In life there are "two kinds" of everything or almost everything and each of us, knows which 'kind' of reality we decide to live with…
Sometimes we identify so much with the economically productive or professional role, that we do not know who we are without that role. It's like being hugged to a salvation board. They are those situations in which we present ourselves according to our titles or the position we hold in the place where we work.
Or, on the contrary, those moments when we die of fear before the question "and you, what are you doing? What do you do for a living?", because deep down we feel that the answer is not talking about what we do, but about who we are in our productive role. As if our identity is linked to our productivity.
I remember when I had my young children, I was conflicted many times about wanting a break in my professional career to devote myself to parenting. I also have men around me who are ashamed of making less money than their partners (their women).
Young people from prestigious professions hide honest jobs that have nothing to do with their academic degrees, for fear of being rejected or underestimated by their peers. And to women like "me at this stage of 50 years and up”, to feel anguish for not being defined from my productive role or over evaluated and therefore that they do not give you the job.
As if our productivity marks our value as a person... For God's sake, nothing could be further from this.
Definitely, I have broken patterns because I have managed to get out of that herd, even though rejection and exclusion has often been threatening, I have been pointed out, questioned, but I preferred to get out of that herd because staying was not convenient at all, nor a good option.
Symbolically, getting out of the need to be defined by our professional role is sometimes urgent. Because only in this way do we overcome the fear of autocratic and totalitarian leaders (bosses). In addition, my identity does not have to be subject to my productive role.
I learned so much from this experience that I expanded my gaze and heart in relation to this topic that always lead to the experiences of exclusion when we were children and how they affect us in adult life.
Living loneliness and the abandonment of rejection systematically in childhood leaves traces that persist into adult life.
I still see it in myself every day, in the way I relive the same childhood feelings on my skin in adult situations such as: a friendship breakup, not being selected in a job interview or in front of new people, new groups, even on social networks I have experienced it, even because of my chronological age.
It is in all professions, in all countries and at all times there have been professionals who, taking advantage of their productive roles, create relationships that not only make a healthy professional, work relationship impossible, but clearly cause harm to the person.
Social networks not only create a new channel for this to happen, but it increases the risk because we have the possibility of coming into contact with our boss, leader, tutor, as the case may be, in a space with seemingly blurred boundaries. And I say apparently why in reality the boundaries are clear.
A good professional knows how to maintain his productive role with an individual, protecting the bond in any circumstance.
Every time an authority figure at work or in the professional online world transgresses a limit, it is normal that we feel confusion and uncertainty. In an online world, where our professional practice is not subject to the territory and professional associations are weakened, people need this type of information. It is something that needs to be educated about in order to be alert.
When I have gone through situations similar to these that I am sharing with you today, what I call meaningless personal moments in the professional relationship (opposites), I have been brave, determined, although in the face of the anarchic and confusing situation, I have even felt overwhelmed, but I acted, and I have let them know that what they have been doing is not right.
As adults, we want to feel in “control” and that's why we could downplay it, minimize it, blame ourselves or even make jokes about it. The important thing is to pay attention to that little internal bell that says “there's something not right here” and get to safety by restoring the boundaries or looking for another space that is safe.
These experiences of exclusion and opposite to our identity can lead us to live adulthood in a defensive way, accompanied by feelings of insecurity, competitiveness, confusion, shame, envy, self-demand, and resentment.
Let's live the differences, the opposites with harmony, humor and balance.
Ifs you know what I'm talking about in this post, and how it feels, you can leave your comment
Janitze.
Separator made with Canva by @janitzearratia
Any images in this post are taken with my iPhone 12, the Infinix pro-note 30 or with the camera eighties Rolleiflex 2.8 f, and edited with Canva
Translation with |DeepL