What is intimacy to you?
This is a very hard question to answer because we humans are really bad at understanding or talking about our emotions. In fact, we do not even have language to describe what we need in the emotional realm.
In the QOTW post, the author uses "intimacy" to mean two very different things. One is another word for touching others, and the second is talking about a connection (mental / emotional) with another.
We can see intimacy everywhere, it seems to be something far more than just human nature.
I rarely see intimacy anywhere. What i see, and the questioner sees is a low level touch based connection. You could call this low-grade, or first tier intimacy.
Intimacy to me is an opening up, a being vulnerable to change and being changed by another person who is capable of opening up, and is reciprocating.
This kind of intimacy is so rare these days because everywhere you look, on TV, in adverts, in the divorce statistics... all you see is shallow platitudes to "love". The uber high you get when you first meet someone that turns you on sexually.
And further, all the shows, movies and most of the songs are programming people to never be able to form an intimate relationship.
You cannot form an intimate relationship with a man if you have feminist thoughts that men are bad, that patriarchy is ruining everything...
You will never be completely open. You will always be guarded, and for good reason, those men start wars and keep women down and oppressed. (even if the exact opposite is true. Women are elevated in every aspect from kindergarten through college and into the work force)
We are told to be wary of other people. To never open our hearts.
We are told to go forth and find that hot love lust. Unfortunately, this usually leads to relationships with people that are very bad for us. Where we open up to people that love putting daggers in people's hearts.
But this is what we are told about love and intimacy.
Do you need intimacy to be happy?
The answer is... how were you raised?
Did you have intimacy in your family of origin?
If you did, then you will always seek it. If not, you may never know what it is. It will be an itch you don't even know where to scratch.
Further are you male or female?
Females need that touching contact, or low level intimacy or they will go mad. (not all females)
Males can go without. And its a good thing because about half of the males don't get any touch. (not all males)
However, that really doesn't answer the question.
And the only answer is that you need intimacy to be happy, but you do not need any other person for that.
If you create a connection between you and your higher-self and God/Goddess/All That IS, then you will have the intimacy that you need. It is both the only connection you need and all that you need.
Making this connection and working on yourself will bring you the joy.
Everything else is sort of a place holder for real intimacy.
How do you fulfill your intimacy needs.. especially during COVID19?
The Wuhan-flu has had no impact on me and my intimacy.
I have not changed one thing because of The-Rona.
The Wuhan-flu has allowed the world to do what i have been doing for years. Stop and ponder about their lives and their relationships.
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I miss social intimacy. I like to be especially kind to people who work with the public. The mask wearing blocks our connecting through complexes facial cues. I didn’t realize I got back as much as I gave even if other didn’t smile, there are subtle cues that were given that were energetic and fulfilling. I am an introvert and get my energy being alone and my husband is an introvert too, we get along perfectly with no effort. We work from home and rarely go out unless we need to shop. Sexual energy is coarse and easy to see but only last moments, the subtle energies like kindness and empathy have lasting positive effects like sunlight.
I don't think i look people in the face. I just feel their emotions, so i don't miss anything not being able to see their face.
There was an article about how often you see people and how friendly you are.
When you live OUT on a farm and see people in town once in a while, you are polite, tend to stop and chat a bit.
But, when you are in a city, you see so many people that you barely give anyone the time of day.
I have seen it in action, but i am not sure it is a cause or an effect.
I always try to tell the grocery clerk a joke.
I’ve lived in downtown Chicago for five years and walked to work down Wacker, I 100% agree! We moved to rural Oregon 2010 and then to Tulsa OK 2015. We moved to the outskirts of Tulsa to avoid the crowds. I grew up on a farm and it’s a different world when compared to city life.
Men absolutely need intimacy, physical and otherwise. One reason why some guys want to fuck everything that move (rather than those they are most attracted to on multiple levels) is that they don’t show vulnerability and therefore can’t receive the benefits of real intamacy.
They don’t get a feeling of acceptance and support when someone gives it because they aren’t really allowing themselves to be themselves, no one actually sees them and so they don’t trust kindness and warmth.
One example of people who deny themselves certain forms of intimacy are people who don’t know how to make friends with the opposite sex or don’t believe it’s possible without some sort of sexual attraction.
Another kind are men who worry that physical touch with another man is somehow “gay”. Even I don’t go so far as to hold another mans hand, but I think if you kicked all the society out of me, I probably would feel fine doing that when I’m sad or when I want to support someone. Is it really something so extreme?
I do feel totally fine talking about most of my thoughts, emotions and desires though which has allowed me to find some level of true self love and empowerment and to connect with the world and the universe in a healthy way.
❤️
Glad you made it to hive
I really do not know about hand holding and societal influence.
I believe in India male friends will hold hands, but not sure if i have the correct country.
Sports-ball teams all usually have a touching ritual, from slaps on the back to body slams.
Men do far better with some touch in their life. Some physical connection.
However, i have seen men go without for years.
Like a mountain man (rural or urban)
wow. this is a special one.. you have gifted me with a really important sentence
THANK YOU!! This is what i needed to hear...
There are many guided meditations for getting in contact with your higher-self.
Lazaris' first book had a good one in the back of it.
But mostly it is just telling your higher-self, "if you are out there, please show me"
Basically any kind of permission to pass across the veil.
You have free will, and in order to preserve that, finding God or your higher-self has to be by choice, and has to be initiated from your side.
I found this to be my perpetual lament when searching for a mate in my younger years. Most of the women I dated were shallow and actually behaved in the horrible way that men are portrayed in pop culture films. None wanted to commit and most were just interested in fulfilling carnal desires so they could move on to the next fling. Don't get me wrong, I've got no problem with that kind of fun, at all, but I was looking for real intimacy, and had a very difficult time finding it. The worst travesty imposed on modern women is that they are convinced that if they act in the stereotypically worst ways that men do, then they have achieved freedom and equality. They've been taught to completely abandon their femininity (portrayed as weak) in favor of this caricature of the hyper masculine (portrayed as strong, rather than what it actually is, a compensatory strategy to conceal weakness and cowardice in weak men). By the time most of them figure out that they've been had, it's often too late to find a good man and start a family.
And then those women, old and bitter, crazy and cat-loving double down and say that they just didn't give in to carnal desires enough! That men are even more at fault. How dare men ignore them (and all the yucky men should go away and die)
I even have 70 year old women (who most would consider a unicorn, except for looks) who still wants a man in her life who comes with money-bags. She hasn't set her sites any lower than when she used to turn all the heads.
And this lady actually works on her emotional baggage and understanding herself.
I am unsure if men can find intimacy with a long term partner. Sure i have seen it, but i have seen many more men getting devastated when their wives throw them to the curb.
The only thing i can think of is getting a decent girl and taking her out to a farm where she really has to rely on your for food and safety. (yes this has been tried and doesn't work more than half the time, but i have seen many happy family homesteaders.)
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