Well I guess this is gonna take a while so better grab a drink. Ill start with how I got here.
Not how I get here on the planet obviously, the birds and bees is a discussion for another time.
Here in France.
Ill make a long story short as its only a bit of background.
I married an English Girl That I met in an online text MMORPG, Yeah back when those were a thing. We Got Hitched when she came to visit after a whole 3 Months, and Bounced between England and The USA for a few years.
Then her parents Sold their House, and bought an old farmhouse in France, they offered us the barn to convert if I helped them do their renovation on the main house.
So off we go, at least moving myself was easy I had a suitcase which happily held all my worldly goods. They needed a 40 foot Semi Truck...
Now as the title says, drumroll please - Here's the Tale of...
An American in France
From Day one to be honest I made a big time fuck up, I wore a stars and stripes T-shirt, Not out of patriotism but the damn thing was on sale for 2 Bucks and I love a bargain. I Had the classic tourist camera in hand, the whole 9 yards.
We had happily arrived in nothern France and while walking down the SIDEWALK a car drove on the curb and tried to run me down shouting a whole lot of angry French. Now up to this stage I had Never really heard any of the language of love.
But I'm pretty sure he wasn't expressing his undying admiration while he was trying to run me over.
The only words I could make out were American and judging by his tone a whole lot of very naughty French words. So in my most polite sign language I Extended the universal finger to express my gratitude.
The rest of the trip to the southwest of France was fairly uneventful, I didn't Get out of the car except for taking a piss and that was at the side of the road. So really couldn't cause my usual level of trouble.
It was Pitch black outside for hours when we got to our Gite, (Overpriced holiday rental, but the outlaws or inlaws if we're being nice, were paying so fair enough). It was late and to be honest my opinion of France so far was underwhelming. So Off to bed we go!
When we woke up the next morning I watched the sunrise with the missus and Boom, Over the hills in the distance there's mountains, Big ass churches on hills and lots of open space so Now things are looking up.
Thus commenced a 6 month house hunt for her parents, and - months of long walks and chilling out for us. Eventually they found this place we live in Now. In a tiny little village in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.
The place they picked? A typical French Farmhouse, which needed a metric shit ton of work. Hurray!
They bought the place, and we got permission to start clearing the place up. It was a classic French Farmhouse in every sense of the word, Mud Floors, Mud Walls, No Running water, no electricity and the grass was taller than me. (I cut the whole 2 Acres with an old rusty scythe I found in one of the barns and fixed with duct tape, it made me feel manly.)
Now up until we moved in to the new place I had very little exposure to French Language, I could buy Cigarettes, Order Beer and just about introduce myself.
When we officially moved in the mayor invited us to the village fete at the end of the week, which was set to happen at Lunchtime.
My wife had enough school French to explain this to me while I nodded, Smiled and said Oui Oui! Alot, and I mean ALOT. He must have thought I was a bobblehead or something.
So The time for the fete rolled around and up we went. The village hall was Packed, From age 0 to 100 there were French people of every age shape and degree of Frenchness (Frenchiness, Frenchies, Frunchies?)
After about 20 minutes and feeling a bit steamrolled, watching My wife mingle and translate the odd sentence for me, I wanted to join in. So I approached a rather large group of guys of similar age. (Which turned out to be the local Rugby club, so I was in luck!)
Some of them spoke English and once I explained that No I'm not English, I was American, They took me in! Much different from the response I had in the north. So with drinks on the commune I had my first initiation to local drinking games. They poured shots of Ricard (An aniseed drink like lower proof Absinthe)
Now if you are familiar with this drink it should be mixed with water, So I'm alternating shots with an entire rugby team and something has been lost in translation.
They have theirs with water, I'm drinking the same size plastic cup neat. This doesn't end well...
After a few hours I stumbled back to our derelict house, collapsed in the Small caravan that was our base of operations and attempted to stay still until the Ferris wheel stopped. Lucky me the rugby team turned up a few hours later with the Fucking town marching band to drag my half naked, half dead self outside for more festivities.
So began my initiation into the local village. Over the next few weeks we met lots of English speakers all British, and it took some of the strain off of learning the local language, so the next few months passed pretty quietly.
My language skills were still practically nil, and the Local Brits actually seemed proud that they didn't need to learn the language. Needless to say this made me feel better about myself. It wasn't until the next village fete a few months later I had contact with anyone French outside of the necessities.
This time the same scenario, Mayor turns up, wife translates and I Oui Oui Oui all the way home. This time the Fete was a Hunters Dinner and I met my first local resistance to my American origins. A Local guy who ran a pig farm, and partially owned the town bar, immediately accosted me upon entering and dubbed me Bush... Now I am obviously less than Impressed.
I might not got alot of edumacation But shirley I aint that bad.
So for the entire evening I am educated on the French language in very bad English. I did however get my own back, I taught him that Mother Fucker was a Friendly way to say hello. For weeks it brought joy to me when he would shout, Hello Mother Fucker to any and every English speaker he had walk through the doors at that bar.
Now Being called Bush had made me a bit irritated, So I dedicated myself to learning as much French as I could, as fast as I could. We paid some local girls from the big city to give us lessons, bought books and audio books.
My wife flourished and learned grammar, past, present tense etc. I learned a great big Jack Shit, like nothing at all. No matter how hard I tried I spoke French like a Spanish cow.
So in an effort to cheer myself up, I began hitting the other local bar of an evening to drown my sorrows and get out of the house. 3 Km walk there 3 Km walk back a few times a week.
As the bar was full of old boys who had obviously been coming to the bar for the last 90 years or so. (I shit thee not the old people here are exceptional, they keep on working in their gardens, fixing their tractors and partying well past 80 years old).
My presence was initially unwelcome, but they let me sit with my Pint while they rambled on in the heaviest accent I had heard yet. After a few weeks I had absorbed some new words, a few sentences here and there. Eventually I was confident enough to say hello to the stoic old guys nursing their Ricard and talking about things I couldn't even vaguely understand.
Result! I walk in and in my best French 'J'mapelle Rick!' and that started a rapid fire reply that instantly crushed all confidence I had gained beforehand. In Desperation I understood the word Anglaise, So Like the big hairy gorilla I am, I thumped my chest and said 'Americain!'
A Minor correction for the sake of accuracy, after all if your not going to like me at least get it right.
They all dropped silent, like stone cold someone just insulted your momma silent. Its the first time in my life I was scared of a bar fight, These guys are old...really Old, and have walking sticks with metal caps... Run, Hide, Buy them all a drink, every possible option started running through my head in an instant.
One of the old guys cracked out a smile like his face was gonna split, another grabbed an empty chair and with a surprisingly strong grip sat me down and grabbed me a Pint from the bar. I had no clue what the hell just happened.
Turns out as teenagers during WW2 and the occupation they had all had seriously positive stories about AMERICANS!!! All of them had a spattering of English words and they slowed down so I could understand, with a lot of pointing, terrible quick drawings and explanations I had a great Night.
I learned that one of them was actually my neighbor, and His 50 year old son became a weekly Visitor to Play Petanque. (A Game throwing big steel balls at a little wood ball, surprisingly fun)
Over the next year or so I learned Local French, Slang, Patois, bad grammar and all. All thanks to some really animated games of Bar Charades. I could finally be understood!!
So I became the designated American Locally, I duly took note and have held a 4th of July barbecue every year since. (Yes Even Covid times, though much reduced.) I've cooked for over a hundred and under 50 at these things and its always a blast. A Mix of French, English Expats, and anyone who turns up, its an open house.
Over the years the group of old guys passed away. Even The old boy who was my Neighbor ( Died at 93 when working on his tractor), His Wife (90, I say a broken heart killed her after her husband went) and his son sadly (63 Heart attack on a walk), all one by one.
I've been to many more fetes, many more village dinners and it never ceases to amaze me that the teenagers are having animated, and Interested conversations with the 90 year olds with no sign of an age barrier. Only country I have ever witnessed that in, so worth noting.
As Time passed my French improved, I made more friends and met lots who had problems with me because of where I come from and lots who didn't give two shits.
I started having locals over for dinner, Improved my French and gradually integrated ever more.
I've even invited the local sheep round for dinner.
As you can see the stripped the lower branches in seconds. I think they enjoyed their meal.
The next Great French culture shock was my first Visit to Bretagne, or Brittany. I went to help a buddy repair his boat he had bought.
I stayed for a few weeks on this boat and to be honest after a hard days work, Instead of sleeping like a sensible person, I was being taken to the fishermen's bars and houses, getting back to the boat by 6 am and starting work by 7. I don't think during that first Visit I slept at all.
The French here were ULTRA Self contained and incredibly proud of their heritage. They weren't French, they were Bretons. Where you came from didn't matter in the slightest, You weren't Breton. They Respected you but you had to earn it, It was all about what you could do.
So After that 2 week stint I was happy to get back home to the wife and son. A Year passed while my buddy sold his house and prepared to move to Brittany. When he did I was once again invited down this time for 8 Weeks to Renovate his house with his son, a builder by trade.
Thus Began another 8 weeks of Mayhem. The locals remembered me, I was invited to more parties and Nights out than I can remember. (Seriously its a big fucking blur, I think My liver applied for a divorce)
But I learned that while they have no real problems with anyone who can play hard and work hard, The outside world might as well not exist.
I've experienced What I would call the cornerstones of The culture here, From The contempt of foreigners in general in the North, To the relaxed attitudes on the Mediterranean Coast, and The super chilled attitudes of the west coast.
The Resort towns here are the same as everywhere else in the world. Gimmee your wallet and hard earned cash and you'll fit right in.
Personally I feel most at home right here in the southwest, en Gascogne. Its home, I have great friends, and apparently, as I get told in every other part of France...I speak French like a Gersois Farmer.
I guess what I learned from this experience is that no matter where you come from, what prejudices you face or where you go. Some people will be worth the time and effort, others will make your life difficult.
But In general the rest Is down to who you are.
I'm not an expert on the culture here but after 15 years (which is the longest I have ever lived in one place by about 14 years!) I have learned... Being an American in France Is alright, as long as you're not THAT American.
I Passed lots of time in lots of different parts of France, Too many to recount in one post. But I think that sums it up.
So @edprivat, Order number 1 Complete. Well over 2000 words and a few Sleepless nights later I finished this post. Seriously this thing took ages... You were right its good to have a target to focus the brain. I didn't even count this paragraph to cheat!
I'm truly impressed with what you've achieved in France, most notably learning to speak French for a start, American's are worse than us Brits in learning foreign language (note to self, be careful, comments here are full of yanks) 😀
Joking aside, welcome to Hive, normally I get switched off easily on posts longer than 1500 words but this was entertaining and fun to read, look forward to more stuff from you. And btw, trust @dandays, he knows his stuff on Hive!!
aye thanks, learning French was helpful to be honest🤣 and I trust Him and ed, they've been doing me a real solid by keeping me in line and showing me the ropes so its much appreciated.
Urgh... I cannot believe I just posted that to my blog not a group... what a fucking idiot.
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Man I don't know where to start with this—either I relate so well with what you're saying even down to the part where I'm married to a British chick or where I wanna chew your ass for not reaching out to Ed so we could get this posted in the proper community. <- That's the @ocd community, I would've posted this one there.
I would've also pinned this to @pinmapple. When I name drop like this, consider following them. Don't worry, I'm the dumbest guy in the crew, I don't know Jack Schitte but I'll teach you everything I know.
Ima talk about myself right quick Cuz I'm no different than any of you, I can yap yap yap about myself just as good as anyone else. During our travels, 16 countries in total until Covid forced us back here to wait until we can get back at it, I learned many things. I wrote about it before so I won't broken record right here but I knew "please, thank you, and God bless you" in the native language of wherever we landed before we landed. Other things, too, like knowing how to divide/subtract currencies w/out an app before landing because you gotta get a SIM card and bla bla bla bla... Ok, let's talk about you again.
Great post dude! I'm glad Ed brought you over here, he's really weak as far as recruiting, I've often recommended he give it up but it's nice to know even he can do something right sometimes. But it's not too late to pin this to the map. Ed knows how to do that. That's The Map, it's ran by the #haveyoubeenhere team—only the gangsterest travel curators on the blockchain.
Weclome to Hive @rubido.
No, you're not special, calm down. I help everyone like this
Thanks a bunch @dandays and @edprivat as usual, I cant believe I fucked up the posting location. Ill hassle ed for details on the map. I now Learn the basics before going anywhere. Gotta be friendly!
As for being special, You know I am. I can now count to 20 now, Wifey told me I can use my toes, it helps!.
That's a good woman.
Congratulations, your post has been added to Pinmapple! 🎉🥳🍍
Did you know you have your own profile map?
And every post has their own map too!
Want to have your post on the map too?
This was beautiful. I did not want it to stop. As @dandays mentioned, I haven't recruited too many people on that platform, first because not that many people are interesting, and that's an important factor in spending a good time on this platform. It's like playing Minecraft 😁, people that finds sandbox games boring lacks imagination. By writing such a compelling story, you proved that I was right to get you to join. The second reason I did not bring more people, is because I don't have many friends. As sad as it sounds, it is by choice, and I consider you a good friend and all around a good person. Those are rare and must be cherished at all cost. You can also write very well, and share a love for the weed that probably will solidify our bond. 😁 As the other guy said, welcome to HIVE, this time for real. I swear if you don't get upvoted I'll send you some golden nuggets (not the ones we dug out of the 💩tank))
Good job, coach! I haven't onboarded too many either, Ed. Eh, both of you guys know my recent one right? I known @knottydaddy since he was about 8 years old, he's 36 or something now. Builds stuff out of wood, grows his own food type of dude and, most importantly, can answer all your growing questions.
California growing questions
Thanks buddy, I feel the same. I don't often get along with people and we have shared the deepest bond. We have been bound together by the ties of black gold. I will eternally cherish those memories, elbow deep in the trenches fighting for that little nugget of land extra. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.
I'm happy to have been invited, and thank you for such a warm welcome.
May your tanks stay empty and your water flow freely my brother!
A nice post. One of the things I like about Hive is the unfiltered feel of a lot of post from real people. It was also nice seeing some of the pictures, hows that ladder room look now? Are you still renovating? That last was a stupid question renovations never end, always one more wall to paint, to fix, or to knock down.
Thanks for that, Its been a whirlwind! Next week I'll take some pics and show some before and afters. Yeah The place is probably 50% renovated, I am but one man haha so its getting renovated as time and money allow really.
No house is ever really done, and when we think it is, it is time to start over on a new house.
so true, I think next time when its my choice, I'll pick an old barn or something, too many outbuildings here!
Hiya, @ybanezkim26 here, just swinging by to let you know that this post made it into our Honorable Mentions in Daily Travel Digest #1126.
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Wow... I cant believe all the support guys thanks. Its a giant confidence booster. Thanks for all the help @edprivat , @dandays. From now on I will quadruple check things before posting. I spent so long editing the post I forgot to check the basics...
Cheers for bearing with me and all the advice!
Yay! It fucking worked! Well deserved my friend good job, don't you ever forget to choose your community again! Peaaace
I will never forget to choose a category again ! Thanks buddy I owe you and @dandays a Huge one. Sadly I am afflicted with a micro one... I will return the favor one day, When I am king of the Idjits!
You're very welcome @rubido. Congratulations on the reward, welcome to Hive. Now don't ask me for shit you idjit!
Thanks @dandays Im working hard to catch up to you guys. as for asking...Dammit I was gonna ask for a Pony...
You sure do have a lot of wants. Best I could do on short notice.
Ask and ye shall receive! That's one Happy ass.
Also got my first bit of spam, don't understand a word of it, Think it might be a death threat or curse on my chickens. I finally feel like I made it!
Yay! 🤗
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What a lovely post @rubido, thank you for sharing! I am an American in Germany. You live in a very beautiful place, I am hoping things will get a lil more normal this summer, I then intend to visit dear friend @edprivat, who actually more like good family, if you get my drift. But maybe our paths will cross as well. I am happy you found your way onto Hive. Bis bald <3
La France est vraiment un superbe pays et de nombreuses régions méritent d'être visitées telles la Bretagne, le Lot, la Dordogne, le Pays Basque, l'Alsace, ... Meilleurs voeux pour 2022.
Patah tumbuh hilang berganti