Oh no - I didn't mean to leave you in tears! I do hope you embrace The Now, to repeat a cliche, kind of thinking and being that I may never internalize or "master." Losing a friend, a loved one, a job, even a favorite restaurant and routine, like meeting the same friends every Friday for Happy Hour, and then one day, it is gone - at age 17 I experienced something like that, meeting the same friends in the Student Union, and the semester ended, and the friends were gone from my life forever. It took me a very long time to stop mourning their loss, to make new friends, but the first experience of camaraderie, friendship, and love, platonic or romantic, is the hardest one to let go of. Nothing else ever again will compare, right? Um, you can't compare... and yes, you CAN experience that much joy and exhiliration again. Maybe the trust and enthusiasm wane as we grow older, as we feel betrayed or abandoned or rejected. I have no answers. Only thoughts and hopes and warm wishes for all who are in this place, longing for what no longer is here. We can know in our minds that it's time to let go, but try getting the heart to "get with the program" and stop dragging us back. Good luck!! Keep writing - for me, it's the best therapy. It's also the most vulnerable we can be, sharing our writing with others. Even if you just write in a journal that nobody else sees, the act of writing it down can be cathartic. My heart is with you, for what that's worth. Cheers!!
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What can I say, thank you for taking the time to expound. I get fully where you are coming and the most ironical part is understanding that soon I will be free of this recurring pain. But. Currently I am where I am and I believe the energy to rebuild anything is what I am lacking. It took an effort to get myself where I was in whatever I lost and I know it wouldn't be easy to find myself scaling such emotional heights anytime soon. But when I can, I will definitely embrace the idea of how allowing myself to be that vulnerable again. Thank you so!
You're welcome. Great insight: It took a lot of energy to get where you were, so it'll take a lot of energy (or maybe lots more!) to abandon what you'd "built" (more than just a relationship with some, one person) and start over. Scaling emotional heights - poetic and apt! I thought of you when my husband called up some classic rock songs last night, this one especially:
This is so ...aaarrrrgh. Thank you again please. I have not been pampered by a stranger in a while. Thank you for getting me to talk. I appreciate the love. And oh, music is the unifying global language and I am too humbled to have been on your mind ♡