I think it’s time I thoroughly share how I developed apiphobia as a young child.
Some may read this title and laugh thinking
is that really a thing...being terrified of bees and wasps? 💭
Others will automatically relate to me and what I have been living with.
I recently met someone whom I will mention later that shared some of the same fears I did and even reacted the same way when faced with it.
Recently I shared with you all that I am allowing gardening, planting and taking care of our flowers to be the beginning of my healing process.
So how did this intense extreme fear of buzzing insects develop?
First let’s define what a traumatic event is:
When the event, or series of events, causes a lot of stress, it is called a traumatic event. Traumatic events are marked by a sense of horror, helplessness, serious injury, or the threat of serious injury or death.
CDC
As a young girl I experienced a series of events that stayed with me all of my life. They were never forgotten and I remember each one as if it happened yesterday.
These traumatic events resulted in me having a mild case of PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) where sounds of buzzing and even the sun shining on my back brought back memories of the events and triggered anxiety attacks and panic.
Tнє Tяαυмα Tнαт Cнαηgє∂ Mє
Growing up I was always outside in the yard while my parents did their gardening. I even helped them do certain jobs like cut the grass, rake and water the plants. I genuinely loved being outside and had no apparent fears of insects that were always around me.
I was even like my kids are now, always exploring nature and even picking up creepy crawly things to examine them.
All тнαт cнαɴɢed. Tнe ѕмαll мyѕтerιoυѕ world oғ ιɴѕecтѕ αroυɴd мe ғelт ɴo loɴɢer ѕαғe αɴd I wαѕ ɴo loɴɢer αвle тo eɴjoy ιт ғreely.
My family and I were outside on vacation. We were enjoying our food and having a good time as always. Some parts of that day are very vague because I was only around seven years old but the parts that matter I remember quite well.
My sister, brother and I were sharing a grape soda. What we didn’t realize was a huge bee also wanted some of that soda and was hanging out inside the can for a drink. When it was my turn to sip the bee came up to the top and stung my bottom lip. 😣
It was the worst, uncomfortable and painful feeling I had ever experienced. I remember dropping the can screaming and crying while holding my lip.
Years later I can laugh at this but my lip got so big I couldn’t speak an understandable word for a day or so. Of course my siblings got a good laugh out of my swollen lip but what we didn’t realize was that was the start of my fear and anxiety. 😏
My mom told me for a long time I wouldn’t drink out of a soda can. I only drank from a cup or out of things where I could clearly see what was in there. Once I did start drinking from a can again I would never leave it unattended. If I did it got tossed immediately just in case something crawled in there.
If I was outside while drinking I always had a napkin or something to cover up my drink just in case something tried to sneak it’s way in. I was NOT getting another swollen lip. 😑
For years and years I replayed that moment over and over again in my head of how that bee was hiding in the soda and came up to get me. I realize now as an adult it was probably only protecting itself because it felt trapped and threatened...so it did what it had to do.
I do admit I remember having the thought
it’s gonna get what it deserves for doing this to me.
I knew after a bee used it’s stinger that it would eventually die. I literally grew an intense dislike for any and all insects that had the ability to sting.
Yєαяѕ Lαтєя Fєαя Sтяιкєѕ Agαιη...
I was in junior high school when another traumatic event occurred. This time it involved a swarm of wasps.
I rode my bike over to a friend’s house to see if he could come outside to play.
Hidden beneath the realm of the walls on his front porch in a deep secure dark space was a wasp family.
I walked up to his front porch to ring the doorbell. I awaited a few moments for an answer but there was still silence from within. I rang the bell a second time and that’s when it happened.
A swarm of wasps hastily came out of their hiding as if they felt threatened and needed to fight for their home. Before I could even react they were surrounding me. I covered my head and tucked in my face as I ran off the porch and onto my bike.
I was stung multiple times in my back. I remember crying all the way home in shock that this happened to me. I must have been crying and screaming pretty loud because before I rode into the driveway my mother had already made her way outside to meet me and immediately took me in to take care of my back.
These two events traumatized me. I was so angry and grew an even stronger dislike for any insect that had the ability to sting. I slowly developed an intense fear which turned into a phobia.
Lινιηg ωιтн Aριρнσвια
I helped in the yard less and less due to fear of being attacked again. I worked hard to avoid all wasps and bees even if that meant staying in the house when the sun was out.
That day I was attacked by wasps the sun was beaming hot on my back and neck. Every since that incident when I feel the sun beaming on my back I get anxiety. I do this thing where I squeeze in my shoulders and cover my ears.
I always feel I’m going to get attacked and this is why I always say they are out to get me. In reality I know they’re not but when I’m outside and hear them buzzing that fear kicks in and I immediately feel vulnerable to them.
When that swarm of wasps came flying out collectively the buzzing was so loud and I will never forget that sound. Together the hot sun shining down on my neck and back and the sound of buzzing triggers my being to panic, have fear and anxiety.
It has really sucked living with this phobia. My quality of life changed drastically because the things that I once enjoyed the most I felt were taken from me. I was always outside exploring, going into the woods and we even used to crawl down the sewers to explore.
I tried to only be outside in the early mornings when it was too cool for wasps and bees to be out or late in the evening when the sun went down. Once I started going back out during the sunny day I avoided being close to any flowers and I always found shade out of the sun. I felt if I was in the sun I was a target for an attack.
It’s really crazy how this develops. To think this happened over twenty years ago and I still remember and feel the same things I did as if it happened just yesterday.
I’ve had a lot of embarrassing moments living with apiphobia. When I heard buzzing in my ear or if there was a bee or wasp around me I would scream and flap my arms hysterically as I ran for cover. I even knocked over a kid once trying to save myself.
Embarrassingly one time I left my kids outside in the yard to get away from a bee that seemed to be attached to me. After I was inside I realized what I had done. This fear was out of control and even causing me to act carelessly as a mother when I felt I was being attacked. 😞
I didn’t want to be this way. I disliked the person I became and I really wanted to get help. My family and friends just kept telling me I was in control of my emotions and I had to make a choice to overcome this fear so I could enjoy life outside again.
Tнє Hєαℓιηg Bєgιηѕ
As you read in my previous post I have taken some major steps to overcome this phobia.
Along with that many of your comments have really helped me in the process and I greatly appreciate that.
Focusing on the things that bees contribute and the benefits they bring for our food cycle has helped a lot. Knowing they are not really focused on me unless they feel threatened but instead are focused on their jobs has also really helped me.
This comment that was left on my last post really offered some great insight and support to my healing process. I hope @giulius doesn’t mind me sharing it here but maybe someday someone else may come along and read this and it could also benefit them as well:
Hi @crosheille, I really liked your beautiful post.
Please let me tell you how I've gone beyound my Apiphobia.
When I was a child (4 o 5 years old as I could remember today), I've been stinged on my head by a wasp while I was playing with my friends at the kindergarten. I can still remember that day right now, even if 36 years passed since then.
For many many years since then, my reaction when I was seeing any flying insect vaguely similar to a wasp (bees, wasps, hornets, syrphidae was all the same to my eyes) was to run away while moving my arms in a completely unarticulated way...
One day I discovered the foundamental role pollinating insects has to the nature and the entire world (probably if ever bees should extinguish, the entire natural food chain would collapse).
These informations which was very interesting for the native curiosity of the child I was, were not helping my istinctive fear reaction to them, but created an open loop in my mind which reclamed further investigation about it.
Since then I started to documenting about these interesting insects until one day I realized an obvious fact: in no way any of them would be interested having a conflict with a being 100 times bigger then them, because it would end with their death for sure.
This awareness in my mind little by little made fear become curiosity and curiosity reclamed further experimenting.
Years later I discovered Macro-photography and insects are one of the most interesting subjects for me to picture, so the need to move closer and closer to the subjects and the relaxed approach required by that kind of photography allowed me to understand that with the right attitude, insects let you move closer and in the end I arrived to the conclusion that they completely ignore you, if you dont look threatening to them!
Today I enjoy my time into the outdoors and insects do not worry me anymore.
This is true with the exception of ticks and scolopendra, eh eh eh.
And so, thats it, this is my experience, may be it could inspire you in some way.
Bye bye,
take care.
Giulius
This comment for me was like whoa! Someone else felt exactly what I have felt all these years. As I was reading it I saw myself, especially the part about running away and moving the arms in an unarticulated way. I actually laughed at that part thinking about how ridiculous I probably looked every time I did this. 😄
I am going to follow in the same way of thinking as @giulius. I will focus on the interesting parts about bees and how life would be detrimental without them. Since I love photography I am going to challenge myself to take some macro shots of them while they enjoy our pretty flowers around the outside of our home.
Maybe I too will find them rather interesting and develop a new love and respect for them that will trump my fears. 🙂
Thanks again @giulius for your helpful and encouraging insight!
I’ll end with sharing how @barge once again made my day with such a kind and thoughtful gesture. He took some of his awesome photos and sent me messages to help ease my fear of these insects:
🤣 Oh my goodness I had such a good laugh with this one. I thought it was so funny and cute what both Mr. Bee and Mr. Wasp had to say. I even wished they could spread the message to all of their friends not to mess with me this year. Now that would be epic! Lol
Besides if I do ever get stung again the pain will only last for moments, not a lifetime.
Someone once reminded me that
you bore five kids naturally without any interventions and you’re worried about a little bee sting? 😅
Yea makes no sense when you put it into that perspective hahahaha!
Thank you to all of the Stock Image contributors for making their photos available for us to use. Each one has been added as a beneficiary of this post. I have also included @giulius as a beneficiary as well ~
Wowie, thanks for sharing all that 🙏
I've really enjoyed our engagement over this 'issue'. It's super that aspects of phobias can be fun too :)
Sure, it felt great to get it all out :)
I’ve enjoyed the engagement as well.
Oh wow looky hahaha!! Awww how adorable. Those sound really yummy but the look on her face. 🥺 You must give them to her.
I just love that photo of her with those glasses. 🤗
Thanks again for all that you do. You’ve made it much easier for me to share about my phobia ~
Many blessings. 😊
She did get some of the cakes actually lol...and yeah, that photo is one of my favs :D
Also as you may have seen, you made it easier for me too 🤗
Oh goody! I'm so glad she got some!! 😄
Yes, I see. 😊
Hi @crosheille, its amazing to realize that sharing my experience helped you to carry on your journey to enjoy your outdoor life again, just like when you was a child.
In our adult life, so packed of anxiety, tasks and responsibilities, I think its really important to remember how beautiful was our approach to life when we were children.
Children are curious and genuinely enjoy every experience they face, particularly in the outdoors (its part of our instinct of human beings). Can you still feel at least as a memory that excitement you felt when as a child you discovered a new thing you couldn't even imagine true?
We should never stop deliberately seeking those sensations, I think.
They are a significant part of our lives and contribute to make life so beautiful to be lived.
Yes, you sharing helped me in great lengths. It was really relieving hearing your story and how you were impacted and then hearing about your eagerness and joy when taking photos of them. That was huge for me. It seems now that I have shared my story everywhere I turn I'm reading or hearing something amazing about bees and it's causing me to appreciate them more. Hopefully soon the appreciation will out do the fear of them. 😅
I also think it's important to remember how we approached things as children. I do still remember that excitement and really miss the way I was.
I agree whole heartedly. 😊
Thank you for stopping in to read and comment ~
Girl, you rock on, nice words and picture. Lovely work as you are.
I’m really grateful for the Stock Images Community and the artists that share their work for us to freely use ;)
Thanks for stopping by ~
I clearly remember being stung by a wasp at my grandmother's house, because when I was 4 years old I innocently touched a wasp that I thought was dead and felt a terrible sting on my index finger, I cried a lot and my grandmother gave me a remedy that she made, I know the pain and burning I felt. Nowadays I hear it buzzing and I run away hahaha. I hope to overcome this fear.😂
Isn’t that something how we can remember the pain from something so long ago? I hope you are able to overcome your fear as well. Hearing buzzing triggers me to act insanely crazy but I’ve been working on keeping it in control and always remembering as long as I am not threatening to them they most likely will just pass over me.
Thanks so much for sharing your story :)
😁❤️
Good luck with the healing process. That is a journey, I’m sure. Wasp stings are incredibly painful, and your fears are completely understandable after the combined events you experienced in your youth!
Thank you so much I really appreciate that. This will be a long recovery journey for sure.
Reading this, I remembered when my brother had an experience too with bees.
He was pretty young tho and innocently wanted to pick up fruits like his friends. In a bit to pick up more fruits, he climbed a tree where he was stung by bees. As painful as it was, he refused to cry so he wouldn't get laughed at by his friends but the mark was just too visible to hide.
Yikes! I bet he still remembers that. I get it about trying to be brave and not cry. Thanks for sharing that :)
I think you are super brave to understand and accept your fear and the following reactions. This alone is a step not everybody is able to do (writer is talking of herself...😱) A phobia is not only „feelings“ and to work on something this intense is hard work. YOur (and your commenters) ideas how to overcome it are fabulous. I have no special fear of stinging insects, but I do not love them either (only bumblebees or wild bees, they are so fluffy 😍). But having a garden changed my perspective a lot, so I can imagine how this angle is helping you. Last year I had to pollinate my zucchini because we had not enough insects at the time they started to flower... when I imagine insects to die out... horrible. With this in mind I slowly start to like also wasp, but hornets are still not on my friend list.
I hope you can go on on this way to co-exist with stingy insects without your body going into protection mode which was important during the traumatic events (I do not want to think about a swarm of wasp... 😧) but now hinder you while being outside in the sun.
I send you love and patience with yourself (which i dearly lack, so I know how important patience is 🙂)
Thank you so much for your words. This will definitely take some hard work from years of built up fear. I am really hoping too that I can coexist peacefully with these insects and keep in mind what they do for us. I wish what I went through on no one. It was so scary and shocking as I felt those stings enter my back one by one. 😣😔
Thank you so much for always sending your thoughtful words and encouragement my way ~ Much love to you sweet friend. 😘
Wonderful article!
I know I'm a little late to comment, but just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences with apiphobia, which I've also had pretty much my whole life. Mine came from being stung by bees so many friggin times before the age of 6 (under my feet, on my ear, toes, fingers, you name it) that I eventually became very allergic. And - believe it or not - I was also stung inside the mouth by one hiding inside my soda can, just like you 😖.
There's so much in your story I can relate to - needing to stay indoors on beautiful days, running around like a crazy person if a bee was around, and so on. The worst thing of course was how people would laugh! Yes yes, I understand we look silly when we run around like that...but the fear we feel ain't so funny.
I've also learned to start dealing with the phobia, slowly over time, very much by focusing on what you've recommended - on the fact that we totally, absolutely need them for life. And that (contrary to what I always believed), they don't in fact want to kill me 😅.
Another thing that helped me was to focus on how super cute bees actually are - I included them in my post just earlier today 🤗.
Much love and peace to you,
Lizz-Loo
Can't believe I missed this. I actually found it through barge's post on cinophobia, which I also missed when it was posted...
This made me so sad. To have grown to associate such a wonderful thing with terror. For me the feel of the sun on my back is the warmth and hope after a cold winter. Although South Australian midsummer sun on your back doesn't quite have the same connotations. It's more of an "I'm going to broil you alive if you don't seek shade..."
I got stung by a bee on my leg when I panicked after it landed on me and tried to brush it off. Thankfully the gardening teacher was just one of the loveliest and calming people and he quickly scraped the stinger out (before the majority of the venom went in) and calmed me down, which probably helped. I learnt then that even if my instinct is telling me to freak out when a wasp or bee lands on me, don't try to brush it off, just wait for it to leave then move away...fast! It takes a lot of self control, though.
I was stung on the back of my neck by a wasp while walking in the woods, in similar circumstances. I felt something tickling my neck and went to brush whatever it was off, then pain. Thankfully it was just one sting and I don't remember the pain all that much.
We have the European wasp here in Australia and it has such a fierce reputation nearly everyone goes into panic mode when they see one, which likely doesn't help people to overcome their fears and may even create them for some.
Anyway, summer and flowers must be out there now. How have things been going on the apiphobia front?
I know, I hate that I associate the sun with such fear. Every time it shines on my back I am reminded of what happened. I guess that’s just how tragic it was for my younger self.
I’ve tried to be still and just wait for insects to move from off of me but it’s so hard. I always think the longer they stay the closer I am to getting stung. 😕
Well let’s just say I don’t act out as much when I see one lol. I do still blurt out things but I’m a little more calm about it now. My husband used to come out with me when I saw something big and scary. Now he refuses in the name of “you said you wanted to get over your fears, I’m doing this for you.” 🙄😅
Even though I’m not too fond of him leaving me on my own when the scary buzzy things come around, it has actually helped me learn to deal with it more.
Thanks for checking in on me. I’m glad you found this and read it. 😊