As a parent, I see it as my job to introduce, practice and encourage the development of skills that will help my daughter throughout her life. This isn't always easy, because it is hard to know what the future holds, so which skills will be valuable is a little up in the air. However, I suspect that interpersonal skills will be valuable, where it will be important to be able to interact well with people, plus be able to "read" their words and behaviours. I feel that the more people are on screens, the more gullible they are becoming, in part because they aren't developing the skills to recognise when someone is bending the truth for their own gain.
One skill is obvious though.
Don't panic.
We have this thing in our family we have dubbed "chicken panicking" where essentially something happens and the reaction is to run around bewildered, like a chicken with its head cut off. We have deemed this a negative reaction, because when stressed or panicked, it is usual that either bad decisions are made, or sometimes worse, no decisions are made.
I suspect that we all panic under high enough immediate stress, like having someone jump out from behind a corner when unexpected. However, I think that the recovery time can be shortened, so that a clear decision can be made with thought, rather than from panic. Or in some cases, the pattern recognition of the situation kicks in and reacts thoughtlessly with a pre-planned action - like soldiers.
We don't have a military family, however I do think that learning how to behave under pressure is a highly useful skill to have in the toolbox. To do this though, it takes pressure to create the situation. At the moment, the pressures for Smallsteps have been organically created, where for instance a few months ago a smoke alarm went off unexpectedly and as it was a very loud sound (she has a sensitivity I believe) she wasn't expecting nor had heard before, she really did dance around in the spot like a headless chicken.
This is not an ideal response.
Nor was it a high risk situation, but for her young life lacking a lot of experience, it was enough of a wakeup call to remind her that chicken panicking solves nothing. Her parents have been in enough events to not panic at this kind of small thing and then just go through the steps to evaluate the situation and act, but we have also gone through far more threatening situations that have required calm, when every part of our body wanted to panic, breakdown, and cry.
We discuss these various lessons as a family afterward, because in the moment there is far too much going on to have the lesson right there and then. But in those moments, we can always say, "Don't chicken panic" and it is able to bring our attention quickly back to the needs of the moment, rather than the fears of the moment.
Solve the immediate problem first.
Process the relevant feelings later.
A lot of people are looking to "calm their mind" as a way to relieve their general levels of stress, but I think we also have to understand that a lot of life is unexpected and can come as acute stress as well. This means that we have to learn how to manage our emotional selves at a general level for daily life, and have strategies that we can apply very quickly for the unexpected events that happen all too often.
Our bodies grow under stress and require recovery, the faster we can recover, the more we are able to carry. Our mind is much the same, so the faster we are able to focus it, the faster we are able to apply it effectively again. Cutting that time down is pretty easy, but it takes practice and repetition, not only knowledge. Yet, in today's environment, we seem to avoid the practice and repetition we need to learn the personal skills, because learning is uncomfortable, and rarely fun.
No one likes to be in a panic though, so why do so few of us prepare so we aren't?
Maybe we are too chicken.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Be part of the Hive discussion.
- Comment on the topics of the article, and add your perspectives and experiences.
- Read and discuss with others who comment and build your personal network
- Engage well with me and others and put in effort
And you may be rewarded.
Like with other interpersonal skills (which were actually a challenge for me to teach because I apparently read people weirdly) you need to learn how to read text in a context. The problem there is a lot of parents don't know how to deal with that (reading more fiction would actually help) so are unable to monitor and help teach and let them figure it out themselves or they actively prevent them from gaining experience and exposure in that area which can lead to the same results but from observation the latter generally ends up much worse than the former.
And just in case I need to be explicit about it this is IN ADDITION TO not INSTEAD OF learning normal face to face interpersonal skills as you do actually need that in addition to some critical thinking and analytical skills to be able to sort the crap from the actual.
LoL I'm stealing that, it's much snappier than "like a chicken with its head cut off" XD
random aside, J had to dispatch some roosters earlier in the year and middle's boyfriend was over at the time and came out to observe, and apparently one of the newly beheaded chickens charged at him
Aaargh those high pitched loud noises (which need to be like that for a reason) are excruciating. Poor small x_x was she okay after or did she need everything quieter for a while?
And sounds like a good time to make a fire plan and a what-to-do-if-the-smoke-detector-goes-off-unexpectedly-and-there's-no-actual-fire plan if you haven't already XD
Panicking during an emergency is kind of useless x_x
the panic attacks after the emergency has been fully dealt with and they're not any more fun but at least at a better time
Hmm, we all have the level of 'stress' we can manage. It's mostly depends on our experience too. If someone is happening at the first time, you can but react suddenly. This is in human nature, and there is nothing one can do about it. However, what we do after is what we determine how far we can manage stress of the 'panic button'.
I do agree that teaching your daughter interpersonal skills is good as it will help to relate with people accordingly. Another skill I believe you should add is the act of public speaking and knowing when to speak.
Only at any given point. But we can learn to manage more and more stress, in the same we can learn to manage lifting higher weights. There is a ceiling, but it is generally higher than most believe.
Napoleon Bonaparte once said that a genius is the person who does the average thing when everyone else is losing their minds. That's one quality most leaders have. The ability to keep emotions aside and make sound decisions. The people they lead may panic and fidget but not them, they've conditioned their minds to react differently to pressure. The best way to make your daughter acquire this skill is by allowing her in situations that come with pressure and allowing her to resolve them by herself. It's okay to teach her how to react but the best is to experience it herself. I watched a video where a father walked over a rope and allowed his toddler son struggle with the ropes amidst cries until he passed over. I think it might be helpful if you took a course in child Psychology, in my opinion every parent should.
Something like this, It doesn't have to be a perfect response, but it can be better than a panic :)
I think this has changed now to some degree for many in politics, as they are also getting caught up in the emotional tyrant mentality.
Socializing at business retreats is always an important skill. You could teach her to sing this song:
That is a new song for me! :D
This is where I used to excel. In the office, not so much :)
There are two ways to react to the unknown - be frightened and run (even if it's around like a chicken) or be curious and investigate. At her age, it might be better to be frightened and run (not like a chicken, though), but with time and your guidance, I'm pretty sure that the experiences she'll have and the concepts she'll learn will make her more curious than afraid. Which then could lead to a whole different set of problems... But I'm quite sure she's in good hands no matter what problem arises.
Frightened and run depends also - sometimes it is the best response for everyone. The "gift of fear" is real and can be used to keep us alive. However, it is also situational. Evaluating the situation helps. Some people seem to walk around as if all places have the same risk profile. Which is highlighted by how many people put themselves in bad situations.
Of course, and evaluating a situation is based on the experiences that one had. The more experiences, the easier it is to do the right reaction - which sometimes is running, and fast. But there is a difference the chicken run and the conscious running. One is the people running away in a straight direction in front of the car chasing them, the other is the one changing direction and using objects where the car can't follow.
Our kids are under our wing for a reason, which in this case is to guide them through experiences, just like you're doing. The sad thing is that most people don't see it that way anymore, and try to shield them from experiences, creating immature beings.
I think teaching children to pause and think before they react might change their lives. It is all about developing those skills for those unexpected situations.
Yep. Interrupt the automatic response with manual thought.
Panic comes uninvited...few days ago, a cat jumps on me late at night from the window while i was sleeping. It was a panic call and as noone could have expected this. For a while shivers run down the spine, Such things may give heart stroke...but before reacting, I first access the situation with a calm mind....what could have happened, and then relaize it was the cat.... I think being calm to access the situation while in Panic I'm important...a quick reaction may end up no where.
Was it your cat? I would be more worried if I didn't own a cat :D
It was not mine...few wild one roam around...and at 2AM in deep sleep... it was scary
The way I see it, panic comes when stress increases. It is common for people who are stressed to panic in any problematic situation. But through experience, successful solutions can be found for this situation. Socially, interpersonal relationships are important at such moments. Stress cannot be relieved alone. It is the responsibility of parents to make our children understand this and also to educate them on how to do it practically.
I think stress is personal and can be dealt with alone to a high degree. One of the issues with teaching kids that they have to share their feelings, is that they stop taking responsibility for their own feelings too.
It's true, but many times I run like the three stooges, when the panic approaches me and I feel like I'm going to go crazy, I'm going to die because I even feel short of breath, with quite unpleasant sensations, until I went to the doctor and I supplement with some vitamins and that if possible I will change some rigid habits for soft skills seek help, once a month I go to therapy, it's the first step to work on it and decrease it.
Sounds like you are finally building the strategies to cope with it - which is great!
Thank you very much. In fact I am seeing an endocrinologist and a clinical therapist, with more than 60 years of age, I am adding more well-being to be functional.
It's easy to say - don't panic. But how do you stop panicking? I think you need to learn to calculate your actions in advance and try to avoid stressful situations.
For example, I know almost everything about speculative trading. I know that the psychological state of a good trader determines 99% of his results. And still, sometimes I slip into a large number of transactions and big risks in order to win back a small loss. Naturally, this leads to even greater losses. And the next day, having slept well, with a cup of coffee, I have to correct the wrong decisions made under emotion.
Yes. So in our family the "Don't panic" is a trigger for pre-defined follow-up actions. It isn't a corrective phrase, it is the start of a series.
For the trading, you should have a safety trigger set up to stop the spiral :)
Some people panic more than necessary. This panic can rub off on others. Frankly, it's almost contagious. I think this is due to improper breathing. I've observed that people who breathe correctly are more at ease in the face of danger. It's beneficial to do breathing exercises frequently.
Panic (like any expressed feeling) is contagious. Even when it is fakes, people will replicate.
Stress is really part of what we humans experience in almost every activity we perform or do which requires rest at the end of it because we can't cheat nature as life have been programmed that way.
It is natural, which is why it is strange that people see stress as bad.
I'd probably be better off if I ran around like a chicken with it's head cut off when I was stressed, but instead I tend to eat, so that doesn't usually work out too well for me. The good thing is, I don't really get stressed that much, so it's probably not as bad as I make it sound.
so people around Trump must be running around like a chicken a lot! :P
As a teacher, I see it as my job to introduce, practice and encourage the development of skills that will help my students throughout their life. This isn't always easy, because it is hard to know what the future holds, so which skills will be valuable is a little up in the air. However, I suspect that problem solving will be important, so in my math classes, I stress the value of understanding the given information and taking the time to consider the best plan before starting with any computation to solve a problem. =)
Cheers!