He smiled for the last time, at the last thought, as the last memory faded, the last air expelled, and the last of the light of his eyes turned toward an endless black expanse. There had been many beginnings and many ends, but this one, was the last cycle. A new experience, replace by no experience at all. And just a moment before he had asked himself,
Was it worth it?
That moment had elongated, time stretched like honey pouring from a spoon. All of life didn't go racing by in a montage of all that had been, but there were faces, their eyes, and a trace of what it meant collected, like a single digit answer at the end of a near impossible calculation. A solution to a question that was always there, but never asked.
Look back, look forward, look today, look away. It doesn't matter which, each are the same. The time we spend and save, the time we waste and invest, it all amounts to nothing more than an expression of movement, to an unknown tune and steps never chosen to dance. All the importance, the arguments, the accomplishments and failures, delusions in a fevered dream. All-consuming in the moment, but meaningless in the grander scheme to which order has chosen not to trouble.
Was it worth it?
The question is nonsensical, for if time is a loop and future and past live continuously side by side, entangled, than there is no was, there is only is. The start is the end, the end the start, life is death and death is life. And the last is the first. The first time, the first thought, the first memory, the first breath, first entry into the darkness. A constant experience of firsts, with each also being lasts. Entirely unique. Never repeated and never kept. For this is no way to keep what is.
He twists the spoon of time, trying to slow the fall of honey in what he knows is a losing battle with his consciousness. Soon, the thoughts would stop. Finally, the thoughts will stop. For a thoughtful life doesn't make for a life of ease. Thoughts get in the way of comfort. Thought pick at the seams of safety and undermine the supports, the relationships. Thoughts entertain questions and deliver uncertainties, wear down resolve and hammer at cracks to steal confidence, and raise the shadows of doubt.
Was it worth it?
What kind of life is being lived if that question is even on the mind? A life spent in thought, questioning each decision, each experience, and passing uneducated judgement on the quality of what should require no thought at all. Mindlessness. Pure, unadulterated experience. Freedom that is only possible when the bars of thought have been removed. But without thought, what does experience become? Without thought, there is no experience, no memory, no prediction of what is to come. Without thought, there is no difference between time, nor is the difference between rock or water. Only through observation can stillness and flow be teased apart.
And now, it is too late. The honey of time has fallen and is pooling, spreading, enveloping the fractions of moments left to consume, as the final first arrives, and the darkness takes it all.
What is worth, when there is nothing left with which to compare?
Taraz
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Very powerful. I've definitely been having a lot of these thoughts as I inch closer and closer to the end. I hope I still have a long way to go and plenty of time to make it worth it!
A long way to go, doesn't seem that far away either. Time speeds up. Definitely worth doing more making than thinking about doing.
It's like warp speed, it's horrible!
I think this is the first time that I read a prose-like-style of yours. I really enjoyed that, thank you.
When it comes to thoughts, I always wonder if animals have them. If they think the way that humans can, one or multiple layers of words constantly flowing through our minds. Okay, I wonder the same about some humans, but that's a different topic. How we think is so interesting. Have you ever tried to find out how many layers (or streams of words) you can identify at the same time?
I used to write a lot more, but I have struggled with it in the last few years. I reckon I should push myself harder.
No, but I have done an exercise to keep finding the next layer of the "observer" - it is an endless task perhaps.
When it comes to animals, I think at least many do have thought, because I have seen dogs and cats dream. Perhaps the difference is how far we can push our thoughts into the future to predict events, or hold at one time to spur action in the moment?
It is. I eventually gave up. It's impressive how many can be added, and there is always the next one, the one that's counting, the one that's thinking about counting... Quite endless. That's why focusing is so hard maybe, because one has to align all those possible thoughts on to one topic.
Probably, yes. Maybe it's also being aware of that we're thinking?
That is why at my age I no longer make decisions based on what it would be worth in the future alone. I feel like it is time to enjoy the fruits of my labor before it is too late... Make every day worth living make it count... I don't want to have regrets of what I have not done on my death bed.
This also comes with accepting that not everything wanted can be done, right? There are far too many things on the list to possibly get completed well enough. Reducing the list can help, but even then, is it just limitation masquerading as choice?
Or could we say that no matter for how long did we prepare ourself, we aren't never ready. The novelty and the undisclosed experience, that opens one dimension and closes all the other ones... the ones that we wished to think they were meant to be lived forever, brings the unwished but more then predictable forced freedom. Is it true freedom? Or is the final prison? That question only could be answered if we lived our live in meaning, or at least with some experience added.
I have the opportunity to make a difference.
Do we? I believe so. Even that after the final exhale, the only thing that comes... couldn't be recorded in out minds... in our memory. Only the ones that continue, could take our memories. Their memories about ourself.
All comes to a end, or a to a beginning.
Even that I'm turning 47 in couple of weeks, I can answer:
Yes. It does worth it. Every time. Even if it only a one way street
Maybe death is not freedom at all. Those that believe in an afterlife are containing themselves to limitation after all, aren't they? They are saying that "my future is what I can imagine now" - like a child predicting what adulthood will be, without evidence. They base it on what they know, not what could be, and unlimited freedom is unimaginable.
Yes. Our legacy.
I am only a few months behind you in age and while I believe it is worth it, I also think that the "worth" is not equal for all. For some of us at least, we are trading our value for comfort, lowering our worth.
This really made me think. Maybe we can’t always see right away if everything is worth it, but in every experience, there’s a lesson and a change. What matters most is that we keep fighting and learning. Whether it’s worth it or not, as long as we loved and learned that’s the true value of life. So let’s just trust that we can handle everything.
I agree with this and it is part of a discussion I am planning on having with my daughter after she missed her bus (not her fault) for the first time today :)
Yeah...He thought too much...lol.
As a certified overthinker, I'd say thoughts are overrated. Those who have embraced simplicity certainly seem happier
They seem happier for sure. Is individual happiness the highest goal though?
The morning was thick and foggy, quiet and windless; time seemed to stand still. I savored the autumn air and the view, knowing 99% that this morning would forever remain etched in the universe's memory.
Do you think the universe is conscious? I do not. It just does what it does.
Memory and consciousness are different things. A computer has memory, a blockchain has memory, but no consciousness.
This piece made me to stop and think so how do we measure the value of life?
That idea that every beginning is also a huge ending feels very true. Time just flow in circles and you know we are just a part of it. I like how the honey of time images show the slow but unstoppable passing moments. I have been reminded that we should live life in the present instead of questioning too much because in the end maybe life does not need to be worth it. Life just needs to be lived.
I agree and disagree. I agree that it should be lived. I disagree that it needn't be worth it. If we don't have worthy meaning in our life, what life are we living?
I think every single moment, no matter whether it seems important or not, plays a part in our journey. Perhaps, it is during those times when we stop asking questions and begin to live that we really discover the worth of our journey.
I agree with you. We are made to look back and forward, so it seems silly to waste those skills and only immerse in the present, mindlessly.
This reminds me of moments between existence and nothingness. I think the question we should be asking ourselves is, was it worth it?
And this is something everyone faces at every point of their life, especially when they realize how temporary everything might be. The comparison of time to honey was a nice one. It makes me wonder if peace only comes when we finally stop fighting the flow and just let things go the way it's supposed to be. Life may not have a clear path or a clear answer, but that is what makes life special.
It is possible. But if the flow is over the edge of a waterfall, should we fight?
I believe it will always be “worth it.” We cannot escape circumstances, but we can perhaps notice some signs. So, we just have to live, even though it is sometimes difficult to carry on. Thoughts can often be a burden, but without them we cannot be human beings. Perhaps we just need to “unplug” a little, meditate, and move forward, as much as possible. Greetings, @tarazkp.
I agree. Which is why I am against avoiding thinking through entertainment to distract. A lot of life today is a process of thought avoidance.
This really touched me because it reminds me of those quiet moments when you start thinking about life and everything you’ve done, the choices you made, and whether it all truly mattered. The way you described time like honey slowly dripping feels so real; sometimes life really does feel like it’s slipping through your fingers no matter how hard you try to hold on. It makes me think about how we often get lost in our thoughts and worries instead of just living.
In the end, maybe what matters isn’t how long we hold on, but how deeply we live before the final drop falls.
And yet, if we do not think enough about what is worrying us, the problems will grow, the challenges deepen, and we will eventually be forced.
Reading this gave me a lot of chills. The whole concept of life with an endless loop, where there are beginnings and endings,this feels both comforting and haunting. Strange how will spend so much time trying to make sense out of all these things. And this might never have meaning beyond the experience we're having now. The line about thoughts peaking at the seams of safety, this is very true. Maybe silence and acceptance add the two forms of wisdom.
We only have the experience of life now - everything else is an illusion. But, what we do now is going to lead into the next now, so we might want to choose what we do carefully.
Your writing is about poetic and powerful thoughts. Our life is such that life and death are only the end and the end and the beginning. Still, our life is ongoing. But we must keep these in mind. Many times it seems that there is no end and there is no beginning. It seems that everything ends at the beginning and sometimes we should think that we should start from the end.
Planning for the future is best done by working backward and discovering what needs to be done now.
Every moment is a thread interwoven to create that fabric you call life. And we wear that fabric to live our individual lives 😊
And sometimes, that thread doesn't make a fabric, but a big ass knot. :D
Oo yes indeed that's time to move on...🙃😁
This is deep! @tarazkp this thought has always been a hindrance for more growth,there would be time where we won't care of the payback nor the outcome on the choices we made, if favourable or not but the decision must take place. For how long can a man question his thoughts, if doubtful or undoubtedly way he lives his This is just psychology twist of mind. Observation should come before thought, thins shouldn't be rushed. Life is indeed short and a precious journey.
'honey of time' luv the sound of that. :)
it wud be worth it to get eyes like those! mine are getting old and tired..
It is always worth it, inaction condemns us and action will leave us something good or something bad, but it leaves us.
I love, love, love the image of time as honey
So poignant.
Thanks