Lately, I find myself avoiding heart-to-heart conversations with my mum. As an African girl who is considered to be in her prime marriageable age there’s really only one way the conversation ends-Marriage.
Don’t get me wrong we talk about the usual things like career growth, business, family, politics, etc. But our conversations never end without my mum asking questions like
"Efe, do you have a boyfriend? If you do, who is he? Why have I never met him? When will you bring a man to me?"
A lot of this has to do with the fact that I have never introduced a guy to my mum and that’s on purpose. Even when I dated in the past, I kept it completely away from her (thank goodness for that😅).
You see, whether or not you have an only surviving child as my mom does, it is normal to be extremely involved and inquisitive about said child’s life. She's practically in my face at every opportunity she gets (I loveeeeeett! For the most part).
I know it’s quite unusual given how brutal the dating scene can be, but I have only been in two relationships all my life. Once with my first love whom I wrote a paragraph about in my introductory post.
The other with a guy who ended up being not worth it- a complete waste of my time and emotions. Both of them weren't exactly the best. I was young, naive, and way too trusting hence the mistakes were made. I was in love-clueless, utterly stupid but hopelessly in love. Both freaking times!
Let me tell you a little story of how crazy in love I was. One night, I went with my best friend in Uni at the time, Oliha, to what we like to call "night class"(studying overnight in lecture halls in groups or alone).
I was engrossed in my books- or so I thought🤔. I started to think about my boyfriend(now EX, emphasis on the block letters) at the time, smiling and blushing sheepishly, I was so lost. I was awakened to reality with a hard tap on my head. Oliha hit me, my own bestie cut short my visit to la-la land.
Oliha was so shocked, she didn't know whether to scold me or laugh at me. It took oliha hitting me to realize how far gone I was. I had scribbled his name and made heart drawings all over the page I was supposedly reading. I must have written 'I 💘 you x' about 60 times on that page. I'm not even playing right now, my eyes were glazed. And no, I will not tell you his name LOL.
Now here’s the million-dollar question; Why am I really single? A lot of times people assume it’s for lack of admirers (as per nobody dey toast/woo me). Just hold that thought right there because it couldn’t be any further from the truth. I mean...have you seen me? I'm 5'5inches of beauty, brains, goodness, and lushness.
The truth is I'm single because I choose to be. I am content in my singlehood but then again, it does get boring sometimes. Some people might consider this too much information but I have been single for about 3 years. “Woww....That long?” That is the usual reaction I get.
Though I have met a few good guys since then, I am apprehensive about history repeating itself, so I have consciously avoided putting myself out there. When I love, I do so with all my heart so you see. I couldn't care less what anyone said or thought, I was a good partner twice.
Twice I have loved and twice I have been hurt badly. I don’t think that I have the capacity to handle another heartbreak. Right now, I'm engrossed in work so much that my social life is at a -2.
I have unconsciously put up walls to guard my heart, so every time I get close to falling I tell myself, "All the good ones are taken". Finding the type of love I seek is not easy, but it is well worth it.
The single life has its ups and downs. Sometimes I get lonely (only on weekends) when I'm free from work...even my closest friends have been in and out of relationships a number of times but here I am still flying solo. There are moments when I need hugs, I want to be pampered.
My friend Gabby says I'm confused and picky. Oh, but I am not, I know exactly what I want and that’s a man who is intentional and passionate about loving me. Someone who is just as in love with me as I am with him.
I deserve the best of everything - the patient, understanding, selfless, hopeless romantic, kind, amazing man, and that's exactly what I'll get. Oh boy, I want to be happy in love, and I will be.
There are good men out there and the best one will find me at the right time.
Cheers 🥂
PS: I hope you enjoyed every bit of this write-up. Thank you for reading. Sending you loads of hugs because you are the best!😁
After reading this, I seriously whispered to myself "who's this girl?", hehe, don't get me wrong, I meant it in a fun kind of way.
I wouldn't say I understand what you're going through because I can never wear the shoes you've worn and men, its heartbreaking having your heart broken. I'm sure you were so in love with Mr EX, head over hills for one person. It surely is a wonderful feeling to love someone with everything you've got. I'm sorry MR EX was too blind to understand the magnitude of your love for him.
When you said 3years, sorry, I wasn't shocked because I went a good 4years without dating, Feels like yesterday. It's not what you're thinking, I didn't have my heart broken, no.. but my last relationship didn't go so well, I didn't cheat and all but I wasn't able to love. How do I put this?..I was negligent and didn't know how to express my feelings. So it didn't work out. Since then, I dreaded dating, for fear it'll turn out the same way, I didn't want to have someone hating me for no good reason.
So instead of force it, I left it, I know I'm not of a marrying age and there wasn't no pressure. But I took time to fully understand myself, took time to discover new things about other people especially girls, I made friends with them, I learnt to share secrets with them, we talked about deep things but I didn't let love set in.
Love is confusing sometimes, it's hard to understand. The right guy might come, but would you be able to receive him? .."He's like every other guy" would be the thought of the day. We just might never know how things are going to turn out.
Don't stop loving with your whole heart @omosefe , you'll find the right guy soon
😒🚶🚶🚶🚶
@chincoculbert You better have meant it in a fun way😁. Honestly, I hope I am able to recognize and receive the right guy when he does come along.I don't know if I can handle loving with my whole heart right now, so I intend to take things one day at a time.
Also, I'm glad that you took the time to really understand yourself, hopefully when you date again, you'd do things better.
Best believe I'll publish a full post about him when I find him.
Lol I did, sorry for the late reply tho. Sure it's understandable, not every one heals at the same pace, some people do it faster while others take a longer time. What matters is that you heal in the end. Take your time dear there's no rush.
Sure I'm really glad I did, it's helpful in a number of ways.
I hope I get to read the published post so I'll have a slight insight on how you feel.
Hope you had a great day?
I also hope you get to read it too. Sure i did. How was yours?
Ómo e just day...
Good morning
Good morning 😁
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And never hesitate to look out for what you deserve, having criteria is the best thing you can do for yourself since dating scene is pretty much messed up nowadays. Being in relationship for the sake of fulfillment social standards sucks, so go girl and do what makes you happy!
@alt3r Thank you!😊
Here's my favorite. Knowing what you want. Alot of people just dabble into relationships without knowing what they want.
And thanks for not generalizing men.
Good read.
@uddydan Yes, I do agree that all men are not the same😁, and you're welcome only if you are one of the good guys!🙃
Thank you for reading.
Hello friend! I loved your story, something sad about your love relationships, but it is true that what God has prepared for a nobody takes it away, a man willing to love you without any interest and full of good intentions will come on the way because you deserve it and your happiness will be immense ...
@ygalue90 Hi there friend! Thank you for loving my story😊.
"but it is true that what God has prepared for a nobody takes it away, a man willing to love you without any interest and full of good intentions will come on the way because you deserve it and your happiness will be immense ..."
This gladdens my heart so. I am patiently waiting and when I do find him, I'll be sure to put up a story here. Thank you again😊
I do enjoy the write up 🥰🥰🥰
Nice work 😘
@uncle2 Thank you