While writing is pretty much a therapy for me, afterward, it doesn't always make me feel energised. Often enough, I feel quite worn out, like having a really good workout, and leaving little in the tank. I think that especially after the stroke, that is a good metaphor, because using my brain takes a lot of energy these days, and it takes some recovery time. For a long time, even when I was posting very late, I would stay awake to answer the first comments that came in, but these days, occasionally at least, I just have to let them go, as even though I want to comment, I don't have the power.
It is a strange feeling.
Life is speeding up, I am slowing down.
It is not how I had planned my life, because I had the feeling that I was going to be able to keep improving and be a far more energetic older person than I am now likely to be. Though, I am not giving up on it, it does kind of suck that I have pretty much looked after myself, but have had things happen that are outside of my control, which have enacted a heavy toll on my body, mind, and sense of being.
I think this is why I focus so much of my thought energy toward wellbeing.
Because mine is not great. And while I am probably in better condition than some others, I see life experience as very individual, meaning that it is incomparable. However, we do tend to compare ourselves to aspects of others who reflect our own interest areas. If interested in one's own physical appearance, it is likely to focus on the looks of others. If interested in money, it is likely to compare with indicators of wealth, like houses, cars and whatnot.
I value my brain.
Not that I am smart, because I am not. But I like having the ability to think a lot of thoughts quickly and process them through my various filters to reach some hypothesis or possible solution. It has slowed down a lot, and the gears of the machinery are grinding now, so it takes a lot of energy to get half way to where I could earlier, in half the time. Still, I value thought, which means I also value the thoughts of others. Which is why I try to encourage thoughtful comments.
It isn't always easy to have an in-depth discussion through comments though, as it takes additional time and energy to get the words out, and there is a higher chance of cutting down the labour by not answering as completely as one would if talking directly to the person. Then of course, there is the sense of putting thoughts publicly in writing, which attracts judgement, and that scares some people too. I don't worry about the last one at all, I just say what I want to say. Sometimes I have to correct it after, because I didn't say it well, but that is part of having a good conversation.
Building clarity.
As I was saying to a client yesterday in regards to what he considers his "bad English", it isn't about knowing all the words or grammar, or about getting all the pronunciation correct. It is about effectively being able to communicate thoughts, and as long as it does that job first, 90% of the job is done. Once comfortable communicating thoughts clearly, then it is about removing the barriers to understanding by improving tone, vocabulary and pronunciation.
No one is ever a perfect communicator, because no one is ever a perfect receiver either. There is a lot of assumption and opinion involved, translating into personal meaning, reading between lines (or not reading enough between lines) and various misunderstandings and errors made on both sides. Imperfect as they are however, having the conversations that matter is far more valuable than avoiding them because they are difficult to have.
If it is important to you - discuss.
And if it is important to others.
Listen.
Both are skills that I feel are fading, especially when talking about anything where people don't fully agree. The ability to have discussions on things with differing opinions seems to be on its last legs, and has instead been replaced by people polarising conversations, ignoring nuance, and only caring about their side of the argument - their agenda. Everything else, has no value.
After a long, largely disappointing day due to some work issues, my brain is fading and I think I am going to try to get an earlier night of sleep than normal. So, I am going to leave it here, and get to any comments I have missed today, some time tomorrow.
The conversation continues.
Taraz
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Communication is something I need to work on, it is much easier to communicate to computers compared to humans :) As I go higher in my career I find communication to be more and more useful and technical skills less and less important...
Where do you think you are lacking the most, or could get the most gain from improving? It is definitely something that despite age can be improved :)
I think I lack the most in the area of influencing people, but I am working on that with my wife as my coach :)
That is great! Are you a good student, or do you get sent out of class often? :D
I actually feel similar to you, but probably in a bit different way. There are times when I feel like the comments on a post go on much longer than they need to. I feel like sometimes after a post and a couple of comments things are pretty wrapped up for me, but then the other person keeps commenting. I don't fault them, but I just don't have the energy to keep going.
I get that sometimes also. I don't mind if the discussion is valuable, but then sometimes, It is just reiterating what has already been said in the comment prior. Same with commenting on the post itself. Add value, don't only reframe. I get doing it for understanding though.
Yes, I've experienced that too and I totally agree with you
Life does not always follow the plan we had for ourselves. Sometimes it slows us down, not to punish us, but to shift how we experience things. It is okay to move at a different rhythm now; what matters is that you are still showing up, still writing, still connecting. Maybe that is what resilience really looks like not pushing endlessly, but learning to move with what remains, finding meaning in the slower moments.
I see it a bit the same. Human resilience is the ability to flex with the changes, rather than keep fighting to stay the same. We can never stay the same.
Hope you get enough rest every night though? I understand the feeling - Good Sleep is usually my solution
Most nights I don't sleep enough at the moment. But that is a medication thing the last month or so. Getting better now I hope.
There's an important point I made when I said: no one masters communication because no one masters receiving. That sums it up. The foundation of clarity and constructive discussion is mutual understanding, and then everything will be fine.
I think we as a society used to be better at having discussions that mattered, without becoming upset and violent. Now, not so much.
I'm sorry for the intellectual and mental issues you're experiencing. You are doing your best to cope with the health disadvantages life has put in your path. Sometimes that's all we can do--our best. And if it doesn't work out there'll be nothing else left to do. In that case we shouldn't dwell in regrets and worries. There isn't much in life we have control over, even in our personal, individual lives.
I wonder if engaging in intellectual and mental activities that delight your mind can help your situation. Like playing interesting intellectual games, or listening to podcasts or to calming, relaxing music, etc. It might help to lighten the load on your mind. I hope you continue to cope with your situation, or maybe one day become free of it.
I listen to books, but it doesn't calm me much, as the books I listen to are to provoke thought!
Music just puts ne to sleep, unless I an doing something active.
It isn't all bad, as at least I still have done ability for thought. I'd rather deal with the energy drain, than to be thoughtless.
We mainly try to express our thoughts or feelings through writing, sometimes especially in the virtual world. But for that writing, we definitely have to use part of our brain. That's why our energy is spent. It's great that you are waiting up at night to reply to the first comment and it shows how much you value others.
I end up spending far too much energy thinking. I should just sit down abd watch TV mindlessly instead :)
I can imagine the challenge of managing mental energy while trying to communicate. Life's surprises can be discouraging, but they also offer a chance for growth and understanding at a different speed.
We all experience being tired but still having to perform at sone point. I think for me now, it is a constant, which drains the energy. Still, what option is there?
This post really touched me. It's true that sometimes writing feels like a huge workout for the mind. I've been in that position. I can relate to how mentally draining it can be sometimes.
Sometimes it feels like you're not creative enough to bring out those words from your brain. Yes, it's fulfilling in this way. I appreciate how you value honest conversation and those thoughtful comments. That is so special of you.
Thank you for sharing your reflection with such honesty.
How do you normally recover mentally? Perhaps you have a trick that will help.
Same here...I always thought that writing everything I want would always leave me relaxed, but there are times when writing becomes a chore for me. Yes, I do have the ideas, but putting them in words and arranging them sometimes felt dragging. It's like my brain wants to just dump a lot of ideas, but it ended up having difficulty translating them into intelligible group of words.
Unlike my notebook diaries and journals before, where I can just rave nonstop without a care, sharing my thoughts here felt more like a challenge because it isn't like a one-way sharing, but rather it's more like an attempt of me interacting with other people. Like you said, there's no perfect communicator, and even though I check my post a lot of times before I share it here, it doesn't always guarantee that everybody will get my point. After all, we all have different views and not all are able or willing to understand my opinion.
It isn't a chore for me, it is more that it takes effort to think and often, there is some kind of emotional investment also, as I write straight from my life a lot.
And I think that this can be a good thing, because it can create the discussion- I don't like reading things that are "too complete" without room for the audience to make it their own. Too many think it has to be a thesis.
That too, it's also interesting to know other people's views because it does sometimes become an eye-opener for me :)
Yes, I love how you express the connection between energy, thoughts and communication. This is a good reminder that when you choose to slow down, it doesn't mean that you're stopping. It means you're being intentional, you're trying to do what is right for you at that moment. Your perspective on those meaningful discussions is very refreshing. That way of desire for rest after writing is very necessary for you to regain back your creativity.
Intentionality is important for our wellbeing I believe. I think if we aren't acting with intention, we are missing experience.
This was deeply reflective. The part you talked about, valuing thoughts really stood out for me. Even as our own pace slows, our insights and how we see things can continue to grow stronger.
I would also agree that meaningful conversation these days is so rare. We hardly engage in that. Both posts like this can help keep it alive, where the conversation can keep going. And while we keep sharing our journey, that inspires others and ourselves also to be better in life.
I think it is up to us as individuals to drive the conversation, rather than waiting for people to do it for us so we can engage.
Many of us are workaholics and push ourselves to the limit. My wife is like that; she can't stop until her work is done. I often tell her to stop and just look at the world, forget about work, and relax. But you can't change a person.
What if she was the opposite and never got anything finished, would you tell her to work harder? :D
Then I would have to do her job :)
I am guilty of not wanting to discuss things. I tend to avoid conversations altogether due to my distrust and dislike of people. Now my @pooky-jax and I have some geeat debates. And my Sammi Jo wins every time I argue a point with her. Probably because she is only humanly conversable in my imagination. So it is a win win then right? 😳
What do you get for losing? Sometimes it is worth it!
yes.. time marches on.. with no regards to our desires or wants..
I find myself biting my toungue often.. knowing i should just shut up an listen, but its sooo hard sometimes! :P
Yeah it is hard. But once those words come out, there is no putting them back.
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