Finding @asshole

He stroked his neck beard between dirty finger and thumb and gazed at the note that had been pushed under his apartment door.

I have a proposition for you mon cherie. Meet me at 7 tonight and we will discuss a special money making venture!

Stapled to the back of the note were two one hundred dollar bills, a post-it on one reading

Get a taxi, there will be plenty more where this came from!

Xxx - Sialia

The address was scrawled beneath a coffee shop downtown. He knew it, sometimes he would go in and moon over the girls behind the counter until the owner chased him out with a brush. He lifted the note up and sniffed it, mmm that scent, flowery and musky at the same time. His semi-boner chafed at his shorts, Wow, he was almost tempted to break out the manga porn. But no, first there were things to do. He trotted downstairs to his basement. This was where the magic happened. Waltzing past the first two witness servers he sang Do you think I'm sexy whilst swivelling his large hips in an unnerving fashion. He plopped down on his command chair in front of his little Raspberry Pi running his most favourite bot @asshole. He ran a quick couple of checks. Yeah, everything looked to be ok. Some of the guys on the network had set up counter bots to his but he had a plan for that. Oh yes, it would have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight it looked like he had an exotic date with a real girl!!

He sat with his soy latte near the window so he could see the girls behind the bar bend over when they got milk out of the fridge. The owner couldn't chase him out tonight. Not when he was a paying customer. He smirked. He wondered what she looked like. With a name like Sialia she was obviously foreign. That was fine, he had long suspected that foreign chicks had a thing for him.

A girl passed his table and murmured ten minutes and dropped a napkin in his lap. He splashed some of his latte on his paunch as he turned to see her more clearly. She was already disappearing into the back through a shadowed doorway. 'Fuck,' he mumbled through his wispy face hair. He looked at the napkin in his lap.

Go through the back door and knock on the far wall

The next ten minutes were the longest of his life. He was at fever pitch, this even beat the time he splattered that silly meme about berniesanders crashing the price of steem everywhere! The ten minutes were up. He half straightened attempting to hide his rising ardour and strutted like a portly peacock to the back of the cafe. No-one batted an eyelid as he pushed open the dusty old door and passed through into the storeroom beyond. The door closed with a schnick as he moved past stacks of boxed coffee supplies to the back wall. Licking his lips self-consciously he raised his hand to knock.

His skull flashed with pain and the ground slammed up to meet him. His vision darkened he saw feet shuffling around him and a voice snigger, HA, he's an asshole alright. He tried to lift a hand. No, how could they know it was him? - then everything went black.

He floated back to consciousness to the accompaniment of a robotic voice sounding from above. His mouth was parched and his eyes full of grit. He attempted to sit up only to almost faint again when the pain surged from the back of his head. Man, what happened? Did someone hit me? Oh no, wait... The name... they know it's me. Fighting a rising panic he pulled himself to his feet. He was in a non-descript room with stained concrete walls, the only decor a metallic bunk without a mattress in which he now sat. 'Help,' he uttered timidly, then, gathering himself, with more force. 'Help!' No answer, just that annoying tannoy drivel. He focussed on it.

...please proceed to the rehabilitation area ... Welcome honoured guest, please proceed to the rehabilitation area...

He saw the door was ajar. Fucking fuck, rehabilitation area? Shit, the game was truly up. Someone at Steemit Central must have tracked him down, but what was with this rehabilitation shit? He gingerly picked himself up. Best see what this was about, maybe he could cut a deal. He pulled open the door. Outside the same stained concrete lined a sparse corridor with poorly spaced yellow bulbs hanging from the ceiling. In the distance, he could see a door lit in orange. He waddled down toward it.

The door was featureless except for a small sign reading Rehab Zone 'They tried to get me to go to Rehab...,' he chortled, his spirits lifting slightly. If it was just a bunch of steemit pussies he would play them until getting out and going to ground he thought. Maybe set his @asshole master plan into action. They wouldn't know what hit them. The door opened with a heavy clunk and he stepped through, jumping slightly as it slammed shut with a CLANG. What the fuck was this? Before him was a large deserted space. The lighting was poor but he could make out a couple of gantries and some kind of big door at the other side. Was that it, he had to walk some more? What a pain in the ass

Rehabilitation commencing... Enter Dub Hero, the rehabilitation is to the DEATH!

He looked around, what the hell. Did he just hear that correctly? Challenge? Death!? The jarring chords of For whom the bell tolls cranked up as the doors at the far side of the warehouse cracked open in gouts of pyrotechnic flames.

'Seriously guys, this isn't funny?' he whined, his voice squeaked like a poodle farting. 'Whats going on?'
The doors by now were fully open and a figure emerged amidst exploding fireworks and the grinding of thrash metal. He was huge, dressed in some S&M style black hockey outfit. He came barrelling toward him at a frightening rate on some skates waving a bladed hockey stick. @asshole ran along the wall gibbering with fear. 'Oh my god, oh my god somebody help!' He squealed plaintively. Dub Hero reached him and clanged his bladed stick only inches from @asshole's head. 'Help!' He ran faster weaving his bulk to and fro, sweat pouring down his neck beard.
'You flagged all those posts asshole!' Dub Zero roared.
'Eek, I'm sorry man, I was a dick, I'm sorrrryyyy,' he narrowly ducked Dub Zero's blade as he skished past him. 'I thought it was harmless fun man, I'm a witness, you will know me, I'm almost in the top nineteen!!'
'Shut up!' bellowed Dub Hero 'Now you will pay!' He swung the hockey stick in a massive arc narrowly missing @asshole.
'Please no, oh god. I am sorry! I am such an asshole and I mean a real asshole not just my username. Please! Don't kill me. I'm sorry!! I will shut it all down, I will never be an asshole ever again!!'
Dub Hero paused. 'You flagged everyone's comments too', he pronounced menacingly.
'Pleeeeaaase, I don't want to die I thought it was just a game...' @asshole had now slumped to the floor in a spreading puddle of urine. 'I can make it better, I'm sorry.' His shoulders lurched as he sobbed in great heaves.
'Go.' Dub Hero pointed flatly at a small door gaping open. 'Go, for you have learned your lesson.'
@asshole couldn't believe it, sobbing he picked himself up and stumbled to the door. 'I'm so sorry.' he whimpered and scampered through before Dub Hero changed his mind.

Closing the door he gazed around him, jumping as a voice breathed nearby. 'Did you like my perfume darling?'
'Who the..?' Whipping his head to the side he saw a man in a kilt pace toward him. 'Did you like it? On the note?' The man reached under his kilt theatrically and boomed in a loud Scottish accent 'IT WAS THE SWEAT FROM MA BAWS YA ASSHOLE!'
'What, wait? You sent that note? But... oh god, never mind. I told that guy back there, I'm sorry. I will turn the bot off. I just want to go home. Please.'
'Hey wee man, calm down. You have been rehabilitated. Of course, you can go home. Doors that way. The Scotsman casually pointed to the exit.

@asshole turned and saw it, never had he been so glad of anything. This was it he decided. He truly was going to stop being an asshole. That's how he got into this mess. He lurched toward the door and froze as he heard the click. He turned his head ever so slowly and saw the barrel of a massive handgun pointed straight at his face. 'But wait, no, no. I am free to go. I've changed! I've been rehabilitated!'

'Too late. Assholes never change.'

'Noooooooooo!'

Finding @asshole

I have a proposition for you mon cherie. Meet me at 7 tonight and we will discuss a special money making venture!

Get a taxi, there will be plenty more where this came from!

Xxx - Sialia

Rehabilitation commencing... Enter Dub Hero, the rehabilitation is to the DEATH!

BOOM