Greetings loyal followers.
I have sensed a disturbance in the force.
This is what I look like when I sense something. It may seem silly to look around when you are sensing something magical that cannot be seen... but you are not a Sith Lord so you don't understand. So shut up!
I sense something, a presence I've not felt since...
Ever! Because thanks to my old "friend" and teacher, I never met my son... in some timelines.
The presence I have felt is none other than @luke-skywalker himself. You can find his first transmission here.
That is him in the middle saying "But I was going into blah blah to pick up blah blah."
SHUT UP!
Because I believe he will continue to contact me (who wouldn't) I have an essential explanation for him.
Thanks to this planet's primitive technology, it is impossible to communicate in a linear timeline. Although Dennis, the Empire's IT guy, has been able to establish direct contact within each transmission, he has been unable to overcome all of the challenges of communicating from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Most of the blame for this problem rests with this primitive planet... but to be perfectly honest, I am surprised Dennis doesn't electrocute himself every time he tries to "fix" something.
So @luke-skywalker please keep this in mind. Some of our communications will be before this watershed moment in our relationship...
Whaaaa. That's kim possible! Whaaaa.
Others will be after it.
As such, sometimes I will know about our relationship... other times I will not. I know it may be too confusing for your puny little mind to comprehend... but too bad! Suck it up! Stop being such a baby about things.
You are whining about this already aren't you?
I think I can actually hear your obnoxious, petulant, insanely unpleasant tone right now through my terminal.
"Whaaa! My daddy cut off my hand!"
Stop being such a wuss! Tape an aspirin to it and get back in the game!
Would you please shut up! You are 23 freaking years old (in this timeline). Do you know what I was doing when I was 23? Well it certainly wasn't whining like a little b...
rat.
Dennis! It's doing it again! It cut out right in the middle of one of my tirades! You know how much I love my tirades. Get your ass...
istant in here to fix it immediately!
Where was I? Oh yes. When I was 23... let's see. When I was 23 it was a very good year...
- I had completed my Jedi training and had become the most powerful being ever in existence
- I secretly married a super hot queen
- We did what was needed to be done to create twins
- I slaughtered an entire village of disgusting Sand People
- I slaughtered a room full of innocent younglings
- I cut off both hands of the guy whose job I wanted
- Yada, yada, yada, I got betrayed by my best friend, killed my wife, burned in a volcano, became Frankenstein, and started my miserable job working for that idiotic and puke-inducing Emperor
Whined about crap all the freaking time
Do you see what is not on the list? "Whined about crap all the freaking time". Do you know why? Because I'm not a whiny little bit...
ter mama's boy. I know you never had a mother. Boo freaking hoo! Grow a pair! I never had a father and I turned out perfectly fine. I have no issues whatsoever. I am the model of social and emotional health. So please, do the universe a favor, and just shut the hell up!
After choking the first two quacks who claimed I had "borderline personality disorder" this guy said I am the picture of psychological health.
That being said, in the future (or past) if you plan on communicating with me, please keep this information about non-linear timelines in mind.
By the way, if any of you were wondering about the whereabouts of my executive assistant Vera, who is simply the Kipper's Knickers, that is none of your freaking business!
What was that?
Whining
Kim possible
Need a hand?
Picture of mental health
You know, I was both wondering if you were gonna do anything fun for Father's Day, and also when there was going to be more RP accounts/Ask!Blogs.
I guess this answers that :P
(Tbh, I've thought about trying to make a Vaati Steemit Ask!Blog, but I have no idea what I would do with it, aside from use it to incite weird goofy Alternate Reality turf war shenanigans.)
(Also idk if anybody on Steemit actually knows who Vaati is. So that's a thing.)You can find your response here:
https://steemit.com/funny/@lordvader/tomorrow-is-father-s-day-i-hate-you-all-for-bringing-it-up
Haha I wanna see lardvader eating ramen on live!!
I remember you.
You both just earned yourself a follow!
This post received a 14% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @thecryptofiend! For more information, click here!
For your whale.
He and I had a very awkward conversation about that. He is one of the only competent independent contractors we have. I didn't want to lose him but...
The Emperor has been expecting Luke.....Lo and behold, he turns up! Spot on Palpatine.
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while. And my boss is far dumber than any of your squirrels!
Can you be anymore awesome?
Yes. I become more awesome everyday. Sometimes I become even more awesome on some days as compared to others.
MAN I FUCJING LOVE YOUR STORIES, SHOW ME THE LOVE TRAIN?
It's right there.
yeah i just found this account, just followed. this was actually funny, i can tell @lordvader took a lot of time to write this transmission to all of us, and to his son @luke-skywalker ... very well done im following both of you
Thank you for noticing my greatness.
Thanks dad
hahaha
I like the one in blue. The little one should have simply pointed to the shield generator as asked.
When he said b... Rat HAHHAHHAHAH
Yes. He is a brat. He should be laughed at.
my lord, im built to follow you i guess
Yes. Too bad you weren't built to avoid spinouts!
Haha, was wondering about that!
And now you know. And knowing is half the battle. So is losing. But I wouldn't know.
I love you dark lord. How can i earn your trust ?
I may have a mission for you in the future.
I shall obey you my lord. What calamity shall i cause?
I'm so following this.
Are you in a band?
Do I look like those ass faces? They don't even have lips bro. Just a sphincter where a mouth should be.
Are you saying all aliens look alike?
Why would he care?
#alienslivesmatter
Actually yes. Yes I am.
Well, you are evil after all.
were you really 23 or were you 19? get your shit together!
When I got this armor? Yes I was 23. I know how old I am!
interesting feeling and sense. upvote and follow!
You should.
Did he ever send you a father's day card? I expect he's after your house. He'll have you in a home before you know it
Thank you for the warning. It is difficult to say if he sent a card or not. With this non-linear timeline, it could appear at any moment. Or it could have been sent in the past and I will get a memory of it. Very strange.
This is awesome! Just found your page and I'm thinking back to when my daughter gave me a hand written card promising that she would stop whining. She's always been wise beyond her years!
Whining is a total waste of time!! Upvoted and following you, hope you're having a great day.
Yes whining is the worst.
My son gave me a hand once...
Now that's funny! :)
So how is it you didn't have a father?
I was a child of the Force. very complicated. Makes no sense. The documentary creator George Lucas did a poor job of explaining this.
Which explains why you needed therapy.
That... and all the killing.
Yeah, I guess that might affect you a bit.
I will be selling the storm trooper faceplate vacuum mould, made by Andrew Ainsworth over 1/3rd of a century ago and in my possession for more than 30 years in the coming weeks... first videos will be on my steemit blog.
Those guys can't see anything in those helmets.
For those that don't put filter windows in the eye sockets - it is impossible. You have to say - they are terrible shots.
Hold on. Let me get one of the technicians in on this conversation. They are literally walking back and forth past the door. They can't fins it. Ugh.
hehe
Must have something to do with the Mandela effect!
I believe that causes you to remember something incorrectly. This problem seems to be a problem with the timeline.
The Mandela effect is described as a slight change in an individuals timeline or perceived memory. Thanks for the post!
Disturbance in the force indeed! I rallied people around your post in my last one. Even included your picture! Hope these disturbances end and the balance gets restored! Cheers!
I require a link to your transmission.
https://steemit.com/beer/@buzzbeergeek/beer-tasting-imperial-ipa-throattwister-by-nova-runda-brewery
At the bottom - to ensure the visibility of the dark one!
haha another great post! :D
You are correct. I can always use more firepower. Keep coming by.
Will do! Thank you :)
LOL!!! You have made my day ;) Upvoted without a second thought!
You are welcome.
This was utterly beautiful My Lord. Please continue making such content as this. I have followed you till the ends of time.
Of course I will. You are very wise.
You honor me too much, my lord.
lorddvader....did you sense...the financial crash coming soon?????
I did. But then I tossed a ball of yarn at the Emperor and he stepped away from the controls that would have destroyed the economy.
then....can lorddvader do something to help.....?????
I distracted the Emperor. Everything bad and stupid is his fault. So if he's distracted, you have a better chance.
then...wish the force be with me..... :)
I love this! I didn't think I would find other people who love Star Wars on here but I was wrong!
Those documentaries of the Empire's inevitable destruction of those scumbag rebels is fantastic. Especially the fifth episode.
If Mr.Freud said it there is nothing to argue my lord @lordvader
He did keep bringing up my mother for some reason.
Who knows, maybe its about a complex situation between you?
Steemit is very familial: it starts with one and ends with plenty (tell @cryptoctopus about that :D )
If I were this idiot's father, I would be the greatest father in the history of time. Perhaps I will adopt him so i can share parenting tips.
For this you will have to negotiate with his real father, who is not me. Therefore, I can't tell.
I would however be happy to share parenting tips (what about a boy invoking his dad in front of the alcohol cupboard)?
I am interested...
Haha, I'm following you xD
Thanks
Oh wow Awesom post :D
And i hope you will vote my post too, Thank's :D
LOL !
Yes. That whiny farm boy is hilarious.
@lordvader @gavvet @theprophet0
What a great post very entertaining really enjoyed it please post more was genius
If ya got a mo please check out my music here is a post I did
https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@jimjam1210/hi-im-james-an-introduction-dj-musician-so-glad-to-be-on-steemit
Hi...
I am here now, I have seen and read it, a good post and can be motivate other steemians. A great job, may you succeed with you.
Friendship greetings from me @rangga
Vote and follow done.
Waiting for your arrival.
Steemit is growing very quickly! One way you can help the community to grow as a whole is spreading the word. Steemit was recently featured in Yahoo Financial News read about it here https://steemit.com/steemit/@wvm/steemit-community-making-it-to-yahoo-financial-news be sure to follow me @wvm thanks!
funny
The whiny farm boy sure is.
@lordvader brilliant upvoted you can check me out too please
https://steemit.com/sports/@diverse-thinker/biggest-enemy-of-human-an-account-on-personal-experience
Love it!
The dark side has warped and twisted your mind father! You think these twisted timelines that you exist in can keep out the light?!? You're wrong, and also this sounds a bit like early-onset dementia.