An old friend sent me an article today which tells us the how the Queen's great grandchildren (Prince George, Prince Louis & Princess Charlotte) will soon be attending Lambrook preparatory school, located near Ascot in the UK. A long time ago my father believed himself to be an elite member of society and as such he sent me to this very same school. Reading the article brought back a lot of memories and I'm not exactly sure why but I feel like writing about it.
Lambrook was founded in 1860 and two of Queen Victoria's grandsons, Prince Christian Victor and Prince Albert of Schleswig-Holstein, attended, with Victoria travelling from Windsor Castle to watch them in plays and at cricket matches.
At the time I was rubbing shoulders with the son of Camilla Parker Bowles, Duchess of Cornwall & second wife to Prince Charles. I suppose this is one of the reasons he sent me there at the age of seven. If a school is good enough for members of the royal family it was good enough for me. Sounds cool on the surface right? Yet I assure you my experience there was anything but cool. And if I am going to be honest, I still have nightmares about the place today.
No doubt Lambrook has changed a lot since I was there but back then it was extremely strict and pain punishments were handed out regularly.
Poignant memories
I remember clearly the first time I was beaten by the headmaster. It was a Sunday morning on which we had an extra hour in bed and I found myself awake and unable to go back to sleep. The sunlight was streaming through a gap in the curtains above my bed and there were dust particles floating softly in the air, illuminated by the sun. I was intrigued by their gentle movement and lifted my hand to play with them, disrupting their movement and enjoying the visual effect this created. My DC (dormitory captain) saw what I was doing and angrily told me I should have been sleeping at this time. He sent me to see the headmaster and without any questions this strange old man beat me three times on the bum with a hot gym shoe which lived on the radiator to keep it at exactly the right flexibility for maximum pain. It was first time in my life I had ever experienced anything like this and it changed me instantly. Like I went into a shell.
Eyesight problems
Worth noting too that my vision changed shortly after this. I became short sighted, unable to see distance objects or the black board from the back of the classroom. Having researched vision since then I understand now this is a natural reaction to what was happening, common in the lives of many children when they are pulled from their calm family homes into a rather more traumatic kind of existence. The world around me seemed harsh and scary so my vision contracted, permitting me to see clearly only that which I chose to put directly in front of my face. Obviously no one told me this at the time and as a shortsighted child I was simply given glasses, which did correct my long distance vision but did not correct the trauma which had created the problem in the first place. Such is the way of the world today. Particularly evident in the medical industry. Generally speaking it aims to remedy the symptoms without addressing the cause, ultimately creating a lifetime of repeat business.
Dyslexia & ADHD
It was at this school I was declared to be dyslexic with ADHD tendencies, around the same time I was given my mandatory MMR vaccine (coincidence?). From then on I was told in no uncertain terms that I wasn't like the other children and would require extra pain or extra classes to snap me into shape.
Am very grateful to my mother who really helped me at this time by working on basic spelling exercises with me in the holidays and also she found a great specialist teacher outside of the school who was after some years able to help me catch up with the other children and ultimately shine in the way to which I have now become accustomed.
Photographic evidence of my attendance
Here is my school photo from 1985. That white building behind us I actually dreamt about last night. I was trying to escape from one of the first floor windows!
Can you see me in the front row?
I am in the middle, trying to smile for the picture with my very trendy side parting. Mixed emotions is what I see on my face.
The solution
The first few years were extremely difficult and I was beaten nine times in total by the headmaster. Many more by other teachers. Particularly my French teacher! Which is perhaps why I still feel a resistance to speaking the language today?
In the end I figured out how to survive there by breaking the rules & taking a lot of pleasure from that. I remember talking to my father about it and he told me not to break the 13th commandment: Though shalt not get caught! So that's what I did. And in truth, nothing much has changed today. Government has just replaced governance.
A few friends & I started a 'gang' called the SWOB gang. (Stonehill, Wallace, Oldridge & Bennet) and together we broke the rules in style, building a camp in the forrest complete with a porcelain toilet and pornographic magazines.
In the winter when it was dark early we urinated through little holes in a wooden fence exactly when random cars were driving past the school grounds. Yeah, that one was funny because from the other side all they could see was our penises and therefore couldn't identify us. Screw them we said. And by the end of our five year incarceration period, we loved it. But not because we were one of them.
The positives
Before I sign off I do want to recognise how there were some positive aspects to the school. I made friends with a young Chinese piano virtuoso who taught me to play from my heart (unlike my music teacher who wanted me to play by the book) and even today I can sit down at a piano and make Sabrina cry by just making something up. I learned to shoot rifles at the age of seven, I enjoyed my first personal garden (3x3M), growing potatoes & basil, I learned how to make elderflower cordial (the flowers grew on the school grounds) and I learned how to do magic. This last skill won me some UK competitions, gave me my first paid job performing shows and it helped me see that I could do anything I wanted with my life. If I just focus on something for long enough I will always become great at it. And perhaps, had I not gone to that school I would not have discovered this about myself till a later date. Perhaps never? So, for this I am grateful.
Final thoughts
Overall what I learned was that no one has the right to tell you how to live your life without permitting you to question their methods & intentions. So as soon as you find yourself in a situation where that is no longer possible, you must either change your situation or figure out a way to break the rules without getting caught.
Not all that surprisingly this is a lesson I appear to have passed on to my son already ;)
Love & Light everyone 🌱
Special thanks to the O of SWOB for staying in touch all these years and for alerting me to this story.
Title image taken from this article
I had so many troubles at schools too! I was summoned to see the headmaster twice. Many teachers just didn’t like me and I hardly had any friends. I had only five friends! At reunion, people just ignored me and became aghast when they found out about my academic achievements. I stopped going to the yearly reunion after two visits; I could see they didn’t change for the better. Fortunately, being a black sheep had saved me from the poisonous jabs and getting involved in party politics. I think schools are mostly very harmful to free spirited and inquisitive children.
I discovered that most high class children were already fully programmed and could no longer think independently!
Sorry to hear you also have some bad experiences with school.
I suppose we should be grateful the idea of institutionalised education doesn't work for us, otherwise we may just have ended up with programmed minds like so many!
Don't know how many lessons I am teaching each day to my children. Many! And certainly the lessons I am teaching are far more valuable in the world we live in today than the lessons their school would have them learn.
I am happy you found a way to navigate and have fun with the SWOBs. You story of the beating reminds me of getting whipped with a cane at my catholic primary school. I am happy corporal punishment is now considered abuse. Thanks for explaining about how trauma and short-sightedness. I am happy the story ended with some positives and that you have passed them on to your son. 🤣
Yes yes yes! The SWOB gang lives on in my heart ;)
Sorry to hear you went through something similar at your school.
Interesting about the eyesight hey! I sometimes wonder if I am not still suffering from the trauma (reflected in my nightmares) and only when I fix this will my eyesight return to normal. Technically I should be able to fix them with exercises but haven't had much success with this in the past.
Sure, the story ended well. They always do once we learn how to think correctly ;)
fuck school
:)
Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
School is life. Assuming you are living a good one!
Life is learning - and no, I'm going the roughest road..
Cruelty is something that must be instilled into the top echelons of the servants of an empire. If you're going to have to put down a rebellion in some distant land belonging to your beloved Empire, it helps if you can do everything it takes without too many qualms.
Britain is no longer an empire and wasn't even when you attended the school but traditions often persist way beyond their usefulness.
Interesting observation and certainly I can associate with that. The school I attended after the one I mentioned in this post was also quite military in nature and the older students were permitted to do pretty much anything they wanted to the younger students, especially on the last night of the year when severe injuries were a regular occurrence. And I remember well how once I became one of the older students I actually had a desire to treat the younger students in the same way I had been treated. Like my ethical boundaries had been blurred. Inflicting pain on others was just part of life! And the boarding house I attended for five years was called Army House, so you don't have to be a genius to see where they hoped the majority of us would end up.
How severe? Broken bones?
That's how it goes. What goes around comes around.
Finland has universal military conscription for males. I don't remember anything like that, severe injuries, that is. It is very counterproductive, which is why the military has worked to root the practice out - successfully if what my father had told me was accurate. I do remember one master sergeant who was somewhat frightening. I saw him open a door once with a drop kick. Rumor had it he had punched a recruit a long time ago. On the other hand, based on what I saw, he was a true embodiment of good esprit de corps in the sense that he would rail about "fight the banks on our behalf" as some conscripts would potentially face financial trouble because of having to spend 8-11 months in the military, for example.
On the last night of the year the seniors (knowing they were leaving school for the last time the following morning) would put their military boots in pillowcases and use them as weapons, swinging them around their heads as hard as they could. They were permitted to come into our dormitory with these weapons at 3am to basically beat up any juniors they didn't like. I remember seeing broken noses and possibly a broken arm. Thankfully I did alright that night because I didn't make any enemies with the seniors during my first year. I understood quickly that to avoid injury one needed to willingly do duties for them throughout the year, like warm up their toilet seat in the winter or watch out for teachers while they smoked cigarettes behind the bike shed in the summer.
While I did acknowledge the feeling that I wanted to treat the juniors the same way I had been treated I don't recall ever acting on it. It was evident that kindness to them achieved the same results with a more enjoyable feeling attached to it.
Man that's tough. I have a Swiss friend who went through the same thing. Though it's great you were able to get through it intact. Your master sergeant sounds like quite a character.
Now I'm thinking about it we had someone a bit similar! A military man (don't recall rank) who was in charge of our weapons & ammunition. Yeah, it was a school for boys aged 13-18 but we did military stuff on Wednesdays. I actually opted for the navy in the end as it meant we got to sailing with girls from a local school ;)
Appreciate this conversation Mark. It's probably good for me to get a lot of these memories out in the open.
Broken bones sounds bad. Seriously.
I don't think getting through my service intact was ever in question. It was physically hard at times but I don't recall being subject to any sadism whatsoever. I did have a mild case of stress fracture in my shin in the first month.
The master sergeant was quite a character, indeed. He wasn't hated. He was thought of as somewhat strange but he wasn't bad.
We had a giant pot for making soup for the entire company when on camping out on exercises. Some guys from another platoon had tended the fire under the pot a bit too well and the thing melted from the bottom and was ruined. The guys got an earful and the master sergeant agonized over how to explain the incident to the major responsible for supply and maintenance of the garrison. That particular camp was fun. We had the opportunity to try different types of weapons including the legendary Suomi KP/-31 submachine gun, which had not been in service for many decades.
This weapon was instrumental in thwarting hundreds of infantry attacks by the Red Army in 1939/1940.
i am a 13th amendment professional 😉
Yeah right! It may take some years to perfect but it's worth it in the end ;)
Haha, i have been practicing since my school age days!
I don't have many good memories of school either. Many of us got hit by our teachers back then. Fear was really one of the more popular way to teach, it still is for some.
Then I look at my girls and see how much they just enjoy learning and take pride in it. That really warms my heart. I'm super glad we get to break that cycle for our kids Sam. And yes to breaking rules lol. Sending you all much love xxxxx
I remember you telling me about this and feeling a real connection with you through our shared experiences. Fear was used to control us then and it is still being used to control us today. Well, not us! But you know what I mean ;)
And yes yes yes! Thank goodness we were blessed with children, giving us the opportunity to not only break the cycle but to assist in the creation of beings who I believe will make a real positive difference in the world of tomorrow.
Love love love x
Love you cuddlekitten. Thankfully cats don't have to endure absurdities such as school! Oh, to be a cat...