My life is, by many counts, excellent. I am retired. I have enough money. I have comfortable homes in lovely places, two wonderful daughters, an intact family-of-origin (those of us still living) and several very close friends. I am very healthy, healthier than anyone else I know who is my age. There is a great deal to get up every morning for.
Where I am lacking, and what I am striving to improve, is how to love a man! Yeah! That kind of love! This has been hard to do for me at younger ages (despite a 27 year marriage), because so much was at stake back then. But now, nothing is at stake, and I still find it difficult. Maybe it's old habits that won't die - fear of being found inadequate, fear of love fading, fear it's only lust, fear of being hurt, and of hurting another.
I strive, now, to live at all times with a connection to deep love, pure love. To not feel a need to pray for it or manifest it (I hate that word but there it is), because it is right here, within my grasp at all times.
It is simple. But like all very simple things, it is difficult to understand. I wish I could love all beings as much as I love my daughters, and my dog. Dogs are simple! Humans are so complex! Or are we? Maybe if I could feel this pure love, humans would become purely simple. Thank you for listening to my freewrite on your question. It's a good one.
On a more practical note, tomorrow I'm gonna get off my duff and finally trade some bitcoin for monero.
I'd have been surprised had your opening paragraph read differently, the opposite I mean; I think you've worked at it and so you have a good life, excellent, in your own words.
Now, the rest...I appreciate you opening up about this in a comment on my post, it's a good thing I think, to be open and forthright and to face head on those things we feel require some work. You're not asking for answers, just thinking out loud, and that's cool because I don't have them...but I know that the answers you seek are there inside you, maybe you just need to move some stuff around a little so you can find them. When you do...that's when magic happens.
You say, within your grasp, and it is...you just proved it.
Thanks for your comment, as I said, I appreciate personality and abhor fakeness and PC answers that show no passion...Good work. Also, if you have any BTC to spare send it on to me, I know someone who could use it...might be me. 😆
lol. I just might.
That person would put it to good use. (Still might be me.)