I found myself, for a week, without internet. A week where I felt disconnected from this strange online world, where so much information is the end of our fingertips. The ability to check in on the lives of those who live at different parts of the world. Where we can get pulled in, sucked in. Where we can be connected. After that week I found it hard to step back in, because it felt good to be more in the physical world. To be more present, to be more creative.
To take more walks, where I live, to really notice the changing light, how it adds more warmth, more depth even. To walk more slower. Instead of the pace I use, when I am walking to work, when I am faced with a deadline. I'm not rushing, never rushing. But I do move quicker. Now I have slowed down.
I have slowed down, something I really needed to do. To take more time for me, for my kids. To be creative together.
And it has suited me. Within that time, I have also found time to grieve. To really share some of the pain I have been carrying. Meeting someone who understands, exactly what it is like to watch as your sibling, is eaten by cancer, by the treatment that they received. The horror, the sheer injustice. Why someone, so good, had to suffer so hard. How much that bears on you, weights you down, because you can't unsee it. You carry it with you all of the time.
I found some relief. Some release. Being with someone, whom you get just let go, let some of my grief go.
From that, to waking up at 5:30 a.m, to get to the piece of land that I am caring for. The designated watering hours are from 6. So I found myself, in the dark, opening the gates up, to allow the Acequia water to come through. In the dark amongst trees, just as the sun came up. In my happy place. Walking the land, listening to it. Hearing the birds chatter and the insects start up. Feeling the sun energize me, as it rose. Breathing it, all in.
One of my favourite places to be, is amongst trees. When the wind is blowing, gently. Just enough to hear the sway of the branches and to smell the scent of them. To lay on the earth and look up. To humble myself. To ground myself. To slow down once again. I so needed to slow down. I don't know how many posts I wrote, about how busy my life was. Too many. I was starting to feel burned out. Then I had an intense week, of making decor for a festival, that I was working for. Which is why I found myself without internet for a week.
I was told there would be, but when I got there, there wasn't any and I ended up being unable to curate for the wonderful Ladies of Hive Community. I'm not in a position to turn down any work at the moment. So when I was asked to provide decor for the amazing Loves Pirate festival, I jumped at it. Because as well as getting paid, I was able to bring my girls for free, whilst also being fed. A working holiday it was, a holiday that was very long overdue. Plus I got my kids involved in helping me make the decor, as well as two other friends. Tentacles, I wanted to have random tentacles, coming out of the ground. Plus seaweed, jelly fish, pirate flags. Big project, but we done it.
That's some of the creations, in the picture up above.
All the images, you see, are mine.
I'm happy that you got a break from being plugged in. I really must do that too, but it seems the only way that will happen will be if I am forced to do it, as you were. to be more connected to the world, because I am less connected to the internet. It wasn't that long ago that I didn't even have email, but that all sucked me up rapidly. It sucked nearly all of us up.
Deaths from cancer treatment are the most horrible of ways to leave this earth. I'm so sorry you had to be a part of that. But here you are, wonderful, thoughtful, loving, kind and brilliant, despite, or maybe in part because of.
What a great working vacay you must have had. The decorations are fabulous.
xxxxxxxxooooooooooo
Hello my lovely friend, thank you for your kind words, for checking in on me.
I do hope that you take the time to unplug, perhaps it will just happen.
Much love xxxx
Hey theeere, I was just wandering why you hadn't posted in so long and if you were ok. Glad you got that chance at the festival and enjoyed it, as well as the internet detox which can be quite the experience in these times. Lots of Love 😘
Hey there, so good to hear from you and also to know that you have been traveling and in Brazil no less. I am so happy for you and for all the wonderful adventures that await you. Lots of love right back at ya xxxxx
:)
Good to know you're well! And glad you got a chance to break away for a bit. Both from the online madhouse, but also from the grief. <3
Thank you beautiful. I hope you are well. I will be over to check in on your writing soon and catch up xxxx
Reading you always makes me smile 🤗
I hope that you keep leaning into that quiet space, and life gives you the room you need to do that. Holding a loved one as they fight cancer is tough enough on its own...
As mothers, we have to push so many difficult feelings aside to get through each day at times... It hurts, and it's tough, and I see you. Wishing you lots of peace and opportunities to take time to yourself ahead, you sure do deserve them Momma! Love 💗
thank you @grindan for you supportive words, they are appreciated xxx
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Thank you!!
thanks so much xx