buy you a drink.
And then rest of lines all had the same result.
Are you African? Because you're a frican babe.
Did you fall from heaven? Cause you’re face is pretty messed-up.
Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other.
Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
Lesson number one:
Maybe it’s not the pick up line, maybe it’s you. Maybe if you would’ve just acted more like yourself, you would’ve been much better off.
You see, girls can see past these things, you are not gonna seduce them by pretending to be cheesy, in fact all they see is an insecure guy who tries to be like someone he is not.
It’s then and only then that you realize that the best thing you could wear is a smile and the best pick up line of all is: “Hello”.
And for god’s sake, relax. You’re just talking to a girl you’ll probably never see again, it’s not like you’re prepping for a medical exam.
Just go in with no expectations and try to make her have a good time, if something comes out of it then it’s beautiful, otherwise it’s a nice memory.
But whatever you do, do not compliment her on her space jeans.
NO... SPACE... JEANS... Got it! Thanks, that was a good laugh. Yet, I totally understand the butterflies and the awkwardness factors, which are in themselves hardly a bit of a laughing matter, especially when it comes to me trying to connect with a woman I really like.
The pressure definitely comes from me as I hope to be treated decently, even if I stumble over my feet and my tongue twists up when I try to speak a semi-coherent sentence.
God job and a solid choice of pictures too... Namaste :)
Thanks Eric! Yeah I think there is no way around awkwardness, everyone deals with that.. Maybe laughing about it makes it easier :)
As a simple specimen of this planet I would like to offer some piece of my mind to the *extra-terestrial visitor like you @the-alien.
You say that it's not a medical exam when I go and talk to a girl....
You are right, its way worse.... My life is at stake.
You see, when I go and talk to her I risk her rejecting me and being humiliated by that, and everyone in my tribe seeing that and then rejecting me for I clearly lack value if I got rejected so I can't provide for anyone else. Clearly my value got even lower because there is already someone who rejected me so everyone else in my surrounding will be more likely to do that ...
And because of that I will be expelled from my tribe, becoming hungry, sad and dying alonein an empty abandoned cave :(.
And even worse, what if she is dating a tribeleader and he will come and club me to death (hopefully with a club, not some club music - as the other one would be pure torture) and I die instantly ...???
This, my alien friend, is why I struggle the most with in my life and attempt to fit in to this mad of a world ...
hahahaha! Dating the leader of the tribe is so... done a million of times.
Haha dating the tribe leader.
It is a mad world indeed :)
This is an amazing comment by the way!
That's true. social anxiety is a real thing.
NOPE. Sorry, but this alien DESPERATELY NEEDS a kindly wing-woman's advice. He could have saved himself a bit of money (and a rough hangover) and a lot of embarrassment if he had just ordered the first woman at the bar a drink....
I'd say something sweet, bubbly and feminine (like her of course)... a flute of Billecart-Salmon Rosé Brut champagne to be exact... or better, a flight of flutes... no, wait...even better yet! A champagne magnum complete with sparklers!
Everyone at the bar will want to know...who is this mysterious high roller?....
Haha that would work wonders!
P.S: This is just a comedy btw :)
Thanks for the awesome advice!
Great insight ;)
Thank you!
you just have to be yourself with confidence ;)
Indeed, confidence is very important.
Be yourself, have no expectations, and you'll have no disappointments, only pleasant surprises!
Hi, I'm Alexander. Nice to meet ya! :D
Absolutely! That's the best state of mind.
Hey Alexander! Nice to meet you too.
Chicks make space jeans look so good!
Haha!
Pick up lines rarely work...however comedy does..
Oh yeah, making a woman laugh is always a great thing.
are you a writer.....great work
Haha thanks. I'm glad you liked it :)
I do...following you now :-)
Thanks again!
Nice post. Thanks for a good laugh!
Haha I'm glad! Thanks for the nice comment!
The title just cracked me up. I had to upvote on this. I'm following.
Haha thanks!
sexy :)
Haha thanks!
Haha really enjoyed this! Dating has changed due to technology but honestly its still the same :)
Oh, yeah somethings the more they change, the more they remain the same :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
"Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other." Haha, so funny!
Great work my dear
I came to see what you were doing and I find a part two...part two?? Of course I found part one and I feel like the lucky one who didn't have to wait this time :)
I actually think the "You owe me a drink" is pretty good. Depending on the delivery, particularly if it's an actual confident guy using it, it might make someone laugh :)
Although what do I know about that, I've been with the same guy for two decades, and there was no pick up lines involved lol.
Edit: I was doing something else and I had to come back because I found myself imagining what someone from a different world would make of our dating scene and LOLOL.
If before you were afraid, now you’re ashamed too.
Don't be afred
Haha this fictional Steph, fictional :) And I'm not Afred ;)
This is amazing! Hahaha. Love it.
Chat up lines have got to be the worst attempts ever at getting the desired attention.. I've always cringed whenever I've heard them, even when they've made me laugh at being that cheesy. Simply being yourself should work, (it certainly did for my partner) I don't think men have to try to be funny as many of them often are naturally funny, some more than others, when they're not trying so hard. It doesn't take long to identify whether or not your sense of humour is attractive to the other so chat up lines are not needed. The laughter will come naturally and quite soon if you just be yourself. :)