Cool! So let me continue sharing:
My first experience with porn was as a 12 year old on a class trip. One of my mates had a titty magazine (barely harder than Playboy) that all the guys were drooling over. Our teacher came over to see what the fuss was all about, but instead of confiscating it, like we thought he would, he just remarked: "Guys, this is like licking the outside of a closed jelly jar!" I remembered it well because as funny as it was, it resonated with how I felt too.
My sexual upbringing: knowing all body parts by their medically correct names, as well as where babies came from, by the time I was in first grade. (No surprise with two MDs for parents.) As for all the rest, this is all I was told: "Do what feels good, don't feel bad about it, but please don't discuss it (with us)!" Hahaha, that may be why I enjoy talking about sex so much, and not even for a turn-on either.
As for peaceful, I'd say a definite yes. How about your sexual upbringing at home and among peers?
Hahaha, tentacle hentai! That stuff makes me laugh, simply because it's so weird, while once again so many people take it so seriously. What I do like about it, is that it offers a window into a completely different culture. And after the cactus and the raspberry I'm really in no position to judge.
Finally, one word about addictions: while porn and gambling don't do a thing for me, and alcohol and tobacco I've managed to handle quite well (even though I come from a long line of smokers and drinkers), there is one thing I know I am highly addictable to: computer and video games. I mean like Big Time! As a teen I have pulled several overnighters with trying to reach the next level, and consequently not only failed exams, but actually (ironically) stood up girlfriends where even sex may have been likely. Good news: I have been clean for 24 years. The only question that remains is: Why this addiction and not another one?
That was a pretty cool teacher!
From reading your story I can see a lot of differences. In my case my father tried to control me from a young age, even when I didn't even think about masturbating and all I dreamt of was Pokemon falling from the sky he was already lecturing me on that masturbation was bad for me.
Then he came up with the idea of using parental block on the computer. We didn't talk about it, no education, just repression. I guess that really increased the adrenaline of watching porn because I had to get sneaky and crafty to find pathways around the control system.
I get the video game addiction, had that as well. Now I still play every once in a while but no overnights, and there's just so many other things to do that there's just no time to get deeply hooked as before.
Back to porn, my case it wasn't only tentacle hentai though, there are deeply psychologically disturbing things in the world of hentai, usually related to manipulation and rape. At one point I begin to question what the hell I was watching but I still wonder what makes a young person feel so attracted to that. Why not something more romantic and loving?
My house was a place of violence and fear. Not every day, but a lot of days. I'm starting to believe there is an association on the content consumed and that home environment, so thanks for the talk, it clears some things up.
Also, among peers its very violent here in Chile, either you put on a defensive stance or get bullied. Very binary. Either you want to painfully fuck every woman around you or you're gay and victim to bully. Well, at least that was how it was during my childhood. I always had an interest in spirituality and my mother taught me to see girls as equals, so I was obviously in the gay bullied section. Things seem to be changing but that was the way it was.
I'm sorry to hear about your home environment. Yes, you may be right that it could have an affect on what excites you.
I once had a girlfriend who got really turned on by abuse. Never the physical type, but when I was being emotionally mean to her. At first I found it a bit disturbing, but once we discussed it rationally it became a great foreplay-roleplay, and then it was actually loving and romantic.
And indeed, she also complained about her mom who was evil, manipulative, and supposedly enjoyed hurting her. But then again, most people I knew had similar issues with their parents. So no science here, just subjective impressions.
I'm also pretty aware of what repression can do, making people feel guilty of their bodies or their individual likes and dislikes. Here in Mexico I keep encountering religious repression even among the most enlightened families.
Still, I don't think what you described means that you're a demon, nor do I see myself as particularly pure. Actually I'm happy to hear you overcame a habit that was obviously bad for you, and I keep my fingers crossed for you to continue in the same direction.
That's an interesting roleplay, never had anything similar and don't know how I'd react, but things can be surprising as your story tells
Thank you 🙏 you just keep being awesome, thanks for the talk