What you don't know is that the ache of grief is so all encompassing that it is a greater physical pain than you have ever or will ever experience - to the extent that it leaves you gasping for breath.
What you don't know is that anguish embraces you in your sleep and yet in waking the void threatens to swallow you up over - and over again.
What you don't know is that when the rest of the world return to normal: the meals stop coming, the phone stops ringing and the dirt has settled over the grave, that is when the grief is most unbearable,
What they don't tell you is that; there is no prescribed way of surviving it - although the stages of grief are real and you will go through them, in no particular order, for any length of time and in all manner of repeated fashion.
What you don't know is that people; out of love and concern, will end up saying hurtful things in ignorance simply because they feel the need to say something.
What you don't know is that grief overwhelms you when you don't expect it, plan for it or want it.
What you don't know is that the journey is a very lonely one that you cannot avoid - despite every effort to delay or deny it.
What they don't tell you is that you can only go through it, by going through it.
What they don't tell you is that the passage of time does not heal the pain but it does allow you to cope with it to the point that you are able to laugh again.
This is deep. The closes I’ve felt this grief was when I had my miscarriage of one of my twins. I never got to hold or get to know my baby but these two things I know…
People tried to make my grief feel/seem less painful due to the fact I never got to see my baby and the fact that “at least one of my baby’s survived”…as if that would make things better…a loss is a loss.
This is definitely what I learned through my experience. There’s no way of getting around that pain but going through it.
I saw in the comment section where this writing stemmed from. I am so sorry for all of the losses you, your family and friends have went through due to cancer. God bless you sweet friend ~ 💛
Thank you sweet @crosheille. I remember from the steemit days that you shared your tragic loss. So you truly do identify with the desolation of loss. I must say that it was a big challenge dealing with the unintentionally cruel when my first husband died. One of the most difficult was having well meaners saying that at least I could remarry. Which, yes, I did ultimately and years later (and I praise our Father for the gift of new life). However when you are grieving a spouse it is not like losing your socks that you simply replace them. And that is a concept that those who have not survived loss can comprehend. I can only imagine how that scar of your loss has affected you. And now you may be comforted knowing that all your tears were bottled by the One Who carries us through the valley of the Shadow of Death.
Oh gosh, yes it’s clear that one who makes a comment as such clearly doesn’t comprehend what it’s like to experience loss and grief.
Amen! He’s the only reason I was able to get through that time. He kept reminding me that I am still a mother and that the children I have in front of me needed me.
It’s always nice talking with you ~
Ditto!!
Very powerfully written @buckaroobaby. Is this written based upon something through which you are currently having to go? Or something from your past? It is hard to imagine you have not been through dealing with grief yourself, given the impact of what you have written here.
While empathetic in reading these words, I cannot say I have ever been through grief like this. My beloved daughter and, to a lesser extent, my beloved wife have, as I listen to their expressions of pain. I will not put on our Hive blockchain a lot of detail, but suffice it to say their grief was due to the loss of a child.
How much of life (all of it really?) is beyond our control. We might wish to believe otherwise at times, but ... Do we not find what we actually control is not what happens, but how we choose to respond to it?
I hope all is well with you and your loved ones. Thank you for writing this, as there can be no question it comes from the heart! ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️
Thank you for your kind words and interest @roleerob. Yes it is written from the heart scarred through much grief but stronger for it, HalleluYah. My first husband died of cancer after a long fight. That was 12 years ago. In the more recent years I have walked through this valley of the shadow of death with three close friends who have lost spouses to cancer. It is a cruel disease that steals and destroys long before the body of the loved one is in the grave. A few weeks ago we said goodbye to a friend after her short fight with cancer. Some of these words are those I wrote for her husband and four children. As much as others can sympathise or empathise unless you have buried someone very close to you, you can't understand the depth of the anguish and utter feeling of desolation and despair. It is a terrible but necessary place to be in healing. I love the picture and purpose of Kentsugi. Do you know it? The ancient Japanese practice of mending broken pottery WITH GOLD! It is a beautiful analogy.
Okay @buckaroobaby, that certainly explains it. You have undoubtedly been a blessing to those close to you, as you have written here. Based upon ...
... a hard truth. In so many areas of experience in life, unless we have lived it ourselves, we cannot fully be of help to others, when their time comes to go through their version of the same experience, as ordained by our Creator and Sovereign God.
No. I do not recall ever hearing of it. At your recommendation, I will check into it! 🙂
Until "next time," God bless and keep you and your loved ones!
And may He bless and keep you and yours!
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Thank you @bdcommunity and @rem-steem