I now have 23-days before I return my keys and In part 1 I gave you a brief description of my current status and outlook. Tomorrow I am going to visit a debt advisor and I hope to start bankruptcy proceedings. Due to some advice, given by @artonmysleeve, I have decided to hold off on the job search until tomorrow. I'm hoping the part-time job will still be available and in the meantime I will be polishing up my C.V., ready for after tomorrows meeting. I would apply for the job immediately, but it all depends on how long it takes to register as bankrupt. As soon as I have claimed the half-price fee, given to the unemployed, I can then return to work. It would be better for me to go into an interview knowing my start date, rather than giving the interviewer a gormless stare.
Now, on paper this all sounds straight forward, but my racing mind says otherwise. As I mentioned in the last post, the council housing on offer is not exactly desirable and I intend to provide my daughter with the same standard of living, hopefully better. My problem is that this will almost certainly involve full-time work as a mechanic and this is something I wish to avoid. I really have fallen out of love with being someone's bitch. Especially, when it comes to working in a garage. Watching some fat, pie-eating, floor manager, drive around in a £60,000 Range Rover, while I'm down the pit, sweating to keep the wagons rolling, is not my idea of a "career". HGV Mechanics get paid little over the minimum wage, in comparison to other professions. I spent 4-years at college and I'm very proud of what I achieved(HGV City & Guilds NVQ lv 3 in motor vehicle mechanics and electronics). I've held that title for 21-years now and the trade has taken me to some great places, but it only ever went so far, when it came to stimulation and challenging myself. Most garages are just service centres and the work is very monotonous. Couple this with uncompromising bosses and unsocial hours, all for not much above the pay of a shelf-stacker, and you begin to see where I'm coming from. Or maybe you don't and you totally disagree. I've got scars all over my body, I've been to hospital more times than I can remember and I've seen someone nearly crushed to death. HGV mechanics can be a scary job and you won't find many mechanics above 50-years old.
So you see, taking this kind of decision has it's negatives and on top of this I have to pay some attention to my anxiety levels. I feel dirty even mentioning it, anxiety's an embarrassing thing to have to deal with, imo. Since my last post I've honestly felt scared for the first time, about what's to come. However, fear can sometimes be a good source of courage and with that comes self-confidence, pride and many other positives. As you can probably tell, my head is awash with thoughts and I wonder if it's just time to shut-up and get back to work. Better the devil you know, as they say.
Regardless of all this, I have one more axe to grind. I will not go back to work, if it means giving all my earnings away to debtors. I've already stated that I can't afford to do this with todays high cost of living. Busting myself up for a half-decent wage is one thing, but doing that and coming out worse off, then I may as well get by "ducking & diving".
"The boy doth protest too much"
It doesn't take a psychologist to work out that I am slightly apprehensive to go back to full-time work. Since all this began I have lost my family unit, my family home, my Job, my health, many, many, friendships and a whole load of cash. All of that I can handle but as my daughter grows older she is starting to lose respect for me. This is how it feels, anyway. I am sure I am still her hero but the cracks are starting to show and we bicker much more than we ever used to.
I don't want my daughter thinking I wouldn't do anything for her, but when you feel like your being sat on by the proverbial "depression-bus" it's hard to keep on going, day after day. I mean, I haven't slept right for months now and my eating habit even more unhealthy than usual. 2 days without food is very easy when you're depressed and anxious and it happens often enough for me to be used to it. I no longer get hunger pains, I just feel sick. Then it comes to a point where I have to eat and everything returns to normal for a while. If it wasn't for the fact that my daughter stays with me for a whole week(One week with me, the next her mother) this would be a more of a problem, but while she stays with me we eat very well. I love cooking for my daughter and now she have fallen in love with her "spi-phone" it's nice to have her sat down for dinner.
So, as it stands I eat quite well, every other week, however, the same can not be said for my sleep pattern. I was born a night-owl and I detest waking up to an alarm clock, it's just unnatural. Even as a schoolboy I was always late to arrive and nothing has changed since. Many of my jobs have been night-shifts and I really enjoy this type of work. Now I am a single dad this is no longer an option. It's a shame because the money you get for working nights makes up for the risks.
This all sounds very negative of me, I know, and some of you will no doubt be saying that I am making excuses. Maybe you're right and maybe this why I am in the mess I am in today. But there is a positive side to my thinking's and this will be talked about in the next post. I just wanted to explain my reluctance to return to full time HGV mechanics.
Now I think that's enough about my head-space and to finish I will begin telling you how my debts transformed from £80 to £10,000, with just a few years.
Once upon a time...
OK, that's about as close as you're gonna get to a fairy tale, so lets bring us all back to reality with a bang...
7-years ago, I asked the mother of my child to leave the house. My mental state had been rotted to its core and like a collapsing star, it exploded in an act of self-preservation. There are times when I have regretted that decision, but in the end it was the right thing to do and now water has passed under the bridge I am a much stronger person.
What happened devastated me and it was something that was, unfortunately, stretched out over a long period. I came to a realisation that something needed to change when I had the greatest urge to drive my work-van straight into the trees that lines the duel carriageway. I was on my way home from work, balling my eyes out, while thinking about returning to my corrosive relationship. I only have my daughter to thank for the strength to keep the steering wheel straight that day, she is my rock as has been from the day she was announced.
For a time reference, I find it helpful to use music and at the time I was listening to a guy called "Plan B" and this song sums up just how I was feeling at this time.
This wasn't exactly the beginning of it all, but when ever does anyone acknowledge when these things begin. If we did, I guess these things wouldn't happen in the first place. Regardless, time rolled on and it wasn't long after this that I became a single parent, full-time. By the time this came around I had been fired from my job, a decision I was more than happy with. I was a mess and would have made a serious mistake and that could have caused serious injury, or even loss of life. As it was, I was fired for my time-keeping(Even though I was contracted as having flexible hours). Unfortunately, my last job involved working with some one who decided to nominate himself supervisor. I wouldn't have minded, but this guy was dangerous. Not only did he do absolutely sweet F.A, he also made up his own hours by kicking the tyres of a 10-ton trailer and then signing it's service sheet before sending down the road(remember he was self-appointed so still had to appear to be productive) . Like I said, this guy was dangerous and I had zero respect for him. In the end we ended up in nearly coming to blows. I can be quite blunt, at times, especially when I'm stressed. Therefore this guy didn't take lightly to me telling him he was "no boss of mine" and that "He can get fucked if he thinks he is dictating my work-hours to cover his acute case of "idle-itis". Bullies and bull-shitters, they're all the same, just takes someone to stare them down.
Anyway, let's keep on-track and stay focused on the debt-monster about to come over the horizon. However, that does mean returning to the subject my previous employers. After all, they did to kick me while I was down and it was a lesson I will never forget.
Still, I am getting ahead of thing and we must start at the very beginning. At the cornel of debt, the thing that pushed this nugget of snow over the edge and started it on it's unstoppable journey.
As you now know I had lost my job as a trailer mechanic and this, subsequently, led me into a period where I was not being paid. I was dealing with becoming a single parent and the breakdown of the my family. Things had slipped my attention and I eventually got a letter informing me I owed a few months council tax. To make things worse, I had applied for a credit card a week before I was fired from my job. This was a foolish thing to do and, inevitably, it just led to more debt. At the time I wasn't thinking of any consequences and just wanted to secure some funds for the future. I still had to provide and, at this point, I knew I was not in the right mental state to work. A "Quick-fix", entirely.
I will forgive you for swearing at me, when I tell you I didn't pay my council tax debt with my credit card. As I was unemployed and a parent to a 4-year old child, I qualified for income support and wasn't expected to work. This status would only last until my daughter was 5, but it was a well-needed pause under the current strain. Due to me being eligible not to work and claim parental benefits, they council tax debt was deducted from my earnings. The debt was a few hundred pounds and they took, only a few pounds a week from my income.
I was now in a state of euphoria, due to freeing myself from a poisoned relationship, but on the other hand I had a daughter in turmoil, about why her mum and dad were not in the same house. Anyone who has gone through this knows how gut-wrenching these times can be. A child is the innocent party in all this and while the adults get what they want, the child is left in an abyss. It happened to me and I swore I would not walk my own down the same road. Seems life has it's own prerogative and repetition is a big part of it.
Although times were stressed and full of tears, my daughter and I cemented our bond and being a single parent, living off the state, allowed me to have unlimited time with my daughter. I relished every moment and will never regret not going to work at this point in time. It was truly magical and we walked to school, together, every day. These good-times allowed me to repair and after one or two short-term relationships I found what I thought was true-love. Within just a few weeks I had moved out of my home and into a place with my new love. Things were rosy, real rosy, and I felt revitalised. I felt that good I went straight into full-time work and we enjoyed some good times. My daughter adored my new partner and the feeling was mutual(Too much soo, as it turned out).
In the end, it all came to an abrupt holt and I found myself walking to a bus-stop with my daughter, trying to find the words that would adequately inform a 5-year old why we were moving house, again. At this point I was still working and managed to find the property I am currently in now. It was time to rebuild again and by now my daughter was my wing-girl.
When I got a phone call a few weeks later, from my ex, explaining how 2 debt collectors had been to her place looking for me, I was more than shocked. I had no idea why and at this point I was still, financially, treading water. It was only after the re-directed mail had reached my door that I discovered why I was being hunted by the goon-squad.
"YOU HAVE FAILED TO KEEP UP WITH YOUR COUNCIL TAX PAYMENTS AND WE INTEND TO TAKE CONTROLL OF YOUR GOOD!!"
By going into full-time employment this had discontinued my council tax debt repayments, via my benefits and unbeknownst to me I was receiving letters about this... at my old address...
Apparently I had seized making payments with just £80 remaining. As I was wrapped up in a new relationship and these payments had been made, autonomously, for so long, I never gave it a single thought. I never left a forwarding address, so wasn't receiving my mail but all the important things I knew of, I had redirected.
Obviously, I had overlooked this detail and it ended up costing me big. I wasn't as wise as I am today and I had not found the sanctuary of Lawful Rebellion. To cut a long story a little shorter, I got bum-rushed by a 3rd party debt agency, after they threatened me with false warnings. I know my rights now and I know that I should never have answered the door to those parasites. Ironically, I have even been told this by the police and the citizens advice bureau. Strange that they give such advice when they are the ones enforcing these fines and causing me such a tort.
And that is how all this began. Of course, by the time the debt agency had gotten hold of this debt - purchased from the council at 10% its original value - they then handed me a receipt for £400... Foolishly, I let them in and they signed me up to a payment plan, one that they knew that I would default on.
In the next post I will continue telling you about how the goons acted against me and how I reacted against them. We will also hear about the return of my previous employer and how they kicked me while I was down and took me to court to claim lost time that never existed.
Thank you for all you attention and support. Writing this is a therapeutic process and your support is a welcome bonus.
God bless steemit, whoever he/she is.
I'd also like to say thank you for all the support you showed in my initial post about my situation, you're a darn good bunch ;)
PTYAY
I missed the earlier post but went back and read it.
This is some heavy stuff and I find myself skipping the hard work you are about to do and jumping right to the happy ending.
IT is crisis that spurs us out of our comfort zone and it is in that place that we can make the changes that get us on the right track.
You are intelligent and articulate and driven from what I can see from my filtered vantage point. This is going to get good for you and I will be here for any hard knocks advice and teeny tiny little upvotes.
Heroing is not glamorous.....but worth it.
Thanks matey, that was a real boost to read. Your right, it is these kind of things we look back on realise it was all for a reason.
I can already tell you are driven and have a selfless cause that won't be denied and that will harden you.
Outside of your comfort zone is where you grow and I believe in you.
Thanks buddy, I will be giving this my best shot and hope the documenting gives folk some hope and guidance too.
Besides being a part of a virtual support network you have while tackling this obstacle, it is the hope you will instill in others while doing it that I like the best.
Amen buddy, there has to be a positive in all this.
@article61 how did it go with the debt advisor? I will look to see if you have done another post about it once i have finished writing this, it was because steemworld told me that you had mentioned me in a post is why I am here.
everybody has anxiety it is more heightened in some of us than others, I like in a panic most of the time and my head races and races, I sleep 4 hours a night and have done for the last 3 years.
anxiety isn't a weakness but a show that you have gone through what you have, I have had relationships like the one you have been in and I have got to say leaving has been my best decision.
It sounds to me like you need a change in jobs, leave been a macainic as this seems to me while reading your post that it is driving you crazy, it is either do the job and get paid shit for it or don't.
I am one of them people where i will work for pennies but have my hands in many pies if you get me.
I find state handouts to be the basic of basic but while you are ill you can claim for other things too, 1 been pip, this is for people like us who need a bit of help, and it is an extra £40 a week, that helps towards food electric and gas.
You can get a private rented house on benafit just look for a good house you want and see if it says if it accepts dss, if thats the case, the council will pay upto £350 per month and if it is more than that you have to add the extra to it.
there is 5 of us in my house hold and I get £394 help a months and my rent is £425. council tax is £10 a months. so it helps a lot.
I am wanting to go back to work, and in my head i am ready, my doctor says otherwise and has told me if I go back to work it could kill me with the stress, so I am waiting for the Ok by the quack.
haha
anyway buddy, I hope your well.:D
I can't thank you enough for this advice, it really does help. My debt meeting went very well and was quite entertaining when I had to explain about why I had bee withholding my council tax. She even stated chipping in showing me youtube vids about a ex politician who is speaking out against it all. It looks like I can lump all of my debt into this and then start a fresh :) That will be something new and I hope it happens like she says. Its been a good week so far and the next post should be slightly more positive. Gonna think about what you said as the job does send me round the twist. Thanks again and speak soon.
I'm glad things are looking up for you buddy. I am so happy that your council tax can get thrown in the mix too, that must take a right weight of your shoulders.
If you remember way back it was you who told me about the TV licensing and I didn't have to pay it. Well I see this as a way of returning the favour.
I am so happy that things are on the up for you :D take care and if you need a chat, pop up I will stick the kettle on :D
Just hang in there, your daughter needs her hero!
Thanks Chuck. I have some positives to speak about soon so not all bad. Just got to get it all in-line. Hope you're well.
I apologize if you have mentioned how old your daughter is already. I wanted to point out that many parents understand all to well the feeling of losing their place on a pedestal as their child slowly becomes aware of the limitations and bad situations existing in the world and realize their parent is apparently not superhuman and able to stop it. My best advice is to talk to her and let her know you as a person as best as you can. Many parents try to shield their children to much as though their kids don't have eyes and this results in the children resenting the parent for being a liar or naive.
I really hope this bankruptcy angle will fall perfect for you. Looking forward to reading this is how it all pieces together.
Thanks buddy, I will try to update as often as possible. I will keep trying to be as open as possible with my daughter(11), it has always seen me right in the past and I am glad you have reminded me about this.
On the bankruptcy, I hope so too. Fingers crossed tomorrow, but either way I can begin looking for work after this. Be nice to have the goons off my back though. All the best to you and yours matey
Bloody hell, and I thought I had problems. Hang in there man, hope things get better for you.
Hey @slobberchops, I have just been speaking to @pennsif about steemcamp and UK steemit scene. We should have another
meet-uppiss-up sometime.Hey thanks for the good vibes buddy. This is all part of life, I guess, and things could be a lot worse.
I would be up for that, meet a few more people. The UK scene is quite small, outside London but there are some I still don't know. Hoping you don't lose your property mate, I'll resteem your article.
Well, hold on to your hats because we might have something cooking. Be good to see you all again.
Hey, thanks bud. The property has gone but I have had some positive news lately and all your encouragement has been superb. Thanks for the resteem too :)