While I was at the gym today I was thinking of stories I would hear when I first came to Finland, about Russian tourists at the ski resorts who would come in with the newest, most expensive equipment, but could barely ski. They looked the part, but couldn't play the part.
It reminds me of how many people will look to buy clothes that are "slimming" yet how few will put in the necessary work to be slimmer. When it comes to doing the work they will justify not doing it by saying they are happy the way they are, but then go out and buy clothes with the aim to change the way their body appears. While their actions don't align with what they say they believe, they do align with human nature.
We want what we don't have.
So many people say, "I don't care what others think of me" yet I am yet to meet anyone who behaves in a way that backs it up. Even the few very twisted, highly-confident, narcissistic personality having individuals are actually very insecure, and care the most about what others think. Yet, we also know that it is a losing game, because it is just impossible to please everybody, or anybody for that matter. At least not consistently forever. And we definitely can't be happy with ourselves consistently, without warping our ego into something that controls us completely.
There are many delusional people.
Confidence is attractive. Overconfidence is not.
But attraction is personal, so at least to me that is the case. It is also the case that I am more attracted to people who look like they try to take care of themselves, than those who buy clothes and makeup and whatever else to play the part of someone trying to look after themselves.
Looks don't matter, right?
Of course they do. But looks alone are pretty meaningless, like the cover of a book. A well-cut dress or the direction of stripes can make a difference to the way a body looks, but it is much harder to fake muscle definition, posture, or that twinkle in the eye whilst smiling. All these people saying, "I'm happy with myself" yet they do not smile, and they have an expression of jealousy when they look at someone who has the type of body they would prefer for themselves.
It is some kind of mental illness perhaps.
We should be happy with ourselves, but I do not believe we should ever settle for not being able to improve ourselves in some way. And not just physically, but in all the aspects that are important to us. I believe that all humans should have a continuous improvement mentality, that will find what is important to the individual, and work at improving it. However, what is important often requires supporting actions also, so it becomes like cross-training for a particular sport, to improve the condition of the body to better be able to focus on the skills of the sport.
We can't improve across every aspect, but this doesn't mean we should ignore key aspects of our wellbeing, just because we want to spend more time on what we like to do. Because eventually, the imbalance leads to what is liked being negatively affected too. It is a bit like liking to drive a car, but hating to fill it with fuel. You can drive, but soon enough the fuel runs out and the driving has to stop also.
Even if you hate it. Fill the tank.
We have so many ways to avoid doing the unwanted tasks, but it is usually the doing of the unwanted tasks that give us the ability to do more of the wanted parts. Eating healthy sucks in many ways, but feeling unhealthy sucks even more. Exercising is terrible for many people, but being severely limited by physical ability is even worse.
We want what we don't have, but don't do what we need to do to have it.
Most of us are playing the part of the incapable.
Taraz
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We were just having a similar conversation with my wife's parents the other day. The topic came up about people being poor and just not caring or something like that. It was pointed out that my father in law never had a lot of money growing up, but he was clean. How you present yourself is definitely a big deal and doesn't really matter what your background is.
My parents, born in the 1920s and 1940s, understood that in order to have a prosperous family and a promising future, they had to work hard and lay the groundwork for a comfortable future. They did so, not with great luxuries, but with their own home, food on the table, and an education for us, their children. My father's motto, which I have inherited and passed on to my son Matthew, is: ‘Never spend money you haven't earned yet.’
That's definitely a great motto!
Unfortunately at the moment, people seem to spend everything, not just money. They spend their free time, before they have earned any skill.
Oh, and it annoys me at the gym when people have obviously not washed their clothes.
Clean should be the bare minimum, right? I get that people struggle in many ways financially, but in Finland, everyone has access to a shower.
Yes, for sure. It's a choice not at that point, not a result of your circumstances.
I actually enjoy exercising, and I take care of my body. I take care of how I look and I think every self respecting man and woman should also take care of their body. There is a huge push in USA to make big beautiful and they even have this "real women" thing, but women size 0 like my wife are just as real... And I never bought into the whole BBW idea :) Sorry just because they say it is beautiful, I don't have to like it :)
I'm with you. I don't like unhealthy body role models, and being obese, out of breath, and unable to walk a flight of stairs, is not a healthy model for anyone.
And my wife.
I can relate to this, butt my story has a different dimension, it is more related to knowledge. I used to say, “I’m just not a book person”, while secretly feeling a bit jealous of people who could explain or discuss ideas so effortlessly especially politics. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, I just felt behind and didn’t know where to start.
Eventually, I startef with the newspaper in my local language (Urdu) and then moved on to English. The more I read, the more I realized it’s not about knowing everything, it’s about staying curious and open to learning. Now when I meet someone super knowledgeable, I don’t feel insecure, I just want to learn from them and in return, I'm also teaching them something new. Today, I may not be my best version, but I am way ahead than past me and way more confident.
For the physical part, I have been playing football since childhood, all thanks to my beloved parents. It has helped me keep myself in shape. Later on in my life, I found a gym-buddy and since then, I have been going to gym if not football because of my university life. But, I'm way too health conscious, and I do care about myself plus how or what people think of me. So, I try my best to be in shape and I actually am. Still, I have a lot of goals to achieve with my physicsl fitness.
Yes! And it is same with the body - it isn't about perfection, it is about being curious enough to look after it, test it, build it. It is part of the adventure of life.
You know that most of the CEOs are fitness people too? It used to be that wealth meant one could be fat and out of shape, but those who are working 70 hours a week can't be. So, they also put the effort into their body, as well as other aspects that help them perform at a higher level, like good friends.
That's what I've asked many friends who spend their lives dreaming or waiting for ‘a miracle to fall from the sky’ without even lifting a finger.
What we need is to work so that the goals we put down on paper have the desired outcome.
But my friend @tarazkp, it's the experience we accumulate with age that makes us see things from a different perspective.
I don't know if it is just an age thing. I reckon there is an experience component. I grew up differently than most of my peers though, so it likely affects my outlook on life.
We live in a media-driven society where what others think matters a lot, so much so that many have created fictitious lives, going into debt without limit just to show their happiness and comfortable lifestyle on social media. In part, it's true that not everyone shows that they are genuinely happy or that they truly care about others; it could be because their mind never needed it or they pretend it for others.
However, it's also good to listen to what the rest of us have to say; it can serve as a way to self-critique and improve ourselves as individuals. I remember a friend with a terrible wardrobe; we all helped him change his outfit, and he never went back to his old clothes—he felt much better with the change ^^
External perception exerts undeniable pressure, leading many to construct facades of success and happiness. This quest for validation can distort authenticity and generate unsustainable cycles of consumption. The key lies in discerning between the superficiality of approval and the value of sincere feedback.
Something that undoubtedly happens, but it's unfortunate to see that this isn't taught at home. There's so much superficiality out there that it seems normal.
Of course, social interaction also offers an invaluable opportunity for introspection, as constructive criticism, offered with good intentions, can be the mirror we need to recognise areas for improvement and genuinely evolve.
Listening is never the issue, is it? It is only when people act that something becomes real. I can think terrible thoughts about murder, but it doesn't make me a murderer - it could make me an author though.
I think when people understand how to dress well for themselves, it makes a difference in their life. You don't need brands to have style.
Sounds craxy...but usually It takes a while for us to realise that working towards our goals little by little actually gets us there faster than daydreaming
A bit at a time, you can change the world.
Many peopke go after a certain image without understanding that true satisfaction comes from putting in effort and being genuine. It is like wearing a stunning dress while neglecting to take care of the body beneath it.
Like anything, that process of creation makes us value what we have. The people who don't create their body, don't value their body. Same for mind and emotional state too.
I can totally relate to what you're saying. For a long time I used to make excuses about just exercising. It has been a serious problem for me, my fitness, and I was trying to motivate myself that I was comfortable with myself but deep down I wasn't. Once I started taking the action, those small steps, I began to notice how that change can impact me and how it affects my health and how it was able to improve it.
So it is not just about the physical, this also can be mental too. You even say people want what they don't have but don't want to work for it. This is the perfect description of humans. Even when you get to do something, if what you want to do is necessary, just do it. You just have to do it, that is life.
Mind, body and emotions are all part of the whole. When one is out of balance, the rest are out of balance also. There is an easy way to test it - just have a few alcoholic drinks - they go into the body, but affect mind and emotion too :)
You have explained human behavior perfectly. It is very fascinating how we act against our own interests. We want to appear confident all the time, we want to be happy but many of us do not align with our habits with those desires. I think this comes from a mix of laziness and fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of leaving your comfort zone. As you said that confidence and happiness come from efforts. The effort we make when we try to improve ourselves not from pretending. Everyone these days wants shortcuts to the reward without walking the path that actually leads to their destination in life.
We want to appear confident, but to do so we just try to cover up all our flaws with big clothes, makeup, and an inflated ego.
After I finished reading this post it made me to think. It is very true that we often want results without putting in the work. There are many people today they are trying to look like they care about it or other stuff but few are just willing to go through those discomforts.
You also made a point about "filling the tank" and even when we hate doing it, and that is true improvement, it iw never easy but it is necessary for our growth
I think the moment we accept that discomfort is part of the process of development and growth then we can start moving closer to what we actually want in life.
And the more we avoid discomfort when young, the more uncomfortable life becomes as we age. We should be teaching kids how to keep themselves healthy, before hey are unhealthy.
I must say this is an interesting perspective, but I also think sometimes people say they are happy just to feel good about yourself. But they are trying to run away from the truth. It's possible to accept where you are, while in all, balance is the key, like you said avoiding the hard parts can catch up with us in the future. We can just rely on appearance or just our words, but if we are to concentrate on real growth, this requires so much effort.
Most happy people are liars. :)
Well the law of the universe is that you've got to pay a price for anything you want. Some people who cannot pay the price go at far as faking that thing. They might be pleased with the result in the short-term but in the long-term they are full of regrets.
It's the mindset of wanting what we cannot pay the price for that drives people into all sorts of devious and criminal behaviors. People wanting to cut corners at all costs. And that no only affects that person but society around them as their devious acts also affect society in all sorts of negative ways.
The golden rule is: If you are not ready to be the part, don't bother about looking the part. It's like a person wearing camouflage to appear a soldier, but doesn't have the training. Such a person is building on shaky sand as they would be exposed sooner or later.
The human being is formed with routine, discipline and priorities, I go to the gym 5 days a week and do longevity training, I wear comfortable clothes to exercise and as everywhere there are always people comparing themselves with others. Personally, functional exercise is medicine.