Family, Friends, Career, Health.
Without much time to think, these are the categories my client chose as the most important aspects of his life, and which should take his attention. He also mentioned Finance in there also, but decided to lump that together with career for the sake of this conversation.
Now, I think that these are a pretty good representation for most people in terms of areas that they consider important, or at least there is a lot of overlap. However, what my client found when I encouraged him to elaborate and expand on these, the answers weren't as forthcoming. Not because he was hiding them, but because he just didn't know.
And I believe this is representative also.
For example, many people will cite "family" as being one of, if not the most important thing in their lives, yet when pressed, struggle to identify exactly why this is the case. It is more like it is being regurgitated from society, as if there is an expectation that this is what is meant to be valued and said, without examination.
The unexamined life.
And, this is where our discussion led, where he realized that while he had a clear picture of the larger buckets, he hadn't spent time breaking them down into smaller pieces to understand why they are important to him. And, then because he doesn't have clarity in these areas, he also realized that he isn't able to make anything actionable. He can't plan ahead, he can't evaluate what is and isn't working, and he can't understand them in context with each other.
I also pointed out, was that because he isn't able to visualize these things well, he also doesn't know if he has conflicts in his actions, whether something he is doing in one category, is conflicting with something he is doing in another.
However, what I was surprised to discover, was that he keeps a daily journal, where he writes a handful of lines about his day, and anything that stood out. He has been doing this for over four years now, and will soon finish his 5 year journal book. This is fantastic, and as I told him, if I could click my fingers and get everyone to write daily, the world would soon become a better place.
He also "felt bad" about it, as what he realized when reading them back, is that most of the things in there are about himself, his wants, and how he sees the situation at the time. But, this is the point of journaling, it is an exploration of the self, and it gives that time and space, as well as the privacy many need, to dive deeper and discover what lays beneath.
It really is only once we know ourselves well enough and understand our motivations and desires, that we are equipped with some tools to expand our awareness out to others, otherwise we are more likely to do more harm, than good. Because, we would be walking on assumptions and defaults, using our "intuition" as to what feels tight, must be right. Which is often, not the case at all.
So, what I suggested for my client to try, is to go a little deeper, and reflect a little further, without having to dramatically change anything. Firstly, I asked him whether he had a framework for his journal entry, or is it whatever sort of came to mind. Then, I recommended that once a week, he reviews his entries for the last seven days, and then reflects on them. Except, instead of thinking about what he has done, reflect on the week gone sectioned out into his four areas of importance, and how his activities have been helpful or detrimental to them in some way.
What this does is gives him a tool to use as a compass to self-direct and change course earlier, than he would otherwise, as he builds more knowledge into himself, behaviors, and outcomes. It is a reflection tool, but it doubles as a prediction and potentially prescriptive tool also, where he will be able to see where he is heading, as well as work through ways to better approach it. And, because it is done weekly, he wouldn't have gone too far off course, or too far down the wrong path, to make a change.
What we should acknowledge, that untrained and blind default behaviors, are rarely going to beneficial to ourselves, or those around us. They might feel right, but that is more about familiarity, than suitability. If we don't take a step back at least from time to time, we can end up in some places that we don't want to be, and thought we'd never end up. No child dreams of being poor, untalented, or a drug addict when they grow up. Yet, very few children build the skills they need to reach their potential.
And no parent dreams this for their child.
A lot of people are unable to "find the time" to sit down with themselves and write consistently, yet the same person is able to find the time to read the news, scroll multiple social feeds, or play games for hours on end.
Whatever tickles your fancy....
Is it getting us closer to what we say is important to us?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
You do that and meanwhile someone else will click their fingers wishing people would stop nagging about daily writing because they personally hate it and don't see any value in it and you two will cancel each other out and everything will continue as normal XD
speaking from some experience as I remember in school there was a term or so where for English we were forced to keep daily journals and I didn't mind the writing exercise because I like writing anyway and I get similar values/effects as you do but it was a massive chore for some of my friends and they loathed every second of it and kept whining about how stupid and pointless it was and were very glad when the term was over and they never had to do it again. The minimum requirement was a paragraph.
Only vaguely related I remember some of my uni friends occasionally saying "whatever fickles your tancy" and the first time I heard it I just looked at them trying to work out if they had just slipped while saying it or said it deliberately and got a grin back and them saying "it sounds rude doesn't it" XD
I do weekly, monthly and yearly reviews and they're pretty helpful both on the why did my brain glitch out at this point and occasionally on the scheduling front.
It will be like that "unbreakable" movie :D
Kids usually hate anything that they are forced to do. How many things did you hate then, but you enjoy now? :)
Tonight, I was teaching Smallsteps to ask herself when she feels bad "Am I okay?" 99% of the time, things aren't so bad.
Only mushrooms. Everything else that I hated as a kid I stil don't enjoy now XD
I've really found the reflection community you created is good for getting some of those thoughts out. At least the ones I feel comfortable sharing. The other ones it's probably best to keep those in a private journal. I was actually just going through one of those occasional instances where I dread having to write something tomorrow on hive. Then I reminded myself I do it as much for myself as I do for my followers.
I am so glad!
I know it is hard at times and not everything goes in there of course, but it is also part of the process. In the background of writing, there is a lot more thought that happens in the head and never gets typed out.
I do enjoy these sort of self questioning and constant reflecting on the purpose of my life. I find that many people are too busy in their daily lives and just live each day at a time, without pondering about the deeper questions in life. Of course, there's nothing wrong about that too.. But for me, if I have to be busy, I need to know what I am busy for.
AS they say, the unexamined life, is not worth living. However, with so many distractions, so much content telling us what to think, perhaps we have lost the curiosity, lost the "explorer mindset" to find out who we are.
That's why I find it refreshing to read your posts and thoughts. Hehe! ;)
You know how they say, a very detailed question has the solution in itself.
What ya mean?
;D
We should definitely query ourselves more often.
I would also add finance/economy to them. I think health is the less important one unless we have some serious health problems because we damage our health while struggling with the other three ones :)
A lot of people don't seem to realize how much damage they do to their health, while worrying about the other three. Health isn't wealth, when the other three factors are in very poor condition.
Although these 4 are really big and important aspects of our lives, they are often stumbling blocks for each other...
When he enters family life, he parted ways with most of his childhood friends. He makes some new but they can't replace those real friends from childhood.
If he is chasing career and money, he hardly has time to start a family life. If he dares to do so, for years he is torn between family and work, so his health most often suffers...
There is a small number of those who managed to create a balance and maintain it throughout their life. Probably for this reason, at different times of his life, he decides and devotes himself to different aspects of life, and how far and how he gets there...
Absolutely! And we went on to discuss this:
It is impossible to balance them all, at all times, so there are "phases" that we go through, putting more time and attention to some areas, leaving others in deficit, so we can provide more for them later.
These are very important for me as well. Family loves you unconditionally, family is a place you can be yourself without being judged, it's a place of succour and comfort, a place you can be yourself.
There are some friends that can stick more than even a brother, a few, they are family. No matter if it's raining or shining, they are a shoulder to lean on.
Career is important because that takes care of the money aspect of one's life and one needs money to get things taken care of, so any wise person would build and protect it.
Health is wealth, one needs to take care of one's health because without it, nothing makes much sense.
The challenge is to build a well-rounded approach, understanding that not all things that are important, can get our attention at once. Sometimes, we have to balance efforts across time, leaving something for later.
Those four are a good representation of what a normal person values. I guess his inability to expound on why is because of the type of questioning. It seems to be a deep conversation but the answer appears too simple a reply. If a person is asked why they value their family highly, they will also be speechless. These are things that are not usually put into words. They are my blood, they make me feel happy and loved, I love them, etc. These are obvious things that everyone expects the one asking to know. So answering something other than this is what could cause some the speechlessness.
It is hard to answer, because we don't necessarily think that deeply on it, even though we might act in ways that express it. We can show love, without knowing why we do it, but perhaps it is good to take a step back occasionally and ask the question.
I guess that's true.
The most important aspect of life is health, family, friends but can we add money to the important aspect of life?
Money is important, yunno?
Of course it is - did you read that part? :)