Have you ever been in love?
What does it feel like?
It seems like a pretty basic question that we should all be able to answer, but take a moment and really consider it a moment. Is it an actual feeling like pain or anger, or is it a behaviour or a bodily reaction? If looking at the dictionary, it would say something like a "deep feeling of affection", but is that all it is?
These days, it is one of the most overused words in English, because it has been reduced to being used to describe any kind of liking, whether it be a new haircut on a friend, or a half-decent burger. It might even be barely used for the intended purpose of loving a person these days, since at least for the younger generations, commitment is out of fashion, and it is probably seen as strange to tell a one-night-stand Tinder date that you love them.
Go on, try it.
But I wonder, do people know that different hormones are produced depending on whether it is early stage love and enduring love? It is pretty interesting I think.
Physiological indications of love include increased dopamine, norepinephrine, and stress hormones like cortisol, leading to a racing heart, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, increased energy, and sleep and appetite changes due to the activation of the brain's reward system. Additionally, serotonin levels may decrease, contributing to obsessive thoughts and feelings. For long-term bonding, oxytocin and vasopressin are linked to a sense of security and commitment.
Do you notice anything?
I do.
The first set of hormones experienced in the early stages of love are reward and attention hormones, with dopamine the reward, norepinephrine attention and cortisol is for stress. While we might feel it in the early stages of love, we also feel it through other experiences, and it is these that the majority of the internet content is designed to trigger.
Interesting?
And, what is also something to consider is that serotonin levels might also decrease during that early phase of "falling" in love. And if you didn't know, serotonin is for our mood and other functions, and a drop is linked to depression.
And the last two... for the long-term lovers.
Oxytocin is key for men and women for sexual function and "also influences social behaviour, fostering bonding, trust, and empathy, and affecting processes like relationship formation, social recognition, and parental care." And vasopressin? Well, that is linked to defensive behaviours and "mate guarding" - and it affects men and women.
I don't know about you, but I think there might be a correlation between the way we "love" the content we consume and the lack of commitment. We don't actually love it enough to be in a monogamous relationship with it, which means we are always in the early-stage phase of the attraction, constantly edging the dopamine rewards and those that keep us paying attention and stresses, whilst also creating a state made for depression, without ever going into the long-term phase, that keeps us committed and functioning well. When people talk of a "lack of empathy" in the world today, they should consider it is hard to be truly empathetic if there is no bond, no commitment, and no affection for others.
We have evolved to be in this world together, yet we have designed our environment to increasingly spend our time alone, even when in the presence of others. It is "only natural" that the chemicals in our body that are triggered by particular evolutionary interactions are going to be disrupted when we do not experience those interactions, and it is also only natural that when we are missing certain hormones, we are going to behave differently.
Perhaps if we continue on down this path, we will eventually evolve to thrive alone and not need each other at all, but until then, we are likely going to just suffer due to the deficiencies we have created in ourselves.
Ready to go it alone?
Taraz
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I don't know, I do love a good burger. Maybe you just haven't met the right one yet... I really like the way the Greeks (I think looked at it) where there were something like eight categories. That seems to make more sense to me.
I am quite endeared to a medium-rare steak.
What category does doom scrolling falls into?
I dunno, probably mania!
Or...
Philautia (self-love)
Very interesting, so the exciting phase of "love" is basically designed by nature for maximization of the likelihood of creating babies. Then longer term hormones are designed to establish a stable and secure environment for those babies to be nurtured safely until they are ready to leave the nest so to speak, which in human terms is about fourteen to twenty years. I wonder what happens after twenty years to those hormones? Biologically there is probably no reason for them to exist beyond that unless you keep having more babies...
Perhaps they get extended to protect the family, so that the family can continue.
The bigger question is, what happens if the majority of society stop producing the long term ones?
I'm ready to go it alone, but I don't enjoy living alone. Well-equipped people are capable enough to live alone, but it's not wise to live alone when it could make life more enjoyable. Choosing solitude could be a sign of mental health issues.
Is there anyone who has never truly fallen in love? A friend of mine says they've never fallen in love. They say love and hormones/reproduction are linked. I disagree. I was attracted to someone I never found attractive. Their behavior, their character.
And I think more and more are mentally ill. :)
There is more to it than looks, right?
ahhhhhhh yes.. I was married for 22 yrs.. 2 kids.. many ups and downs.. I truly was in love..
But, that chapter in my life is over now.. time to find me a new oxytocin/serotonin machine!! :P The kids can stay tho.. :P
OnlyFans?
😂😉.. its a lot cheaper than having a real gf/wife!
I have heard of people going bankrupt on cam models :D
yeah.. I got sucked into following a few girls on youtube. nothing too much.. but those sill $1-2 stickers are just too easy and fun to send. plus they run up to $300!
I've been in love several times. But I only truly loved once. And she loved me. I don't know how our body chemistry worked, but we were crazy about each other. And that feeling is unforgettable. People told us that such love is rare. They still say it.
Is love a feeling, or an action though? And then, what happens to that feeling?
В 20+ лет, основываясь на накопленных научных знаниях я был уверен что любовь это обычная химия. Но сейчас я думаю что любовь - это судьба.
I had to translate that :)
:))
Truly when they isn't much interaction amongst individuals the path way for love won't be crated, neither will the brain release hormones signalling mingling process. I wisdom love is what it use to really be, there have been a misuse and what love really represent. Especially to these younger generation. It is either a transactional act or deal. I don't blame others who value loyalty to love because it as been tarnished.
Thank you for this insightful topic @tarazkp
Maybe everything is transactional, but not every transaction is about maximising oneself.
Indeed transactional act doesn't really brings out the deep things about expression, immediately the transactions are done everything becomes neutral.
I think the world we live in now, post-pandemic, promotes being alone instead of being together. This kind of environment throws off the important hormonal levels that are connected to love and empathy.
It was happening before the pandemic for sure though. It is a lifestyle change, where people are so scared of social interaction, they avoid it.
In my experience, none of us can live alone on this planet and social connections are absolutely essential for a future. The feeling of love is not the relationship we had two decades ago. People live in a place where marriage, which takes precedence over sex, is no longer necessary. This is really sad because children are not concerned with the problems of adults. I will soon present a content related to this through this community, adding my experiences.
This is a good point, as in the past kids used to live life with parents, and parents with kids, but all are now disconnected so understanding gets lost.
I just think we're really addicted to the thrill but miss out on the deeper connections that actually make us feel whole in life
And when it happens at scale as it is nowadays, we might be destroying the opportunity to be happy as individuals and healthy as a society.
Yes that's the effect I dread
I saw yesterday Funny Games. At the beginning of the movie, a couple and his son start to suffer in the hands of 2 young assassins. I think if the husband would listen to his wife, this situation would be different.
Hormones in that case failed. But oka. I have 3 years with my wife, and nothing satisfies me the most than be with her after be alone for a few hours.
It has been too long since I have seen the movie, so I only remember the basics.
Perhaps this is the way it should be for everyone.
At lease for those who feel true love.
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STOPThe idea of truly falling in love seems abit far fetched to me, though I won't deny the fact that I once had a strong feeling of such towards somebody but it seems like the feeling wasn't mutual.
I tend to see the meaning of love as "undefined" because I wonder whether it is an actual feeling or just a bodily reaction or probably my heart and mind playing games on me.
Regardless, I find the feeling sometimes comforting and Interesting because it stirs up some unintended emotions within me and I would rather not be alone.
That's how I feel though 🤷
I definitely had some vasopressin rush yesterday. Lily's mom is looking for excuses again to rip Lily out of her stability here. It's this time of the year that she gets like that, and it's really hard to manage, and stirs up memories, dropping that serotonin - which Lily usually replenishes quickly with her being amazing. Still, I'm not looking forward to endless and mindless discussions about problems the mom makes up to justify her actions against the well-being of our daughter. Hopefully she'll agree to joint psychology sessions before she acts.
Anyway.
Do you think that how one is raised influences the way that hormones are produced? Or do you think there's a pre-set that we're born with, that we can't influence at all? You're either able to love, or you aren't.