Hi, folks
This is my entry to @jaynie's The ADVICE FROM MOM Contest. You can see the details here.
Post's promo poster by @jaynie (edited)
I have posted several times about my mother, Anne Esther, about her stories and her hardships. I want to thank @jaynie for this great oportunity to reflect about my mother's pearls of wisdom. My mother has been the strongest woman I've known, both physically and mentally. Her life story is both inspiring and heart breaking: her father died when she was 9, she had to work like a mule demanding her skinny body more than it could bear to help raise her 5 siblings. That sure took a toll on her. She became a mother at age 17, separated at age 18 and had to work even more to now raise a son and continue raising siblings.
This is probably the earliest extant picture we have of her. She was only 30, but was had been hit hard by life and circumstances.
My mother became the leader of her family and of ours. Everybody went to her for guidance and solace. She was wise beyond her age and living with her was like living with a mind reader. There was nothing we would do that she did not know already. She has never stopped being overprotective, but she gave us plenty of tools to be independent.
Some of my siblings resent her unrequested advice, which they see as nagging. I don't mind it at all. If it does not apply I just ignore it. I know that her generation was told to be like that and she always means well. We've always been very close; have never had a serious argument. I find her (at times) scatological, uncooth, and orthodox wisdom humorous and quite accurate.
These pieces of advice are just a sample:
• El culo no caga una sola vez. The ass does not shit only once. She used this expression to mean that people will sooner or later need of one another and therefore one has to be humble and thankful.
• El pájaro se conoce en la cagada. You can tell the bird by its droppings. She used this one whenever she predicted a bad outcome in a friendship or relationship and we asked her, "how do you know that person is bad?"
• Por la maleta se saca el pasajero. You can tell the passenger by their luggage. This was a more decent version of the previous one.
• No cuentes con huevos en culo de gallina. Do not count on eggs that are still in the hen’s ass. This applied to situations before one would count chickens before they were hatched.
• No te metas en vaina pa’ que no aparezcas. Do not get into shit if you do not want to pop up in the picture.
• Perro huevero/cochino guatero ni que le quemen la trompa. An egg-eating dog/shit-eating pig will continue to do so even if you burn its mouth. Some bad habits are hard to correct and we were supposed to avoid people with bad habits.
• Sarna con gusto no pica. Scabies don’t itch if you like them. She'd tell you that if you got in a situation fully aware of its comlications.
On issues of motherhood and parenting she was very strict and conservative.
• Ya le compraron espuelas al diablo. Do not get spurs to the devil. She would say that whenever a child was spoiled or allowed to do dangerous things or play with dangerous toys.
• Muchacho no se gobierna. A child does not govern him/herself.
• Es mejor que llore el muchacho y no que llore la madre. Better the child than the mother if someone is going to cry.
• Mejor un correazo a tiempo. Better a licking on time. Her generation did not shy away from physical punishment, but they (for the most part used it timely and justly). When the young parent refused to take the advice, she would drop this one:
• Ya verás tu flor con to’ y bellota. You will see your flower with seeds and all.
• Madre no es cualquiera. Todas parimos, pero no todas sabemos ser madres. Not every woman is a mother. Any woman can give birth, but not every woman knows how to raise a child. This has probably been the most controversial piece of advice, especially when it was directed to any of her daughters-in-law. That was usually the source of conflict.
• Los únicos amigos que vas a tener son tus padres. Your parents are the only real friends you’ll ever have. She was fully aware of the existence of shitty parents, of course, so she meant normal, regular parents.
• El hombre propone, la mujer dispone. Men propose, women dispose. She gave this advice to every young girl to remind her of her slef-value and agency.
• Quien te haga ir en contra de tus padres no es tu amigo. Whoever makes you go against your parents is not friends of yours.
• Real no es amigo de nadie. Money is no one’s friend.
• El que es mala paga le gusta cobrar. All bad debtors are good collectors.
• No guardo real y voy a guardar ropa sucia. If I do not save money, why would I save laundry?
• Pobre pero aseado. Poor but not dirty.
Even though some of her advice sounded machista for some women in the family, my mother made sure to raise 6 men who were never afraid of asuming home responsibilities to the fullest
• El hombre no debe vivir solo. A man is not meant to live alone. She reminded me of this when I got divorced.
• El hombre también tiene que aprender los oficios de la casa. The man must also learn to do the house chores. She taught us from early age to do everything from dishes to laundry. Ironing and even mending our clothes was something we did proudly.
I have a lot to thank my mother for. Her pearls of wisdom are just a fraction of her herritage.
I want to invite: @manujune, @imabby17, @carlosehijos55, @itsjunevelasquez and @bertrayo to participate.
Thanks for stopping by
A wise woman indeed. I remember listening to some of those words of wisdom from time to time.
Thanks for stopping by
Most of what that generation taught was part of their cultural background. Maxims and saying that they had had the chance to confirm as true (at least to some extent) and which they made sure their children and grandchildren would be exposed to.
Now we see kids getting advice from social media "influencers" and keyboard pundits. We'll see where we get with that in a few years.
It's good to have you back
Thank you very much for your support
I have heard some of these words from time to time. Others are just new to me. I guess we are here to learn :)
Yes, we are
One of the interesting things about culture is the way folk wisdom spreads not only within a specif geography but across borders. Some of these notions are quite wide spread, others may be culture-specific, but still we can see the coincidences in other latitudes
Of course, our parents' backgrounds will influence what they learned and teach, as well as the methods.
I think they did a hell of a job way before social media and other external forces took over parenting
Your mother sounds amazing, @hlezama. I love her “scatological” sense of humor. Ha ha. I laughed when I read that use of the word, and discovered when I read all of her expressions that quite a few do in fact fit into that category! Thank you for sharing her wit and wisdom.
Hi, @jayna
Glad you enjoyed my vieja's wisdom. She sounds tough, but can actually be very funny. She carries memories of a whole generation before her and makes us feel we travel back in time.
You have a great day
God bless your mother!
Her wisdom is respected and teaching. It is pleasing to know a little of her through popular sayings. The first time I read "Not every woman is a mother. Any woman can give birth, but not every woman knows how to raise a child". It reminded me of the one that says "Father is not the one who begets but the one who raises.
Strong hug, @hlezama!
Your mother sounds like an amazing woman. My mother had a lot of little quips and sayings, too, but most of hers were quite mild.
Haha. I can imagine. My folks and their folks had the most peculiar ways to express and imprint their wisdom. Thanks for stopping by