This week was interesting at Hive Learners, we had three topics to post related to each other. The main topic was parenting. Monday we had a topic concerning cell phones and house engagement and on Wednesday we also had the opportunity to discuss our current way of life and our kids. Today we have a reversed topic. Because right now we aren't going to talk about our downstream relationship of care with our kids, but our upstream relationship with our parents who are getting older. My parents are the basic reference for me as a father. Some lessons I will pass through and others that I don't agree with will disappear in my parenting mode. But still, they were important, in good or bad, for my growth. They are still my parents even after they die, I wasn't born by spontaneous combustion.
I care about their lives. They are 70 years old, they are elders already. My father is stubborn and doesn't want to retire. I think he thought that he was going to stay like this forever. Probably when he had cancer two years ago woke up him a bit more, but since the menace of cancer left him alone, he forgot a bit again about his current age. My mom is dependent on my father, and despite not admitting it, I think that if my father dies she won't know to make any decisions about her life. They are right now by themselves in Brazil, since both me and my brother are in Canada, not so close, but still in the same country. I am in Alberta, he is in Ontario 4 hours of travel by plane is a lot still.
The first idea was bringing them to Canada somehow. It is possible. I am a Canadian citizen, and my brother for now only a foreign worker, but he is already a US citizen, so it won't be difficult for him to stay. He probably will be applying for Permanent Citizenship soon, unless his instability in growing roots somewhere affects him again and he moves. Anyway, I can bring my parents here and help them. But my father doesn't want it since he says that he has a job there and he wouldn't be able to move his job. They are used to their lives there in Brazil in their apartment.
I just commented on a post with something that I didn't agree with. Should our parents decide where to stay and how when they need help to survive? That was the question in the post. I will try to expand the opinion that I left in the post with another question. Do our children decide where to stay and how when they need our help to survive? At least in my home, my children need to accept the best path of taking care of them since they are our dependents. For now, my parents aren't dependent, they still can do their things on their own.
But one day, they will become my dependent, because they will need help to survive. Becoming dependants they will need to accept what I think is the best for them, without making self-sacrifices. For example, my family can't go back to Brazil and leave everything we are building behind just to take care of my parents. They are children again, they will have choices that are compatible with my family's current life. They can come to Canada, or we will need to pay someone or Senior Housing there.
Should our parents decide where to stay and how when they need help to survive? That was the question in the post. I will try to expand the opinion that I left in the post with another question. Do our children decide where to stay and how when they need our help to survive? At least in my home, my children need to accept the best path of taking care of them since they are our dependents. For now, my parents aren't dependent, they still can do their things on their own. But one day, they will become my dependent, because they will need help to survive. Becoming dependants they will need to accept what I think is the best for them, without making self-sacrifices.
For example, my family can't return to Brazil and leave everything we are building behind just to take care of my parents. They are children again, they will have choices that are compatible with my family's current life. They can come to Canada, or we will need to pay someone or Senior Housing there. That will happen not because I am evil, but depending on the situation I can even ask Brazilian justice for the right of being responsible for their destiny when they can't make decisions anymore. Kids are afraid of their parents and if they don't do that parents can go to problems such as bankruptcy or health problems since they can't take care of them anymore in full.
So yes we are responsible for our parents when they reach a point that they can't take care of themselves, like our kids when they are young. We must help them until their end, but also we have our own limits and we can't step into our life , a self-sacrifice to maintain the same way of life that they had before getting this problem. Their life will change and they need to accept that, they are getting old and they can't take care of themselves anymore.
Esta semana foi interessante no Hive Learners, tivemos três tópicos para postar relacionados entre si. O principal foi a parentalidade. Na segunda-feira, tivemos um tópico sobre telefones celulares e envolvimento doméstico e na quarta-feira também tivemos a oportunidade de discutir nosso estilo de vida atual e nossos filhos. Hoje temos um tópico reverso. Porque agora não vamos falar sobre nossa relação descendente de cuidado com nossos filhos, mas nossa relação ascendente com nossos pais que estão envelhecendo. Meus pais são a referência básica para mim como pai. Algumas lições eu passarei adiante e outras com as quais não concordo desaparecerão no meu modo de parentalidade. Mas ainda assim, eles foram importantes, para o bem ou para o mal, para o meu crescimento. Eles ainda são meus pais mesmo depois de morrerem, eu não nasci por combustão espontânea.
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Eu me preocupo com as vidas deles. Eles têm 70 anos, são idosos agora. Meu pai é teimoso e não quer se aposentar. Acho que ele pensava que ia ficar assim para sempre. Provavelmente, quando teve câncer dois anos atrás, acordou um pouco mais, mas desde que a ameaça do câncer o deixou em paz, ele esqueceu um pouco novamente sobre a idade atual. Minha mãe depende do meu pai e, apesar de não admitir, acho que se meu pai morrer, ela não saberá tomar decisões sobre sua vida. Eles estão agora sozinhos no Brasil, já que tanto eu quanto meu irmão estamos no Canadá, não tão perto, mas ainda no mesmo país. Estou em Alberta, ele está em Ontario, 4 horas de viagem de avião ainda é muito.
A primeira ideia foi trazê-los para o Canadá de alguma forma. É possível. Sou cidadão canadense, e meu irmão por enquanto apenas um trabalhador estrangeiro, mas já é cidadão dos EUA, então não será difícil para ele ficar. Provavelmente ele estará aplicando para a Cidadania Permanente em breve, a menos que sua instabilidade em criar raízes em algum lugar o afete novamente e ele se mude. De qualquer forma, posso trazer meus pais para cá e ajudá-los. Mas meu pai não quer, pois diz que tem um emprego lá e não conseguiria transferir o trabalho. Eles estão acostumados com suas vidas lá no Brasil, em seu apartamento.
Comentei apenas em um post algo com o que não concordei. Devem nossos pais decidir onde ficar e como quando precisam de ajuda para sobreviver? Essa foi a pergunta no post. Tentarei expandir a opinião que deixei no post com outra pergunta. Nossos filhos decidem onde ficar e como quando precisam de nossa ajuda para sobreviver? Pelo menos em minha casa, meus filhos precisam aceitar o melhor caminho para cuidar deles, pois são nossos dependentes. Por enquanto, meus pais não são dependentes, ainda podem fazer suas coisas sozinhos.
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Mas um dia, eles se tornarão meus dependentes, porque precisarão de ajuda para sobreviver. Tornando-se dependentes, eles precisarão aceitar o que acho melhor para eles, sem fazer sacrifícios pessoais. Por exemplo, minha família não pode voltar ao Brasil e deixar tudo o que estamos construindo para trás apenas para cuidar dos meus pais. Eles são crianças novamente, terão escolhas compatíveis com a vida atual da minha família. Eles podem vir para o Canadá, ou precisaremos pagar a alguém ou a um Lar de Idosos lá.
Então sim, somos responsáveis por nossos pais quando eles alcançam um ponto em que não podem mais cuidar de si mesmos, assim como nossos filhos quando são pequenos. Devemos ajudá-los até o fim, mas também temos nossos limites e não podemos interferir em nossa vida, um sacrifício pessoal para manter o mesmo modo de vida que tinham antes desse problema. A vida deles vai mudar e eles precisam aceitar isso, estão envelhecendo e não podem mais cuidar de si mesmos.
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Então sim, somos responsáveis por nossos pais quando eles alcançam um ponto em que não podem mais cuidar de si mesmos, assim como nossos filhos quando são pequenos. Devemos ajudá-los até o fim, mas também temos nossos limites e não podemos interferir em nossa vida, um sacrifício pessoal para manter o mesmo modo de vida que tinham antes desse problema. A vida deles vai mudar e eles precisam aceitar isso, estão envelhecendo e não podem mais cuidar de si mesmos.
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hmmmm only if this part was that easy. I come from a Chinese background and there's a lot of the respect your elders and your elders are the wise ones kinda feeling. My grandpa is stubborn but our family just goes along with some of the things he says
My wife had a grandparent that now isn't with us anymore. He had an Italian background and he was stubborn and used to be like a patriarch ( I met my wife after he passed away, but my wife told me many things about it). So after he died he left a hole because people used to use him as a reference. End of the story until nowadays the children fight each other to decide what to do with what he left, his wife (my wife's grandmother) spent all the money on shit since she never had control of the money before and no one wanted to interfere since she was a matriarch. For example, she spent a 4k TV for her neighbor that nobody knew lol. In the end, she spent all the money and had to live with one of their children (my wife's uncle). Just to conclude I heard about Chinese tradition, but many other cultures work like that...
haha i wouldnt say chinese culture is like patriarch. just for my grandpas situation cuz he always thinks hes right lol and nobody dares to go against him cuz of his status of being older. This is just on my moms side but my dads side has no issue.
O.O I see your wife grandma went crazy lol 4k for random stranger might as well give me 4k :P
Imagine? Lol
o.o imagine the grandma giving me 4k :(?
Concordo nisso que devemos escolher o melhor para nossos pais, mas ainda acho que tudo deva ser em consenso, pelo menos, se houver essa possibilidade
Sim como com crianças voce faz o mesmo...vc conversa na boa, agora se insiste em fazer merda...tem que endurecer um pouco mais.
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Eu quero ajudar a minha mãe em sua velhice como forma de agradecer pelo o que ela fez por mim, enquanto para meus filhos, quero conquistar o amor e carinho dele e quando estiverem crescidos comentar sobre essas coisas, acho que não preciso pressioná-los agora, são crianças ainda.
Mas ficaria muito feliz se eles cuidarem de mim no futuro.
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