How many of us keep people in our friend list that we have no chance to build a future with while we reject people in the real life with whom we could actually build something? The illusion that we tell ourselves each day is a strong one because our ego fuels it. We need to feel that we matter, that we have not been forgotten, even if the quality of that relationship is close to zero. People are lonely while their friend list is full. People are suffering while they exchange cute heart emojis to hide the pain. People cling to the past, being blind to what letting go could bring in the future.
The mental list keeps things in balance or in chaos. The public profile has nothing to do with what that person is going through and dozens of cases of depression or suicide of happy "online" people shows the shallowness of social media. It looks stupid and imature that a person cares more about what a stranger thinks than about the real beautiful person sitting in front of them. It looks like a no brainer to pick the future versus the past. If only it would be that easy. When clinging to a mental list, people cling to past traumas. People cling to the old version of themselves. The need to be validated, feelings of insecurity, fear of loneliness and abandonment, fear of prejudice. What if you let go of the past and the future you imagine does not happen? And this is how the circle of helplessness goes over and over, round and round. Piercing your heart and soul until you numb yourself in front of pain.
Liberation comes when someone realizes what trully matters and acts towards it with bravery and confidence. And for some people it can take months, years, decades... Or it just doesn't happen because the trauma is too deep and the pain of changing is too much so the pain of regret looks more bearable. From an outside perspective this looks like self torture and self sabotage. How to be so blind to what is important? How to deny your own pain and fears for so long? But it is easy to judge from the outside. From that person's perspective they are doing it all right and the end result always leaves them suprised.
What people resent the most is their own helplessness. They are in fact angry on themselves for not having the courage and the power to do the change and become the person they need to be in order to have what they want. So they complain. They do not dare to challenge the status quo. They don't cut the old ties and they don't talk about what matters. They bury it, hoping it will magically go away. The anger gets redirected towards others, as it is too uncomfortable to admit that you and you only are to blame for your lack of action, of courage. For your failures. To look in the mirror and see the same fearful person every year is not easy so let's blame others for our failures. Let's pretend we are ok and keep people that we don't need in our lives while we reject those who dare to tell the truth, who dare to put a mirror in our face and show our own helplessness.
If people would be more true to themselves they wouldn't keep even half of their friend list. Their list would be so small. People of true value who deserve to be kept are rare and few. For some people it is only the old memories which unites them, in rest, there would be nothing left to say as they are too different and maybe would not even trully like each other now. But how many admit that some people no longer fit in their lives? How many admit that they have changed and sometimes you have to let go to people you no longer resonate with?
Building a new you takes a lot of courage. It starts with telling uncomfortable things to people you love the most and being prepared to deal with it. After doing that, cutting ties with old strangers is so much easier. The abundance of rich lists online reflects how little work people do in their family of origin and how that spreads in their personal lives. A life lived in fear and helplessness is not worth living as the only thing you'll be collecting by old age will be a bucket full of regret. The regret of "I wish I had done this". Maybe people should start working on the list for their own happiness rather than clinging to virtual lists that bear no emotional significance in real life. Then we could all tap into what being happy is all about: staying true to yourself and stop bullshitting others about how happy you are. Deep down, we all know that you aren't. The question is: what will you do about it?
Sometimes cutting those ties are so difficult as some people have a beneficial effect on your life and yet you still need to cut them off. I believe in living in the moment and I do not think of the future so much when it comes to starting new relationships.
Hey! Well this is a perspective I can understand, there is beauty in living the moment. For me personally it works better when I think things in the future and take decisions accordingly in the present. It is about personal preference and not all people are compatible with us on a spiritual level. I believe in the power of influence a lot.
Thank you for reading!
You're actually making some good points. While some i've met some people on hive in real life, most here don't know my real name. When speaking to people in public, one might encounter that they prefer the liberty to keep their social media chats on their phone rather than to engage in real life. They don't seem lonley? Isn't life that you live inside that body and you have no other choice but to just be enough for yourself? Consumerism makes us choose from displayed desires rather than to stop our mind and be satisfied within? Isn't the real problem like you said not really peoples public profile and their abundant friends list they can't keep up with but finding what truly makes them unique in an action, talent, activity or the pursuit of what they are passionate or truly love doing? Could it be that things then fall in place?
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Hey! I observed the same thing as you did, people turning away from real interaction and choosing the screen. The people they can't reach out to or are part of the past are somehow more appealing than the real person. Ironic and sad, as it depersonalizes the human being in front of them.
I guess it is a form of escaping the inner work and finding distractions is easier than confronting inner demons.
I agree with you that it would be so much better for people if they would focus on themselves rather than trying to fill an inner void with outside noise.
Thank you for reading and leaving such a good reply!
I completely relate to this. I've been scarcely talking to a handful of people since last year and deliberately limited my virtual connections to concentrate my energy in other channels. I'm no opening up again, but mostly to new connections. There's no point in trying to keep a straight face or presenting a nice image of life when the truth is quite different. Thank you for sharing your insights here! Blessings!
CommunityIIDiscord
Hey! I'm glad that you shared your insights, as I feel the same too therefore that is why I felt inspired to write about it. I believe that genuine connections should not be forced and if someone has to constantly make efforts to have someone's attention, then it is not right.
Putting up a facade is damaging for self esteem and personal growth. The show can't go on forever and at one time the bubble bursts. It looks like something out of the blue, but pain and suffering can be covered with fancy filters. I gravitate towards being authentic with yourself and others, on the long term it is the best strategy for mental health.
Thanks for reading and commenting so nicely on the post!