The best time for me to be alone is at parties, or for example (and probably, some sort of academic suicide - is at exhibition openings) - I know I should mingle, and approach people and try to sell myself.
I can never bring myself to "mingle" with others, so I sit back and people watch. In watching those people, I feel a mixture of jealously and solitude, and sometimes, a bit of self-loathing in that my solitude in a crowded environment is something that I am able to embrace and be comfortable with, even though the inner monologue at the back of my mind constantly shouts "loooooonnnneeeer" in those scenarios.
Mingling isn't my thing either although I have had to do it for work and all, so got good at it. I don't enjoy that aspect though, I'd rather not do it.
I think those solitude moments can come in many ways, like me going for a walk at work when eating lunch; I don't think about work or whatever, just walk. It's nice to re-set in that way. I also go for a coffee right after work three out of five days...grab a coffee and sit by the lake and have a moment. Nice to find that detachment.
I get what you mean about the in-head conundrum in those situations you mention, I think many feel the same.
I felt pretty vulnerable typing it out. It is something I've always thought but never really spoken out loud, or written. Now, I'm fucked, its here forever and everyone will always know that I don't like mingling.
I'd rather have deep, meaningful one on one conversations, or have it be more casual, like sitting around a table at a pub, or on a couch in someone's backyard, or on beanbags near a roaring fire.
Good conversation and that level of human connection is good, but it is only good, because of the time we spend by ourselves.
Forgive me for intruding too far, but are you and your lady-friend good at being alone together? I find that such an intimate thing to do with another human. You're both in the same space, each doing your own thing. You're alone, but you're alone with someone else.
I figured it might have been a little confronting to say it but it's good that you can, acknowledge it and all; I don't see it as a bad thing to be honest.
I'm with you on the small groups and more intimate/small group settings, much easier and I think more valuable meaningful.
The lady and I do what you say a lot, we're comfortable in silence and doing our own thing but being in the same room, the garden or whatever. I think that shows a good level of connection and comfort. We don't always have to be doing something either, or talking. It's solitude and togetherness at the same time.
Yeah, good, glad we're not the only strange people who do that. So many other couples I see must be doing something together, constantly. That just wouldn't work very well for me.
It is fantastic when you've got that level of comfort with someone. Kind of like the same way cats treat their owners, I guess.