This have been amazing 4 weeks. In the last 3 days, I've gotten a lot further with my mom's move, bringing some key furniture over to her new place. So, now I'm feeling a lot better about that, too.
It's snowing again, and tomorrow we'll have breakfast together before we head off to Hamburg - the flight is at 6am, so Lily and I have to be at the airport at 4am. That's going to be fun considering the weather. Yey.
We had a few great talks in the last days. Living so far away from my family is not easy, but also gives them and me the advantage to having an inside-man on the outside, meaning that I'm part of everything, but my perspective is totally different. I'm not touched by the day-to-day, the slow abrasions of miscommunications that aren't solved in time. Plus, I evolved in a very different setting in the last years. Overall, we had much to discuss. And that was great.
One of the key things that I noticed was how easy it was to live with my mom for a month. That wasn't as easy before. For one, she relaxed a lot, and for second, I don't mind doing all the extra things that she demanded of us when we were kids. Because I only have a month with her, and I want her to be happy in that month and spend as much time with her granddaughter, and not be cleaning after me.
Yes, it's cleaning. I'm not a nasty fellow, I usually tidy and clean enough. My mom was extreme before. We have very hard water here, meaning that drops leave white stains when drying. So we always had to dry the kitchen sink and the shower and so on. And mom could get incredibly angry about that. She ones woke us up after coming home late from work to dry the sink.
It's not the worst idea, honestly, her sink is in pristine condition - after 30 years of living here. That's quite the accomplishment. I'm a big fan of taking care of the existing, maintaining and taking good care of what I have - both physically and metaphysically - in order to reduce churn. With objects, it's kind of easy to buy new, but I rather spend the money on something better. With people, both work and private relationships, it's a lot easier to maintain an existing one than having to build a new one.
Anyway, I spent quite a bit of time drying sinks and showers. The great thing is that she noticed right away (I guess she's gotten used to doing it after my brother or father come to visit), and was indeed very happy about it. So I tried even harder. Little things that make her life easier. Having to say goodbye what was her beloved home after 30 years is hard enough.
I cleaned up right after cooking, kept everything dry, swept, closed the doors so the heat wouldn't escape, did the power breeze with the windows. I was a very good guest and son. Fun fact - Lily as a lot more lee way than I ever had. There are some limits, but she does have less limits than I. And I have less limits then my brother and father. Again, probably because I'm not here all the time. Or because I do comply very nicely.
It's worth it. Seeing my mom happy with Lily? Priceless. Also, it's not like mom isn't doing anything. I'm just cleaning up and drying after myself and sometimes Lily, but mom still does most.
So, one of the greatest months of my life is coming to an end. Not only because seeing Lily so impossibly happy lights up every father's heart. Not only because spending this time with my family is fulfilling. But also because I was able to let so many lessons of the last year sink in. Reflect on them. Contemplate them.
It was good closure.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI, as well as read your own experience and point of view, I love to learn!
I think you'll surround yourself with the good memories from the last month for a long time to come and that's just how it should be. It's nice that you had this time and so lovely to hear that Lily is so happy. She'll remember this for the rest of her life.
Becca 🌷
I certainly hope so! Creating these kind of memories is important. Our bond is very strong now, but if I'll take every chance to fortify it. Not only because that's awesome, but because it gives us both a little protection, as her mom would have a lot more difficulties tearing us apart again.
A snowy fairy tale, grandma's house. A flight to Europe and back. These are wonderful memories your daughter will cherish forever.
Isn't that lovely? Fun fact - flight just got cancelled. Due to snow. Oh, the irony!
Find some positivity with your daughter even in this time of waiting. You're together, and may the universe reset itself during this time and give you the best this year.
That's the plan! Her mom was comprehensive, which isn't always the case. So I'm looking at a few extra days of vacation without any plans. Real vacation, so to speak
I'm so glad you had a good visit there! I know it was a lot of work, helping move your Mom's things, but it's great that you had some time re-connecting with everyone and putting some new experience and perspective in your life, and Lily's, too. 😊
Thank you! It really was a great time! And for me, vacation is also doing something completely different then what I usually do. Like moving. Luckily, I haven't moved in 5 years. At least privately, the bakery moved 3 times in those years :-D
Thanks for the Token and Upvote :-)
!BBH
It is great you have had a good time visiting and even getting some "enjoyment" from the chores. It is interesting how what used to be something terrible as a kid, becomes just a part of life as an adult.
As for hard water, it is the same in Finland and I am yet to find something that truly cleans the shower glass. I have tried all kinds of products and natural mixes. Just yesterday I spent a half hour cleaning out our showerhead (one of those "rain shower" things from Grohe), so it all squirts down straight and full again. No one noticed.
That's unfortunately the case most of the time when people get used to something. Mom and dad are like that. Between the two of them, many times they don't even see the little things anymore. That's one of the reasons why I focus on them.
Also, after many disappointments, I just decided I'd do all the small things for myself. If anyone notices, great, but if not, I'm happier for having done it.
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