I enjoy talking and listening to the views of people of all age groups, particularly teenagers and young people in general about sex. You see, I'm an open-minded person, and no subject's taboo, and when I interact, I make teenagers feel comfortable to express what they are feeling.
Looking back, my teenage years were the most challenging time of my life, as I'm of a questioning and experimenting nature, and adults, including my mum, had difficulty discussing topics about sex.
In my time, there was preaching without education, and whatever library books were available, was taboo to be seen in those aisles.
Times are different, and the sex awareness that Generation X vs Y vs Z have/had in their teenage years differs significantly. This is because information is readily available on the internet, and sexual education is discussed openly and honestly in schools.
Reflecting on my teenage years, and early adulthood...
Porn was my sexual education.
Magazines, videotapes, YouTube, no, You Porn!
Yes, that's the one.
That was my favourite one.
I just could not get enough.
You know that thrill from watching Formula 1, binge-watching Game of Thrones till the wee hours of the morning, or even watching the final two beauty queens holding hands smiling at each other anticipating being crowned the queen?
That adrenaline rush, where you just need to watch one more? Then you say, that's the last one, for the umpteenth time?
Well, that habit went on for an extended period, until one day I had a light bulb moment of "I'm addicted to porn."
That acknowledgement hit me differently because I'm of a strong mind and thought that I was above an addiction.
I proved myself right, and I dropped that habit addiction, like a hot potato, and I no longer browse or find any satisfaction in viewing porn.
I had a chat with some teenagers and young adults recently, who highlighted that internet dating is quite the norm. I particularly like the views of my friend who is now 17 years old. She has always been comfortable having sexual discussions with her parents, and her physical changes, since she was about 14 years old. She was a rounded student, involved in extracurricular activities and school clubs, and she continues to have interests in creativity and arts. She's like the model daughter with a solid character, with no desire for a sexual relationship. Her choice is based on her observation that guys her age are highly focused on sex and she prefers to have fun with her girlfriends and platonic male friends.
Her friend who is in her early twenties whose relationship of two years ended right before a planned wedding, is currently dating.
She's confident, self-aware, and comfortable enough to have been on 5 blind dates in 7 days with different guys her age. She arranges to meet with them in public places such as the movies, restaurants and coffee shops, and she then evaluates her compatibility or red flags and decides if she wants to go on a second date.
It was entertaining to an extent and made me thankful that I'm no longer on the dating scene.
I strongly believe that child psychology, topics of sexual awareness and the changes that come with personal development, needs to be discussed at a responsible level. As this will help to reduce peer pressure and increase girls' self-esteem and boys' understanding and respectful approach to girls.
Okay, I'm aware that children might relate differently to both parents and that the topic of sex might not be one that both parents feel comfortable discussing with their teenage boy or girl. However, shying away from the topic is no good. I think it would be more beneficial if parents took a different approach by instilling wholesome values and principles in teenagers of both sexes, as I think that would be the best compass in their decision-making and in their involvement or desire to engage in sexual activity, responsibly.
Namaste 🙏
All images are mine.
How are you dear friend @millycf1976 good morning
Excellent post, invites a deep reflection. In Argentina not long ago the topic of conversation about sex is changing, until a few years ago talking about sex was taboo.
The schools are addressing this type of conversation, and we as a family are preparing to accompany my daughter's sexual education with our granddaughter, this is new for us, since we do not experience it with our children
I appreciate you sharing your experience. have a beautiful day
Hello there!
Wow! That's impressive and the way forward I think.
Hmm, you've inspired me to do some research on Argentina, as I like to know what's happening in different regions across the world.
Thanks for sharing this information. It has given me some light.
Have a lovely week ahead:)))
that sounds great dear friend. Argentina is very interesting in many aspects
Have a beautiful morning
Thanks 😊
There are challenges with the online dating world too - as younger people are full of confidence, but also are less socially capable, less able to read situations. They are also often influenced by things like porn to think that some of the scenes are normal, so violence of various kinds are creeping into culture, that would have been very rare earlier.
It is good to have a healthy relationship with sex and relationships, but I think that the current climate is not fostering that, instead it is braking down the connections required and people are ending up more depressed, more lonely.
Time will tell more though.
I agree wholeheartedly.
🖕A blind date via social media is incomprehensible to me, for this very reason.
I don't want to be dull and gloomy, but it's frightening, and, yes, only time will tell.
Good topic. It brings me back to the birds and the bees talk my mother had with me. It was odd because usually the father gives it to teenage boys. My father passed away when I was 15 so I never received it from him. Looking back she hit all the areas though, she was a nurse so it included some good health information to.
Oh when we're at the early age of thinking about sex we tend to experiment with things and porn is not off limits. Most of us grow out of it though. I think sex is more openly talked about today than in the past.
Today's dating is very different than when I was dating. I did do online dating when my dating days came to a close. It started in the late 90's here. Yes meeting in a public place is a must. It's also nice to either close or leave the door open. Just don't give your digits out right away, haha.
Thank you 😊
I discovered a lot through experiments, and I remember thinking, "How was I supposed to know that" or "How else did I imagine something to happen".
It's a scary world, and as adventurous as I am, internet dating is far too risky for me.
Bless your mum 🤗. I think her teaching worked effectively, though:)
Hehe, you'd be surprised that some people actually do that.
Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it:)))
Can I just say I found it hard to focus throughout because of the sheer awesomeness of your bedroom decor? Seriously, it's gorgeous. I love the walls, they bring so much life into the room (and I love the minimalist, yet full of character arrangement).
sorry. obsessiveness over :))
I agree, it's important for kids to be able to talk to their parents. I've always thought that stems from a certain degree of friendship between parent/child. I always say, if you're gonna be this super-strict, super rigid parent up until their 16th or 18th birthday, you can't really expect them to come to you with their dating problems the day they turn "grown-up", right?
I think modern dating's hellish, tbh. Online dating creates this illusion of endless choice. There's always something better for you out there, you know? I also feel it's affecting our IRL interaction. Nowadays, it's quite rare for people to actually approach you on the street, from what I've observed/heard. I've also noticed online interaction has become so prevalent as to steal focus from in-person interaction, in some relationships, at least. There's definitely a bad side to being constantly available to someone via smartphone :)
Honestly, it's admirable that you are so determined, and managed to drop it like that. And it's pretty cool that you feel confident enough to talk about that, I know it's particularly weird for women to talk about pornography, for some reason.
From what I've heard from partners and podcasts and so on, porn addiction apparently a big issue for young men over the last few years. Probably due to the increased social isolation, both due to Covid, and this whole online dating, remote working, etc. It's so rare to actually need to leave your house, and so convenient to be able to satisfy every desire right in the comfort of your home...
Okay wow, I've talked for quite a bit, so I'll stop. really cool topic, though. Namaste <3
I wish it was my bedroom. It's the bedroom my 17-year-old friend designed. I remember when she was selecting the colour scheme and I finally got to see it. It's now the guest room because she moved into the attic and has designed that beautifully too. She's such a creative.
That's so fucking true. That bonding, trust, and openness have to start from they are young.
It's the first time that I'm looking at it from a woman's perspective. I have many male friends who do internet dating. They're either going through a mid-life crisis or losing their wives. They are open about what they do, and yes, it's endless options, and it's just a different kettle of fish.
I won't lie, I find the dating world intimidating and somewhat daunting in terms of finding a life partner.
Yeah, I'm very aware of that. My girlfriends detested my habit, yet admired me for being true to myself.
I speak openly about it because watching porn lead to my abstinence from sex and being cautious (scared) to date (for the very reason that Taraz highlighted in the comment).
So, to me the timing of my "addiction" was perfect.
Really? Wow, she's super talented! <3
Me too. I remember someone telling me well obviously these online dating apps aren't great for meeting a consistent partner, because they're not designed with that in mind. As an app designer, my interest is to keep you engaged into the app, not deleting it after a week or two, right?
So they engineer the apps and subtly influence the culture and conversation around them to something more cold and superficial, which keeps you coming back. Obviously, app design alone can't change how people are, and what they're looking for and all that. But pair an endless amount of options with an ever more superficial hedonistic society, it's an ideal combination (for the apps, not so much for the people looking for long-term stability).
went back to see what he'd said: D Yeah, completely. It definitely creates this impression that that is what's gonna be expected of you, when you go to bed with someone, which can be frightening, especially since everyone's recovering from (or not so much) abuse or trauma of some kind. The possibility of being hurt and exposed to brutality becomes too much, and people shut in.
we learn what we need to, when we need to, right? I'm glad it worked out like that :) And I'm glad it didn't influence you negatively forever. There's people for whom that happens. I think it's when you're immersed in that long enough, it comes to affect how you view the world. They mistake what's on screen for how all reality out there must be and end up paralyzed, too scared to even go out for coffee with someone. That's a shame.
Sorry again for rambling. It's just a subject that's very interesting to me, how we interact and why and all. :)
I've come to realise and believe so ✊
I totally agree with you. If parents do not take up the mantle they leave their kids to the "environment" to be the children's sole teacher. Schools are openly talking about sex and gender to children so it would be wise if parent assume this seeming awkward responsibility andguide their children based on the value they want to instill.
It is great that you are engaging with teenagers and sharign opening with them because it is nice to have a listening, non-judgemental ear.
I have 3 teenagers and despite the awkwardness - I have no choice but to have those meaningful conversation. I allow my children to lead the way in order to alleviate the discomfort. The important thing is to for them to feel able to share and for me to get my message across. Whether they agree or not is not always the most important things initially. What matters is that they receive another viewpoint and most importantly that, of people they know have their best interest at heart.
It cannot be easy raising 3 teenagers. However, the Dutch are known to be pragmatic about sexual education, which is one of the results of why I believe there's less promiscuity, lower percentages of teenage pregnancies, and youngsters having mature and aware decisions in terms of engaging in sexual activity.
My friends who have teenagers are open-minded like me and they have direct and real conversations with their teenagers about sex. I rate that about them, and I have no doubt that if I had a child (male or female) that there would be no censored conversation regarding sex.
I wish you strength, understanding and patience with your children 🤗
I am sure you would be a great parent being as open-mined as you are. Yes indeed sex education here is indeed pragmatic and the end result is as you described for the most part. Thanks for the wishes but thank goodness my teenagers are actual pretty easy - I feel quite luckily. It was tiring but from an early age we spoke about and discussed and many topics. We encourage the kids formulate their opinions thus creating the opening for the more sensitive topics as they grow.
I just told my oldest about your post and that triggered a conversation with my 2 girls. They confirmed that there was never a taboe topic. However, my oldest says she does not always agree with us. That is totally fine and expected of course. She also told us that a few of their friends like to visit our home because they feel comfortable talking to us about many things. That is nice to hear.
I am more or less prepared for anything that comes but at I am not anticipating any wild, rebellious or surprising actions at this stage.
That speaks volumes. Congrats on that. Children need to feel comfortable and have confidence in people who they can relate and open up to.
From all that, I don't foresee you having any extreme behaviour from any of them.
Good on ya 🤗 👏
The difference between then and now is huge and there are lots of stuffs available for teenagers to learn from through the internet and the negative impact is that majority of the teenager and youth who seekk answers from the internet use these information wrongly.
I have had experience that will definitely make my children free to discuss anything with me. The moment my mom realised that I was in puberty, she began asking me questions and talking about stuffs.
It got to an extent she doesn't chase girls away around me, she welcome them and even taught me a few things from their lifestyle which helped.
I was able to resist peer pressure that came during my teenage days.
You're lucky to have a mother like yours.
It shows that you're from a good upbringing too, and I do not doubt that you are and/or will make a great dad or uncle. 🤗
Porn is one of the most nefarious addictions. I know it from my own experience. It's a brain wrecking shit that many are still whipping under the carpet. I regret so much watching the tons of porn that I did over the years.
Tell me about it 😏
It's not for me to judge anyone's morals or dictate how to live others' lives. However, when I became cognizant of the criminal side of the industry, human trafficking and all, there was no more appeal 😏