I've listened to a lot of people in my life and have benefitted from hearing and understanding many of them. Listening is an excellent skill, one learns more listening than talking. I had an idea to do a little series of posts about things I've heard people say and which I've taken away, thought over and applied to my life. I'll keep these posts quite short but hope someone reads something they can fit into their own life. Here goes.
Become an expert at embracing solitude
People have lost the ability to find a quiet place away from others, a space of their own where they can discover and rediscover themselves and to delve within to become more in touch and in tune with their thoughts and feelings. I often wonder if they're afraid of what they may discover, or perhaps they're afraid of not discovering anything?
A lot of the stress people suffer comes from the inability to do this, to detach from others and the world around them, society, their troubles and problems and simply be still and to still their mind. We are constantly bombarded from all sides in today's fast-paced world, it's relentless, but people also seem to fill their lives with constant stimulation, screen time for example, which doesn't often have the value they perceive it to have. Embrace alone time, being quiet and still.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own
I am proficient, if not expert, at embracing solitude. In fact, I seek it out on the regular. Not that I don't love my family, but solitude is a bone deep need in my life. Being quiet and still = <3
It's important to me as well and I'm pretty good at it. Happens in nature most times but I also do it at home and all, sometimes half a day or so and sometimes just a short time, I find value in it, helps me get more out of myself.
The best time for me to be alone is at parties, or for example (and probably, some sort of academic suicide - is at exhibition openings) - I know I should mingle, and approach people and try to sell myself.
I can never bring myself to "mingle" with others, so I sit back and people watch. In watching those people, I feel a mixture of jealously and solitude, and sometimes, a bit of self-loathing in that my solitude in a crowded environment is something that I am able to embrace and be comfortable with, even though the inner monologue at the back of my mind constantly shouts "loooooonnnneeeer" in those scenarios.
Mingling isn't my thing either although I have had to do it for work and all, so got good at it. I don't enjoy that aspect though, I'd rather not do it.
I think those solitude moments can come in many ways, like me going for a walk at work when eating lunch; I don't think about work or whatever, just walk. It's nice to re-set in that way. I also go for a coffee right after work three out of five days...grab a coffee and sit by the lake and have a moment. Nice to find that detachment.
I get what you mean about the in-head conundrum in those situations you mention, I think many feel the same.
I felt pretty vulnerable typing it out. It is something I've always thought but never really spoken out loud, or written. Now, I'm fucked, its here forever and everyone will always know that I don't like mingling.
I'd rather have deep, meaningful one on one conversations, or have it be more casual, like sitting around a table at a pub, or on a couch in someone's backyard, or on beanbags near a roaring fire.
Good conversation and that level of human connection is good, but it is only good, because of the time we spend by ourselves.
Forgive me for intruding too far, but are you and your lady-friend good at being alone together? I find that such an intimate thing to do with another human. You're both in the same space, each doing your own thing. You're alone, but you're alone with someone else.
I figured it might have been a little confronting to say it but it's good that you can, acknowledge it and all; I don't see it as a bad thing to be honest.
I'm with you on the small groups and more intimate/small group settings, much easier and I think more valuable meaningful.
The lady and I do what you say a lot, we're comfortable in silence and doing our own thing but being in the same room, the garden or whatever. I think that shows a good level of connection and comfort. We don't always have to be doing something either, or talking. It's solitude and togetherness at the same time.
Yeah, good, glad we're not the only strange people who do that. So many other couples I see must be doing something together, constantly. That just wouldn't work very well for me.
It is fantastic when you've got that level of comfort with someone. Kind of like the same way cats treat their owners, I guess.
Constant simulation from every angle once you in front of any device one really has to switch off.
Reprieve at end of day with no devices outdoors, watch the stars or clouds floating past, only way to slow down the pace, assess own situation.
Have a wonderful day/night.
I like your reprieve at the end of the day. Watching the stars is a fantastic way to have that reset. I like the early morn as well, to watch the horizon lighten...it sets the tone for my days. Happy star gazing!
When everything is quiet, early morning and late at night always invigorating.
No devices...that's the key to it these days. I figured you'd be one of the people to understand what this is about and the benefits of it.
If you don't learn to switch off you get brain worm...., you don't want that!
Oh yeah, worms in my brain is probably not what I'd like to have.
Surprised I have not seen maggots topple out of some apparent thinkers of late, will swan along hopefully hang onto the grey matter in one piece.
Eww, maggots in the head...not a nice thought.
Not nice, very real!
Totally agree.
I was saying this last WE
It's incredible how rare it is today to be disconnected, to enjoy solitude. I admire and support everyone who does the impossible to learn to enjoy solitude; nowadays, it's a superpower. That's where we are as a society. I completely agree with every word
Waiting for the Next :) love this new dynamic
I think someone in your profession would really value some solitude and I think it's probably quite important. How do you manage it in your busy professional life?
I have my phone set up so that when the workday ends, only notifications from family and close friends are activated. No work-related notifications.
I always try to carry a good book in my backpack, do some daily exercise (gym or just a walk), and spend some time writing.
At first, it was difficult ; as healthcare professionals, we often have the superhero complex (which sometimes overwhelms us and does more harm than good). It's not always easy, but fortunately, my partner understands and respects my space, which makes it even easier to enjoy some solitude time every day. I think living without those moments has become very difficult for me at work
It sounds like you've got a good handle on it and that's good to hear. Health, as you know, is important and a need to manage it well, and in various ways, exists
Part of the reason why I enjoy making art is because it helps me to forget the rest of the world...For a while at least I forget all wars, crazy politicians...I only think about what I am creating. is nice when for a few moments I only need to think about what color I want to make a characters hair, what expresion they should have.
Yep, that'll do it for sure. Sitting still and doing nothing is another good way but that takes practice to still and quiet the mind.
I can consider myself pretty lucky, working a lot of time, kid at kindergarten, wife working, I can be completely alone and in the silence a lot, I can take a break and just leave the pc and stay there thinking or even not... But I don't like solitudine generally
I think the key Tobit is not doing anything. Silence is one thing, this is about silencing the mind as well though, being still. It seems you manage it so well done, I imagine that you get value from it.
Yeah, you can reflect on a lot of things, sometimes actually I'm afraid to think too much like this, I mean where the thinking could bring or what conclusions you might get
I think that's one of the reasons people don't do this much, afraid of what they may discover; I think good things can come if it though, even if those good things come from some initially bad or confronting things.
It's more like finding a person who can find peace in their loneliness, and you have found a strong person.
Yeah, embracing boredom and solitude for a short amount of time and regularly has a lot of benefit, to me at least. I lead a very busy life, always have, and those small gaps of detachment have big value.
Bottom line. Find peace.
Yep for sure, even if it's just for a short time before launching back into the chaos of life.
I have just come to a small town for a week alone. Everything goes as it should when I am alone, I plan my time 100% myself. And there is several times more time in a day when I don't have to rush anywhere.
Enjoy that alone time, it has value.
I think many times I lean a little too far into the realm of enjoying solitude and then it can be a pretty lonely place. Luckily I have my wife now and she helps to keep me stable. It's easy to get lost in your own solitude if you aren't careful. I agree though, it is important to have that time now and then. Last night my wife and I got home from a very busy weekend. It was a lot of social time with people and when we got home I let her go to bed and I just stayed on the couch for a bit to have some mental time to myself. It was nice.
I think there's a difference between solitude and withdrawing completely which can be a slippery slope. I think the main takeaway is to find some moments of solitude daily, 5-10 minutes to re-set, reflect and feel at one with oneself.
Good point. That's actually part of the reason I come into work about an hour and a half before everyone else does. It gives me some of that time to just prepare for the day.
That's one way to do it for sure, that small amount of quiet time can have huge benefit.
Back in the years, even when I had so much going on around me, I was still able to pick out time (a me-time), especially in the evening and cool off at a park - I will just there alone reminiscing about nothing, just there staring at the air.
These days, the opposite turns out to be the case. Quite a lot has changed and so much is going on. No more free time.
I am battling with getting my me-time back regardless of the whole hustling and bustling. It helps restore self confidence, reassurance and love.
Maybe you'll find what's required and maybe not, either way you're spending your life.. and one day you'll not have anymore to spend. Best to make the most of your "currency".
These words of yours have poked my heart dearly. I'll heed to it. Thanks!
Yes, a person needs a quiet place from time to time to reorganize his thoughts.
Yeah.
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STOP“I love solitude and silence. Certain companies I love more (sometimes)” A few years ago I wrote that sentence and it is still valid in my life.
I like quite often to be alone and enjoy the silence, it gives me peace and comforts me, it is something vital in my life.