Nota: Antes de comenzar les invito a reproducir esta canción para que puedan acompañar su lectura.
Note: Before we begin, I invite you to play this song to accompany your reading.
I'm fine. So many bad things have happened that anyone would doubt that, but yes, I'm fine. This morning I woke up twenty minutes before leaving for work, so I had to do everything in a hurry to catch the bus on time. Lucky I have an hour's walk and can do my makeup on the bus at my leisure. If mom knew about this, she'd say I've completely lost my mind by now. But actually I'm doing great, I don't think I care at all what people think of me anymore.
Seguramente habrá alguno que dirá que me he vuelto tan vanidosa como para estar viéndome todo el rato en el espejo mientras el bus anda, pero en realidad, ese momento del día se ha vuelto uno de los más agradables que tengo, y que bueno que sea empezando la mañana. Irónicamente, maquillarme en el bus se ha vuelto un momento de intimidad conmigo misma que disfruto mucho, aunque lo haga frente de quien sabe cuantas personas que se suben y bajan a cada rato.
I'm sure some will say that I've become so vain as to be looking at myself in the mirror all the time while the bus is running, but in reality, that moment of the day has become one of the most pleasant I have, and it's a good thing that it's starting in the morning. Ironically, doing my makeup on the bus has become a moment of intimacy with myself that I really enjoy, even though I do it in front of who knows how many people who get on and off the bus all the time.
Hay muchas cosas que me hacen falta, tanto emocionales como materiales pero eso es natural, tan natural como que todos los días cambiamos de ánimo. Las cosas que tenemos y las que no, no pueden definir lo que somos, solo soy yo quien decide que ser y qué hacer con todo lo que me pasa; por eso yo decido estar bien. Siempre.
There are many things that I lack, both emotional and material, but that is natural, as natural as we change our mood every day. The things we have and the things we don't have cannot define who we are, it is only me who decides what to be and what to do with everything that happens to me; that's why I decide to be well. Always.
Cuando he vuelto a casa, luego de una jornada aburrida de trabajo y de sentir todo el día que estaba valiendo menos que nada, he podido consentir que no tengo culpa de la tristeza que he sentido o del desespero y dolor que he tenido hoy, que no solo soy la chica que no quiso hablar con nadie y que nadie quiso ver a la cara porque les causaba pena, sino también la chica que se ha permitido sentir lo que su día le ha traído y que después se ha sentado a escribir que su tristeza es un signo positivo de estar bien.
When I have returned home, after a boring day of work and feeling all day that I was worth less than nothing, I have been able to consent that I am not to blame for the sadness I have felt or the despair and pain I have had today, that I am not only the girl who didn't want to talk to anyone and no one wanted to see my face because I caused them grief, but also the girl who has allowed herself to feel what her day has brought her and then sat down to write that her sadness is a positive sign of being well.
Y no, no es que tenga una varita mágica que me ayuda a cambiar las cosas, no es que pueda estar bien en cualquier momento por un simple capricho, no es que yo pueda elegir mi estado de ánimo como si de prendas en el perchero se tratara. Es porque simplemente decido no dejarme vencer ni siquiera por el dolor más profundo que se pueda sentir.
And no, it's not that I have a magic wand that helps me to change things, it's not that I can be well at any moment by a simple whim, it's not that I can choose my mood as if it were clothes on the rack. It is because I simply decide not to let myself be defeated even by the deepest pain that can be felt.
Algunos dirán que estoy desquiciada por pensar que pasarla mal es sinónimo de estar bien, pero la verdad es que no, porque el tiempo pasa, el dolor se seca y la vida te hace florecer de nuevo. Estar mal es simplemente nuestro capullo y cuando llegue el momento, nos habremos convertido en la magia que una varita jamás podría dar.
Some will say that I am crazy for thinking that having a bad time is synonymous with being well, but the truth is that it is not, because time passes, the pain dries up and life makes you bloom again. Being bad is simply our cocoon and when the time comes, we will have become the magic that a wand could never give.
Hoy estoy orgullosa de mí, porque he podido tener paz con el corazón roto, porque hoy he dejado de reprocharle a la vida lo malo que me pasa y agradecerle porque tengo una oportunidad más para seguir creciendo, para seguir aprendiendo, para seguir avanzando sin miedo a sentir todo lo que a mi corazón se le plazca.
Today I am proud of myself, because I have been able to have peace with my broken heart, because today I have stopped reproaching life for the bad things that happen to me and thank it because I have one more opportunity to keep growing, to keep learning, to keep moving forward without fear of feeling whatever my heart desires.
No voy a ocultar jamás mis heridas ni mis carencias porque he venido a este mundo a vivir, no ha esconderme ni sentirme culpable de mi propia naturaleza. Por lo pronto seguiré coloreando mis ojos con mi público rodante y dejaré que sean ellos los que se incomoden y se sientan mal por no haberme podido levantar otros veinte minutos antes.
I will never hide my wounds or my shortcomings because I came to this world to live, not to hide or feel guilty about my own nature. For the time being I will continue to color my eyes with my rolling public and let them be the ones to be uncomfortable and feel bad for not having been able to get up another twenty minutes earlier.
¡Hasta pronto!
Thank you for your attention.
See you soon!