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RE: Bubbles of Best and Worst

in Reflections2 years ago

So, in case you didn't know, I'm a huge idiot and for some reason want to pursue medical school. This is a tall order for any one of any background. I grew up in some very poor circumstances. So much so that moving to the "projects" was an improvement at one point. You know, the place that gets labeled as the hood and shows up on so many different depictions of the disparity of America. Yeah, that was better. To make it more difficult, I'm a high-school dropout. I got a job as a dishwasher when I was around grade 9 to help my mother pay her bills so my brothers wouldn't become homeless again. I jumped on college before I was ready and really messed it up. (Was more worried about where I was going to sleep or eat, than showing up for class.) I figured my chances ended there, but for some reason I just can't let the idea go. So here I am, in middle age ten years (or more) after the fact trying to make it happen.

A friend of mine really encouraged me to do this while we were in paramedic class together. He totally talked me into pursuing it. He's in medical school now, having already done a majority of the coursework, and I'm trying to catch up. Probably 1.5-2 years out from applying. He grew up in a more affluent neighborhood than I. He's also black. He told me medical schools were more lenient in what grades they accept from unrepresented minorities in an effort to create more diversity.

This is kind of messed up on multiple fronts. Imagine being like him, an underrepresented minority and having it hang over your head that you got in under the guise of a diversity effort despite being qualified. That seems insulting to me. On the other side of the coin you have people like me who are assumed to have every advantage but in reality not so much. Even the systems that attempt to make things "fair" aren't all too fair.

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What do you think was the major point or catalyst that made you drive for a different path?

Imagine being like him, an underrepresented minority and having it hang over your head that you got in under the guise of a diversity effort despite being qualified. That seems insulting to me.

Affirmative action hasn't worked and has only muddied the waters for many people. It also creates ridiculous assumptions about repression and privilege. That doesn't happen here, though I am guessing at times some make decisions similar. However, it is far more common to go the other way, where being foreign is a negative.

Catalyst as far as what? If you mean to go back to school, it was being generally unhappy with my current trajectory in life. I saw myself being largely irrelevant, with no happiness drawn from the experience. If you mean catalyst for this particular path it all comes down to giving people second chances. It's easy to be written off on the lower end of the ladder. Sometimes it is undeserving. Sometimes you are put in survival mode and make really poor decisions. Although it's always hard to choose when the options are between bad and worse.

Meritocracy is the aim right?

If you mean to go back to school, it was being generally unhappy with my current trajectory in life.

This.

I saw myself being largely irrelevant, with no happiness drawn from the experience.

I feel many are in the same boat, but they haven't got over the hurdle to actually do something about it. They just sit as victims of circumstance.

Meritocracy is the aim right?

I suppose. But the start line is so staggered, I am not sure if balance is possible. I also think that merit alone might not be the greatest indicator, as we aren't able to give value to all parts that are important to us, or the community. This is why in a business we value what we can see and count, and normally all the other stuff is discounted.

I took a big risk in that period. The lady was very pregnant with our son and I was like, "by the way, I'm quitting my job and striving for the seemingly impossible or I'll never be happy."

She was pissed.

Today I had a conversation with that friend that I mentioned. I just randomly saw him out and discussed some stuff with him in a restaurant. He was asking about my progress and after I told him how things have been going he said, "you seem to have a home-run case, you just need to get in front of the right people." Just a simple nod of the hat is sometimes enough to be the encouragement you need to get through the other side.

I attribute my success so far to incremental success. I did not have confidence walking into this thing. I didn't even believe I could do it. I set short-term (small), mid-term (average), and long-term goals. The latter were more malleable in the face of dynamic environmental changes (because life throws you curve balls). The short term were more rigid. They all however worked together towards a goal.

After a bunch of little successes I tricked myself into believing that I could do it, because at some point you have to give yourself credit. I don't think this is a miracle. It's just a product of calculated action. I'm not special. Anyone can do this and I try to encourage every one that I can because it's worked so well for me. I'm not religious but there is a line from the bible that I've taken to heart:

"And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted."

Stay humble. Take chances. Work hard. I can't control the variables that make up "fairness" in the minds of many, but I can control how hard I work for it. There's some degree of luck involved, but at a certain point it only plays a minor role. Also, it's hard to get lucky if you never take on risk.