Beauty may lay in the eye of the beholder, but the fact is that there is a lot of overlap in what we tend to find beautiful as a group. And, while there are plenty of conditioning factors through culture, perhaps there are a lot that are just innate too, where we are attracted by nature, not just nurture. From a physical level this is sad, because there are a lot of things that are outside of our control - same as from the mental and emotional too, right?
How much control over who we are, do we really have?
While there are so many things we can't affect, one thing we can affect is whether or not we make an attempt to improve, something that I do find one of the most attractive things. It isn't about the results, but the willingness to try, to strive for something better. Perfect doesn't exist in any form, which means that better always does and from my perspective, there is beauty in the attempt itself, the journey, not the destination.
The people I have talked to about this over the years all seem to have the same opinion, ambition is attractive. I don't mean "blind ambition", where there is no focus, or it doesn't matter what gets in the way - I mean the type where there is clarity and purpose, and a willingness to work hard toward that end, even if it is unlikely or perhaps, impossible.
But is failure unattractive?
At least in my opinion, perhaps the only unattractive failure is wanting something and then failing to try for it. I think that happens a lot these days, where people are looking for a result, but instead of going for it, they spend more time coming up with excuses as to why they can't even make the attempt. The list of reasons can be long, but it is rarely acknowledging the role that the individual plays in it - the one that admits that,
"I am just not willing to try"
All of us fail in this throughout our lives, don't we? Wanting things but not going after it, not being firm enough with ourselves, not able to find that right point of motivation that enables us to be uncomfortable. We work on incentive, but the incentive has to be powerful enough to push us through the hard yards, or there has to be pathway incentives that help us keep going, so we don't give up half way. Wanting isn't enough - it requires doing also.
Passion is attractive.
There is power in it, there is admiration in witnessing it. Seeing someone work hard toward what they want is a beautiful thing, even if they are a long way from their goal, even if they never make it to the end. I think it is because seeing other people doing the work reminds us that it might be possible for us too, if we do the work - it is a ticket in the lottery, a dog in the race,
Skin in the game.
Beauty
So much of what the word evokes brings to mind what we can see on the surface, when so much of what is beautiful is what we don't see, what is hidden beneath, and has to be observed over time. It is not in a snapshot, an image captured in the right light, or when looking the best - it is in the grind, the sweat, the tears - the strive.
Of course, this is an "eye of the beholder" position too, isn't it? Perhaps other people only ever look at the cover in order to judge the book, which wouldn't surprise me given the shift to short-form content, headlines to tell the story. We are attracted by an image, a byline and choose to swipe left or right, dismissing people as if there is nothing more to them, that the snapshot was all the time they were worth.
How do we get to where we want to be, if we never leave the station?
We might not have a lot of control over what makes us who we are, but we have some control over what we do, at least at the level of trying to do better, be better and create better, even if we don't improve at all.
I am trying.
Daily, I fail.
Each new morning, provides another ticket.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I fail at selling as much of my art as I would like. But people say it is beautiful. So I guess I am not completely failing...
Most artists fail at selling, don't they?
My dad was a pretty successful artist, not a very successful seller.
What are you failing at daily?
Is it beating me in Splinterlands... .because I don't think that's a failure on your part...
So many things, big and small.
One of the things is I am trying to be better for my family and improve the way I am as a father and partner, and habits are hard to break. I have so many reasons why I struggle with it, but there are no excuses.
I am trying to fail forward though, improving a little each time.
Struggling with SL too...
I definitely think that's the right approach... it wouldn't be fair on the rest of us if you were perfect, but if you can try to be a little better each day then that's all anyone can really ask for and you'll be impressed with the results after a while.
Relationships are so hard, and ever evolving, especially with a little one who is growing so fast.
Hopefully your daily Hive-ing helps develop your thoughts and communication.
It wouldn't be fair on my wife either - she would have a lot of catching up to do! ;D
"Not enough time" is an excuse I think - there is time, but I am not sure if we are spending it well enough. Sometimes it feels like being hungry, but eating fast food instead of a steak and vegetables. We know we could do better and doing it isn't hard, but still...
It definitely helps me.
The attraction to nature is chemical, in contrast to the stereotype attraction that is conditioned and to which most of us are inclined to be accepted in the routines imposed by society, according to each culture.
We are also affected by what many call "beautifiers", such as liquor. I am not a drinker, never have been, but I am told that even if we don't like what we see, the more drinks we have, the better the view.
I think there are likely building blocks for attraction and some parts are natural, even if the conditioning tries to break nature. Strength is always attractive, isn't it? Strength comes in many forms though.
I had been thinking about trying to get in shape for a while. It wasn't until my friend had a heart attack in his 40s that I realized I needed to get my butt in gear. It was close to the new year and I could have easily pushed it until after the holidays. I wanted to make it a habit though and not just some resolution that got left by the wayside like so many others.
How's it been going?
Well, it's 4:30 am right now and I am getting up to work out 😛
my interpretation of beauty changes as I change.
I wonder what parts of it are unchanging?
I have had numerous conversations with eldest about this as he is generally very ambitious and wants to be "successful" (he has a definition for that to aim for) and wary of getting too comfortable and becoming lazy and complacent. And being 18 he is very extreme in his desires and wants to go all out into discomfort and push himself past his limits, which while I don't see as a bad thing I have made many suggestions to avoid burnout and letting him know that it is perfectly okay to accept and celebrate smaller milestones as he will just be miserable his entire life if he doesn't as success/perfection/improvement is a moving goalpost that if he's anything like me, he will never reach.
I have known people previously who have left relationships because their ex partners were "too ambitious" and so hyperfocused on achieving whatever it was they wanted to achieve that they neglected the relationship. And in one case the person in question wanted to be the absolute most important thing in their partner's lives bar nothing and refused to "compete" with a dream.
I don't remember if the person in question meanwhile found it perfectly acceptable for them to have dreams and expected their partner to be fully supportive of this but it wouldn't have surprised me at the time
So guess it's a case of enough but not too much? XD
"Success" might not be the goal here perhaps, because there might never be a good enough point ,it just keeps going. But I do think that having something to work toward, a purpose of some kind brings life value beyond the result.
This is addiction, isn't it? It is a bit different than what I mean by ambition, because I don't see single-mindedness as an attractive trait. But, there is something about a person that goes a little extra, finds a few minutes more to work toward something they are after that is attractive.
Some call it love - I might call it a toxic relationship! :D
I didn’t have a word for it at the time but now that you mention it… 😱🤣
:)
It is human to fail. I always tell my daughter it's alright to fail, as long as she learns from that failure and (hopefully) doesn't repeat the same mistake again.
Of course, some failures are a lot more catastrophic than others, and those can also potentially be impossible to recover from. I'm talking about permanent disability/death level of consequences. For those, I'd say a good amount of risk assessment and protection is needed, and perhaps a measure of luck/godly protection too.
All said, RNG is RNG, sometimes some people who get to a certain level of success need that bit of good fortune too.
Part of childhood is failing and learning from it, so hopefully, those catastrophic failures don't happen later. Last week, my daughter attempted an "air cartwheel" in our entrance and came crashing down on her chin. Thankfully, kids are more rubbery than adults, so some pain and a big bruise as a memory is all the damage done - she learned a lesson though. Hopefully it isn't to stop trying but rather, pain is just a feeling ;)
I think overthinking is another path that leads to failure. Like you stuck on decision making forever and that overthinking is something you can't get results of. And some of those things eventually end up making your life miserable. I know that for sure because I have realized some of the worst outcomes of overthinking.
Overthinking is likely a fear mechanism, unable to make a decision because of the consequence.
I agree with you that most people judge a book by it's cover, or judge a person it's beauty but i think we should see it deeply, we can't say anything until we don't know it as whole
I feel that many people these days don't even know what to value in another person, so they make their decisions on surface level traits.
I love trying new things! So much so, that I don't stick around long enough to finish the things I started trying in the first place. For me, it isn't trying that is so difficult, but it is the perseverance after the initial try or sticking with something after the initial luster wears off that has proven to be challenging for me. I'm definitely lacking a consistency to my effort.
It is difficult, especially if the things don't have enough "pay off" in terms of activity.. Why keep going at something that doesn't excite us?
Some will do it for money though :)
For many, money is the payoff that keeps them coming back. But it has diminishing returns if the situation is hard to manage.
There are some common parameters of beauty, mainly connected to the Fibonacci ratio. BUT, depending on the culture, where we were born and our archetypes, we will different perceptions of the beauty and here comes "the eye of the beholder". But still, there is a balance between nature and personal inclinations
What about beyond looks though, are there any uniform traits that the vast majority find attractive or unattractive? For example, does anyone find whining attractive?
If you ask this to hypochondriac people, they will like find it attractive as well.
Anyway, I was talking about beauty in the sense of appearance, and there are also scientific studies about how some traits are much more attractive than others, across the world, depending on the region of the investigation
In terms of appearance, symmetry is important. Balance. Perhaps it is the same for emotional states too.
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As my personality, I have always tried to do better in my life. I think I was successful doing so until five years ago; however, I now think that many things do not happen as I want even if I still try to do better.
Don't I do enough to do better or have my expectations risen through years...
But, even "unsuccessful", does it feel better to try than not?
Yea, feel better to try, however the result could upset me. Perhaps, I have done what I should I have done, thus no need to bug out.