Parentally-sourced trauma.
I was writing about the bio-pic Michael and how traumatic childhoods might be a driving force for some people to develop brilliance in a skill, but I am unsure how many parents would actually adopt that as a parental strategy to raise their children. However, I also think that too many parents today have swung too far in the opposite direction, by not introducing enough discomfort in the lives of their children. So as Smallsteps is having a group of her friends coming here for the day, I have announced that it coincides with;
Underwear Day!!
A day where Smallsteps parents are going to shamelessly walk around in their underwear all day, even though her friends are going to be here. However, what I was glad to see was how Smallsteps responded to this new celebration of embarrassment. For a split second, she protested but before she was even into the second word, she pivoted to;
That is okay, you can wear your underwear only. I don't mind.
"I might go naked sometimes too"
If you want to be known as the weirdo naked man, that is fine also.
This is the right response to a trolling parent.
Since Smallsteps doesn't have any siblings, I have taken it upon myself to play the role of childish tormentor, because I believe that it is a big part of growing up to have healthy understandings of human behaviours. Because despite people physically maturing, a lot of people don't actually emotionally or behaviourally mature much at all, which is why so many workplaces are more like kindergartens. Understanding how people behave at a young age, gives the foundation for lifelong interaction.
But again, a lot of this learning landscape has been removed from childhood by lower rates of birth and overprotective parents who think that removing all obstacles and discomforts from their children's lives is going to lead to a better life for the child. I don't believe it does, which I think is evidenced by the absolutely massive spike in emotional and psychological disorders in children, who are now well on their way into midlife phases, still struggling like teens.
Age is just a number.
Because without experience, we don't mature mentally and emotionally and will keep on employing childish strategies to deal with adult problems. And when these attempts don't work, the response is just as childish, because the person thinks they were doing the right thing for the circumstances and have no clue as to why it didn't work. This means that they are then victims of circumstance, and feel victimised by life despite doing the right thing all the time.
Discomfort is a good thing, as it is the way we learn pretty much anything of value. It doesn't matter if that is playing the piano, eating a new type of food, or building the emotional resilience to deal with parent-sourced embarrassment, it all takes some level of discomfort. The things that don't cause discomfort like sitting on the couch watching a screen still teach us, but what it teaches are things like physical and emotional atrophy. And as you should be able to guess, will lead to discomfort as the capabilities of the individual will not be suitable to deal with the conditions of the future.
Of course, while I think that it should be, underwear day is not a real thing and I am not planning on being in underwear or naked around a group of kids. However, having Smallsteps consider the ramifications of it and how it might make her feel, is lesson enough in this regard. I want her to learn how to deal with all kinds of people, not just those who fit into her comfortable frames who don't challenge her to learn and grow.
Anyway, with five screaming 10 year olds soon to arrive (they are good kids), I am going to retreat into the basement and clean it up as best I can, in the off-chance I will get to paint the floors this summer.
See - I can avoid discomfort too.
I should put some pants on.
Taraz
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Reading from here down, you just said everything I have been trying to say to my child.
Besides removing obstacles, allowing hours and hours of game time on the computer gives them a "reset button" mentality when it comes to facing hard realities. My kids have lived with the obstacles that I put in their lives. But then again, I only had them weekends.
As you know, one of them chose to walk out and go back to Mom's house when confronted. You don't like my words? You will read them one day, even if I am no longer here.
This is a good observation. Not only is there the training of impatience and instant gratification for useless reward, it also gives the "next time" mentality as if there is always more opportunities. For some things, once the window closes, it doesn't open again.
This is how I use Hive a lot also. It is a download of me, ideas and questions that my daughter can read when she is ready.
Exactly. I am writing to my child because he cannot hear it now, not from me anyway. I will elaborate a bit here and there for passers by, but my goal is to tell him as if I were speaking to him in person. I do not want him to think I put it out there for others to play referee between us. Glad you understand.
Smallsteps sure has your number! She learned from one of the best.
Thanks for the chuckle. Your last lines never disappoint!
She is definitely going to wipe me out in the near future. She is far brighter than me :)
I always want to leave something of value at the end ;D
It would be eye opening if it was though! I agree, most people are pretty emotionally low IQ these days. Myself included at times. It's rough watching a generation of coddled kids slowly take over the world.
Underwear day in some countries and communities would be more appealing than others!
I think it is going to end badly for us all.
Same.
new generation kids learn more from social media than their parents
Do you think it is working out for them?
our opinion doesn't matter
just like our generation did some things and maybe our parents didn't agree
the result of this work will be known later
and we can only watch whether we like it or not they learn from the internet
"Child torturer huh? I’m used to that with my nephews all the time, but maybe with a son it should be really complicated. But I know it will help build character in the loved one, right?"
Character building for sure! I think I will write something about characters next time :)
In today's world, talking to children or teaching them at an early age about "how childhood traumas or difficulties can sometimes help people learn great skills later in life" is something that will make them feel stronger in the future. However, talking about "many parents these days overprotect their children from facing the common difficulties of life" is not at all strange, since this is what is happening, while this action can eliminate the ability in children to make big decisions about their future with ease.
Given that your daughter is an only child—meaning she has no siblings—engaging in playful, childlike antics with her is beneficial for her well-being, as children often find the greatest happiness when interacting with other children. I believe that facing minor challenges during childhood fosters maturity and prepares children for the real-world problems they will encounter later in life (as I mentioned earlier). Without these valuable lessons, individuals might grow up physically but remain ill-equipped to handle adversity, relying instead on weak or childish coping mechanisms. Although 'Underwear Day' was merely a joke, it prompted your daughter to reflect deeply on her emotional boundaries.
Parents should teach their children to interact with different people.
I see it in the lives of my daughter and friends. Some aren't allowed to sort anything out for themselves.
I guess for most humans children are good learning tools
And since they are young and not has been invested into them, losing them early isn't an issue :D
This is off topic. Today on the news I heard that trump earned more than 1 billion from crypto. In one year. I assume that if he wants to keep earning from crypto, markets needs to stop crashing and at least bitcoin should recover? So maybe there is a bit of hope for Hive there as well? Or am I missing something and he can earn even than everything is on fire?
Edit: now I realise that maybe this is not completely of topic. After all trump is a bit like
a kidjoffrey ...For sure, our underwear choices can influence our confidence and mood during the day :)
Child tormentor sounds fun, that's the role I take frequently near my 10 year old nephew! And if you're going to have a larger kids group around... even more torment chances, seems like a win! 😁. Totally with you on the needed dosed disconfort part, ideally with pants on!
I offloaded way too much of that reslience training onto sport XD And the Bigs continued gymnastics to this day and Youngest quit early on but recently got into music which does the same job.
Again with the massive selection bias I've only seen a couple of instances of coddling both in homeschool groups and at work (actual coddling not "coddling" where parents are dealing with spectrum kids which can look the same to the uninitiated). I am glad to be in this selectrion bias and much less glad to hear how prevalent what I thought was a minority attitude is.
It seems counterintuitive perhaps but hardship to some degree is a good thing. Of course, there are limits.