A Letter to my Friend who is still in Kharkiv, Ukraine

in Life Stories4 months ago (edited)

I started my morning with a lot of cigarettes and caffeine knowing that it's not good for my health. I felt like I was drowning in the middle of the dark sea and all I was feeling was darkness. Dark, deep emotions are growing inside me every day and gradually it is getting bigger and bigger. I was feeling heavy, emotional, and demotivated because still some things I can't forget. 6 years ago when I left my homeland, I used to feel devastated because of my cruel decision to leave my family and friends behind but in time I was able to move on forward-thinking that I will do something for myself. I left my childhood friend and best friend behind and I used to feel so alone in Ukraine when I migrated. But this time, I am carrying so much inside me including my past hurt feelings, and every day somehow they find a way to give me pain.

Many of you might know about @beretha, you guys might have seen her in many of my videos. Her story and my story are kinda similar, our life stories and way of seeing life are similar though we both are from different countries. She is from Iran. We both came to Ukraine at almost a parallel time, she had arrived before me though. I met her in Kharkiv, Ukraine, at university for the first time. I don't know about her feelings but I never thought we would become close friends and will stick together with each other. I first saw her in Corporate Management class and we first talked during break time in our class. I clearly remembered it was a spring morning, we get to know each other and slowly we became friends...

I had other friends also in the class but with her, I was comfortable more. We used to go outside for shopping, parties and also for photoshoots. We had many common things to talk about. I remember when I was having a hard time in 2018-2019, she was the one who mentally supported me. She is a very strong person, I mean mentally strong, not like me who is emotional and easily starts crying. I sometimes call myself a cry baby but, she is different. Her English was not good at that time and I didn't know her language and our Russian was a disaster. But somehow we managed to communicate and became friends in time.

She supported me a lot, we had a great bonding and we used to support each other.


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I remembered, on 24th February, when the first explosion happened, the first thing I did was to call her and asked her about the situation. She was scared but she was telling me everything will be okay. I knew she was scared and her voice was shaky and full of concern but she didn't express that in front of me. Instead, she was trying to keep me calm because I was crying and scared.

We used to talk over the phone every day during wartime and used to do video calls as well. When the whole of Ukraine was shaky and people panicked, she was calm. When many people decided to leave home, she decided to stay. When I asked her the reason, she said where to go, it's not safe outside. She was right but I still don't understand why she decided to stay in Kharkiv.

After coming to Netherland, I talked to her a few times. I miss her and she always asks me whether I wanna come back or not. She doesn't post on Hive regularly but a few days ago she posted and it broke my heart. You can read her post here.

After reading her post, I cried, I don't know why but I just cried. As a friend, I can't do much for her but I always text her to get her update. I told her several times if she need anything but she always says, "I am Good". I cried because 6 years ago I left my best friend in Bangladesh, somehow I have found my best friend in Beretha. I know it's the digital era and I can talk to my friends anytime but talking over the phone is not enough for me. I feel alone, I feel like I have lost everything.

I am very cosey when it comes to friendship, I don't make many friends but when I do, they are special. Beretha is one of them and to be honest, every day I feel concerned about her. She is brave indeed that's why still living in Kharkiv with her two dogs. People might call her a fool but I can now understand why she couldn't leave her home.


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I miss you my friend and hopefully, in time, you will decide what is best for you. I really hope we will meet again and will live our life just like before. Hopefully again we will celebrate Christmas and New year's Eve, just like the good old days...

I really hope soon this war will end and we will be reunited again...I know staying in Kharkiv was your choice and I am no one to comment on your decision but all I can say, you should reconsider your decision again...

I know you are strong and you are trying your best to stay strong, but whenever you need me, I am always here for you...I wanna see you again and don't wanna lose you...You are really a special friend to me...

Stay Safe...


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Love

Priyan...



I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...



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Awww... it must worry you forever!
I am like that with friends too.
But there is nothing you can do but pray for her.
Let us hope that she will be safe,
and the war will not take too long to be over.
Be safe in Netherlands, my dear @priyanarc !

I wish her the best in life though still, I think she could have come with me. I should have forced her a bit but we both are adults and I respect her choice...I do pray for her but this emptiness bothers me so much...I hope you are doing great. I am sorry I am not interactive much but I remember you always my friend... @silversaver888

Have a great day my friend...

I think she is brave as well, she needs a sawn off shotgun if she is going to stay in close quarters areas there.

Defense is the easiest role to play in a war, so if she sets up a parameter.

Thermal cameras are expensive, but they make a significant difference in the outcome of battles, the team with thermal optics wins.

If she had a thermal security camera, that alone would be a huge advantage to her, in the dark no one can hide on thermal.

Tell her also to remember the white flag, to surrender if she doesn't want to fight.

Thanks a lot for providing useful information, I hope she will read this post but I highly doubt that. I will pass this useful information to her...


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This all is so heartbreaking. I feel sorry for you, I wish I could give you a hug. And you are not alone, you have a lot of friends on Hive that worry for you and pray, and support. Please don't be sad, dear. Life goes on, and in any case, we are every day closer to the end of this harsh challenge. And your friend is a very brave girl, I wish you can meet soon again.

Sending you my love <3 <3 <3

we are every day closer to the end of this harsh challenge.

I really hope that too because the life I am living now is not a life and this is not what I wanted. I know many people on Hive care about me including you and helped me so much. But sometimes I feel so alien and lonely thinking about my friends who are not with me anymore. As I have said, talking over the phone doesn't help sometimes.

Dear, this time when everything will end, definitely we will meet and hug each other... Every day I understand the value of life and I am trying to stay positive...

You are a very good person, kind and devoted, and you have a gentle soul. You feel lonely in a foreign country, and I feel in my own ... But at least I'm at home.

There are completely different people. My friend's friend went to Germany, then to Portugal, then to Spain. She has a job and she feels very well. It looks like a great excuse (or a chance) to travel around Europe almost for free and enjoy life. Her friend and I stayed in Kyiv all the time. And she never wrote to any of us, never asked if we were alive. This is... weird and wrong.

Please, don't push yourself to stay positive. You don't have to be positive all the time, just try to find at least one positive thing that happened to you today, and focus on it. You know, on those 3 hardest first weeks, before fall asleep, I said every night "Thank you for I am alive". It was definitely a damn positive thing :D It helped me to sleep well.❤️

!LUV

There are completely different people. My friend's friend went to Germany, then to Portugal, then to Spain. She has a job and she feels very well. It looks like a great excuse (or a chance) to travel around Europe almost for free and enjoy life. Her friend and I stayed in Kyiv all the time. And she never wrote to any of us, never asked if we were alive. This is... weird and wrong.

Well, I guess I have seen such kind of people around me after all I have gathered a lot of experiences in person. I could have taken this opportunity and could have traveled the whole of Europe but I am not in that shape and this is not me. I don't blame anyone, I sometimes blame myself. I try to stay connected with my Ukrainian friends and helped many of them. I am sorry that you are experiencing such moments in life but this is a lesson for us, you know now who is your true friend...

Please, don't push yourself to stay positive. You don't have to be positive all the time, just try to find at least one positive thing that happened to you today, and focus on it. You know, on those 3 hardest first weeks, before fall asleep, I said every night "Thank you for I am alive". It was definitely a damn positive thing :D It helped me to sleep well.❤️

Trust me I try, but sometimes I can't. Sometimes I get so angry that I can't control my emotions and ask myself, why me!!! Well, it sounds selfish but sometimes my overwhelming feelings push me into dark moments...

I know what you mean. I am angry pretty often. Just few days ago I found out that ... I loose 500$ of my salary when pay off my credit. My salary was equal to monthly pay, before war, now I am bankrot, because I need +500$ that I don't have. I wanted to cry out loud - why now?? Oh... these are very hard days. War continues, and lufe continues. Life must win. We must hold on. Maybe a summer time will bring you more opportunities for relax, weekend trip, meeting with people. Hold on, dear 🤗🤗🤗

Ah, credit limit, I am not dealing with it... 300$ pending and I need to pay it within this month. LOL. Also, my health insurance got canceled and I didn't get any payment from my last job, they said that they can't pay me anymore... I was angry but there is nothing much I can do because I know my company people are dealing a lot now. I am looking for a job here so that I can earn some money to pay my credit card bill... Hahaha...

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a lot but I really hope soon we will see bright days...

That's sucks, about your job 😒 Can you work on the remote? Or do something online? Hope Hive earnings help you at least a little. And hope you will find a job soon.

Concerning my debt, it's not a credit card limit. It's a loan agreement for 2 years for a large sum, payment schedule and a large penalty for delay. $500 is a difference between the amount I payed before war and amount that I payed just today. 😳 I have money for 3 payments (eq 3 months), and then... we'll see. Hope things will not get worse

Can you work on the remote? Or do something online? Hope Hive earnings help you at least a little. And hope you will find a job soon.

Nah, now I am looking for a job in Holland... At least better to do something rather than live in the shelter the whole time...

Concerning my debt, it's not a credit card limit. It's a loan agreement for 2 years for a large sum, payment schedule and a large penalty for delay. $500 is a difference between the amount I payed before war and amount that I payed just today. 😳 I have money for 3 payments (eq 3 months), and then...

Oh, I am sorry, I got that entirely wrong... I hope you will fix and solve everything soon...

Things are getting crazy every day... Everything became so expensive in Kharkiv suddenly...

There are so many anecdotes and I am sorry to miss the thread of all of them, your life will be calm again, I am absolutely confident of that. There will be a reunion among all those who suffered and it will be unforgettable. Do not feel alone, from here you have many friends, of course, although you are right, to have friends in the present body is better. You are a good girl, brave and with a lot of strength. Keep going. I always remember Gigi. Strength my friend @priyanarc

Thank you so much for your kind words, means a lot to me. I am still strong because of my friends who helped me and supported me every day. Trust me, I am not very expressive when it comes to communicating with people, probably that's why I can't make bonds easily with people. But I have received so much love from people and that is what keeps me alive still...

I'm not as talkative as I seem to be, it's hard for me to express myself, but I've learned that in silence they can't understand me or my feelings. In hive I can express myself a little more, here I have made some good friends. Friends are there to help and you are feeling it yourself now 🙏

I know you will go back and meet with your best friend soon Hopefully. She is brave. I read that blind met a dutchie at the kringloop and that she is a therapist aswell maybe you should go talk to her.
You are doing great

Ya Blind told me about her and I will soon meet her. Probably next week but I don't know yet.

My friend is really brave and strong, I have never seen a foreigner who decides to stay in a war situation like her. Hopefully, we will meet again...

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