If you care to check the depths of my activity on this blockchain, you'll notice this isn't the first time I posted the below post on loss and love. I had to delete it quick smart because it was muted in the community I posted it in - The Flame, which, if you've been following the drama, was started by Raymond who started BRO coin. It was my bad, really - I didn't read the community rules which said the group was invite only. I was responding to a post @holoz0r wrote in said community, and perhaps was over excited.
I get that communities have rules, but this one made me squeamish. There was some wierd religious icongraphy going on and it felt - cultish. Sure, it might have been a little creative hyperbole - every community has a little theme going on, right? But I baulked at it mainly because an 'invite only', exclusive community didn't sit right with me. For me, Hive is about inclusivity, not secret clubs and off chain Discord groups you may or not be allowed into.
Part of the reason I've stayed on Hive so long is that I get to meet all kinds of people, from all walks of life. Some I understand, some I don't. Some I get along with, some make me scroll on past and roll my eyes. But I love how we get the opportunity to expand our personal horizons here. We're challenged by difference and diversity. I have learnt an awful lot from people who live very different lives from me. Everyone has some essential awesomeness that should be embraced and valued.
ON the contrary, exclusivity is destructive in online communities. Little walls, however subtle, cuts off the source of what makes Hive alive. It shrinks conversations and reinforces echo chambers, and stops people coming together in interesting ways. It denies new voices who might bring freshness, that might challenge the way we do things.
It's easy to connect with people like us, but it's the ones who don't that helps us grow. Inclusivity doesn't mean that we agree with everyone but that we make room for difference, for the people who make us uncomfortable. When we start gatekeeping who enters communities, things stagnate.
So yeah, I like the friction, the variety, the ability to see the world through many eyes. Hive is at it's best when it's NOT made up of closed clubs.
Of course, The Flame has proved itself to be - well, kinda wierd, and Raymond's exit will be going down in Hive history, sadly. Maybe some kind of intuition told me to steer clear. But I'm pretty sure it was more about my values. Exclusivity sucks.
So here's the muted post, again. I felt kinda sad it was muted and never really saw the light of day. I'd emotionally invested in it, like I do a lot of my writing, so it meant a lot to me that people read it.
Schrodinger's Gains
To love puppies and fathers hurts. To love cats and hamsters and mothers and budgerigars and grandfathers, to love a child, to love a best friend, a wife, a lover. To commit to love is to commit to loss. There's no other way around it.
The great @holoz0r, may his name ever be spelt correctly, wrote this week of Schrodinger's loss - that in the 'cold, indifferent universe, no life is special', but we are foolish creatures that tell 'tell ourselves that we can fight back against the inevitable. That things will stay just the way they've always been.' even though we know things will die. We fall in love with cats and dogs and people even though we know they are Schrodinger's pets, both alive and dead at the same time.
Arguably, we don't really know this. Not the first time we lose, and sometimes not even the second or the third or the tenth. We keep coming back for more. And then one day we're looking at old photos and thinking, isn't it funny how time passes? Do you remember that dog?
That father?
The father that talked me into a puppy, because he loved dogs. I didn't have a choice. I wasn't thinking about permanency - either my own ability to provide security to a pet or the fact that all pets must die.
The puppy in the photograph is Port. She was a little border collie cross who was a little nut case. Incredibly loyal, to me, and wouldn't listen to anyone else. I used to leave her (accidentally) at the beach and she'd be there hours later waiting for me to come in, until she cottoned onto that and would just run home and wait on the front door step of the house I was at last. Then she realised there was only one house that I would always go back to at some point, which was my parents, so instead she'd go back there.
Then I started travelling, and Dad, in his desire to teach me responsibility, would not look after the dog. No one would - she was my little nutcase, and I loved her, but no one else would take her on. My Nana drove me to the pound. I know no one took her, or she would have turned up on my Dad's doorstep. To this day it's the one regrettable act of my life. I still remember her looking back at me. It's a confession I feel shame and sadness over.
But then, she'd be long gone now.
The thing is, you take these incredible risks with animals and people. You love them so fucking hard and whether you truly embrace this idea or not, it is because they are not forever.
When I found out that my father was not immortal, it was the singular most awful thing I've ever learnt in my life. Schrodinger's box sucked. I remember, when he died, reprimanding myself for loving him so much. If I hadn't, it wouldn't have hurt so badly.
But then the love-in-the-box is more bountiful and more beautiful and more rewarding than the death-in-the-box, no? It fills the room. Fills the universe. Powers our hearts. Teaches us. Makes us blessed.
So we keep opening the box, despite what we know might - is - in it. We almost break at loss, but then we just turn to love again. Fools indeed.
With Love,
Are you on HIVE yet? Earn for writing! Referral link for FREE account here
Perhaps it was my Father's death coming at a fairly young age when in his early 40's and my subsequent approach to life which mistakenly assumed that my DNA would lead me to the same fate. Now, coming up this month, on the cusp of my 72nd year that has proven to have been a very wrong assumption. It has, however, led to a life of living for the moment and with a flair of matching the motto stolen from Steven Stills that "any lovin is good lovin so I took what I could get".
My last love loss was that of my dear old Mother. She passed at 96 so my feeling was that she had had a wonderful run and managed to remain in my life until we were both seniors. Although an agnostic, it feels like she is still with me in some ways. Her urn of ashes still is at least. 😊
My feeling seems to be that my appreciation of the love once had outweighs the loss at its departure. Perhaps that shows some lacking in my love mechanics. My hope is that it expresses more my acceptance of the impermanence of life and all things in it.
It was wonderful seeing your Dad from his younger years. ✌️😎
My brother in law was the same - his Ad died in a car accident young and so he thought he'd de young too. Lived recklessly. Then he lived longer than his Dad and changed his mind about life!
You were lucky to have your Mom so long. I hope mine lasts for that long, so long as she isn't as sad as she is now.
Yes, nothing remains the same. Still it can be hard to grapple with at times.
I hadn't seen these photos of Dad since they were printed in the early 90s. They say a lot about his character. Fuck I miss him so terribly.
💔
Ah, the good old pain of loss. I'm not a fan of it. It helps me to assume that I'll lose everything and everyone eventually, but it still hurts when it happens. That's a great description you wrote up there.
About the communities - I think I see that differently. Especially when it comes to quality content. If one wants a community that only offers the best content (by one's standards), it makes sense to select. Like sport teams. Now, that obviously doesn't apply to you in this case as you are a great writer and probably more than worthy of writing there. But not everyone is that good.
Though I generally support the openness you describe, a certain restriction of content does help, especially on social media. It can help me personally getting the most out of my time here on Hive, when I know a group as certain standards. Or that a certain curator is more or less in line with my preferences of content.
It's fickle, too. Too many rules damage the diversity and challenge by the other, you're absolutely right about that. If every community starts doing that, it would be a problem. But then again, others can create open communities. That, too, is diversity.
Anyway, I'm sorry that you had to go through that drama. It's never fun. As I might have mentioned once or twice, I personally enjoy your content very, very much, no matter in which community you post :-)
Aw, thankyou..
I think it's just not iny nature to exclude people for any reason. Sure, mute or block people if they're being asshats - I've had to do that as a community leader time to time.
I'm pretty sure it stems from being bullied at high school. All those rules about being cool I me er understood. So I never appreciate secret clubs and exclusively. But then I'm never impressed by fame, class, riches either - I really despise any arbitrary factors that separate us.
It wS really no big deal, I mean I wasn't morally wounded or anything to be muted, but felt it was worth talking about.
It is worth talking about. Especially since it comes from a deeper part of the self. The world is so full of superficial noise, it sometimes feels overwhelming to me, making my own issues and things I'd like to talk about feel obsolete. But that's just noise.
Im so glad this place connected us. Im so glad it has connected so many others. As I've said before, it connected me with a person who is my besty for life (sorry, that's not you), and while that person may have entirely lost their keys, I have keys to their house now.
(And its not my own house!)
That friend is also an emergency contact for my new job I start tomorrow. Without which the existence of this chain, I would have never known, never met, never committed to an enduring, unending platonic loyalty.
Anyway, yadayaya- without the pain, love wouldn't mean anything. Without love, loss wouldn't be anything.
Omg, good luck tomorrow. Not that you need it, you are a totally axing asset for them. I hope the people you work for are super cool and interesting, or if not, at least tolerable. X
That would require me to be tolerable. I'm already in bed, about to pick up my book. Likely my last comment on hive for 24 hours! How will I manage?
Go live life x
Hmm, I must say with my experience that humans are the most difficult being we can ever see on earth. Maybe for the fact that they know the right and wrong and can make choices that align with our desire.
Like you said, each community does have their own rule, and for that reason, it is expedient to follow the rules, but that doesn't mean we should have the liberty to post in any community. I think it is just best to ignore such a community. There are a lot of communities that we can get to do our things.
dude I had totally missed the whole bro-drama thing in my absence. What a pity cause the community was good :((( (And have chatted with the man for years and that always felt genuine, so it feels weird)
I know, I always had nice interactions with him. That's some mental breakdown - a shame it also affected some people financially too..it was super bizarre.
Congratulations @riverflows! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP