Pexel
Every gathering is a mix of people with diverse characters and the church isn't an exception. There, you'll find individuals with funny, annoying, weird, etc, attitudes depending on how you choose to view them. Myself and a friend were discussing about people and their behaviours in church which is hilarious by the way. And, here they are!
The noisemakers
These ones sit mostly at the back to catch cruise with everything pastor says. They always go, " we hear you sir, ride on pasta, Fire!, Holy ghost!" But shi shi, they are not grabbing.
The journalists.
The ones that come with every single writing material; pen, Bible, jotter, pencil, Sunday school manual to put down notable points from the sermon but they still won't open it till the next Sunday.
Sleep ambassadors
These ones can sit beside banging instruments and very big speakers and still sleep throughout the service. They only wake up once it's time to say The Grace. They have a reserved place in the B.Q of hell.
The spirit filled
These ones act like they're the only carriers of the holy spirit. Ordinary... 'Lift your voice and tell God something', they'll scatter everywhere. Even, 'be in the mood of worship', they'll start speaking in tongues.
My pastor has sha declared break and pay... Everybody don rest small.
The usher's nightmare
These ones have one special seat for every Sunday. They sometimes arrive early but will never sit in front.
The unshakable
These ones, no matter how intense the praise or worship session is, they'll never shake their bodies(nothing dey move them). Choristers dislike this set of people. If you're the worship leader and you lock eyes with them, you fit disconnect.
The special members
These ones come to church on special days or Thanksgiving service just to eat free food. And they can dance. They're mostly Liverpool fans...they never show up alone.
The offering avoiders.
These ones start looking for change in their bag so that they'll escape the offering box once it reaches their turn.
Or, they'll sneak outside once the offering prayer is going on.
The 'I don't care.'
These ones are indifferent about whatever goes on. They're mostly young persons whose parents forced to attend service. They can't wait to get back home.
Children of darkness
These one never ever have light in their houses. You'll see them come with a bag that contains extension, phone, laptop, rechargeable blender and fan, headset, powerbank and every other chargeable sruff. Every other thing happening in church is not their business.
The wise virgins
The ones always come on time. They sometimes arrive before the minister and will leave hours after the service has ended.
The Photo'jess-ica'
These ones can't wait for service to end so they'll locate a good spot to take premium pictures. They've even mastered their pose before hand. They're mostly Itel users that borrow someone's iPhone/Samsung.
The time keepers
These ones are constantly checking the clock to know when church will dismiss. Especially when the pastor is preaching. Unfortunately for them, in the house of God, 600 years runs faster than one minute.
Foodies
These ones eat rice, sweet, drink juice, water, eat groundnut and even corn before the service goes halfway.
The walk-abouts
The instrumentalist that never gives offering. They'll go out once it's time for sermon.nd fine back to play instrument during offering.
The devout Christians
They're mostly the elderly. They've prepared themselves before Sunday and will go to worship in their Fathers house.
The selective members
These ones will prepare on time but won't get to church until Sunday school is over or it's time for praise and worship.
The hot steppers
These ones can cause hold up when it's time for offering. They'll just saty at a spot on the line dancing or moving backward not minding the person behind them. Las Las, their offering no de pass #50.
The Mummy and Daddy G.O
These ones will turn to look at you when the minister mentions fraud, fornication, betting, womanizing. Pray they don't call you to advise you.
The anti-deliverance
These ones never flinch during deliverance. They're the weapon fashioned against pastors.
The lover boy/girl
These ones came looking for hookup or the bone of their flesh.
The business people
These ones are only concerned about selling their perfume, zobo, puff-puff, etc in church. They've forgotten about the okpa woman that Jesus showed shege at the temple.
The trouble makers
These ones came with fire and brimstone. Their mission is to change it for Usher Blessing that shook them awake while they were sleeping in their Fathers house.
Dance crew
These ones only came to dance and show of the new dance styles. They mostly belong in a group. Once the dance session is over, they either sleep, press phone or leave church.
The Revengers
That youth that never misses an opportunity to tap that elder that is about to doze off. Their target is the elder who always disturbs them.
Fashion police
These ones go to look at people's clothe. They never dress well but laugh at other people for dressing bad.
The ghost members
These ones sneak into church and disappear immediately after service without talking to anybody. They're mostly seated ath the back.
The betkings
Thess ones are always sneaking peaks at the Livescore page to check if Chelsea has defeated Tottenham so they'll know if their under 2.5 has entered.
The testifyers
These ones turn their testimony time to storytime and halfway in, will forget the main testimony. They'll sing like 5 hot songs only to say their testimony is that, "mosquito did not give them malaria".
The observers.
There's those who go to church to notice what everyone else does like myself. The main landlords of hell.
Finally, those who after reading this, will go to church tomorrow and begin to take note of the members of their church group.
So tell me, where do you belong?
Did I miss out any group?
Thank you for gracing this post.
Greetings!
You're indeed an observer, glad you included yourself there... But this was too thorough lol
I had to. Plus, I find myself in about two others.
Thank you for stopping by.
This girl!!!
Shey you nor go church go worship God, na observe you go dey observe how people dey do for church 😂
See as you list long... And I'm not out of it, I can find myself in about three of them 🥲
That children of darkness own weak me sha 😂 why will you call them children of darkness na... It's the fault of nepa people not theirs.
Oh how well I relate with the fashion police category 😂 those people want to fall me when I'm inside the church hall 🥲
Omo! No be my fault o. Na say characters too full my church😂
Them get light abi them no get light? Shey if you no dey where light de, where you go de? 😑
😂😂 Their eyes too bad. Then go make you feel like say you no wear clothe at all sef.
Lol funny
Well, you did well with the survey
Maybe you should go study a course like it 🤔
You've got a point. Maybe I should.
You really took time to observe different kinds of people in church gatherings and I am not surprised seeing my category which is the journalist 🤣🤣🤣 I make sure to jot anything down but I don´t remember to open the note throughout the week. Though, I read my Bible daily which cannot be avoided or ignored. Lol
The noisemakers.... When this happens because I have them in my church too, I would be like going to slap them 😂😂but some other times, they lit up the church.
Ah! Madam journalist, well-done Ma 😂
The feeling is mutual. I also enjoy their disturbance especially when it's beginning to get boring.
That is one advantage of having those set of people in Church 😅😅
Those who don't speak to you when you go, and when you don't go, send you greetings with someone else. 🙂
Oh! How did I miss this one. There are people like that😂
In that category I know a lot. I think they don't like me, but they do love the person with whom they send me regards 😌🙂
It seems like I'm the journalist and the revenger. But @cheeamaka you are too much you really deserve the title of being the observer. I see you already scored yourself a role in the afterlife. You will do well in writing the names and people's deeds in a judgment book😂😂
I take notes to keep focus when the pastor is preaching but it ends there until the next service. It's only when life gives me a hot slap then I scan through hoping to find relevant notes to my troubled heart.🙈
And the revenge part is the best especially when its a guilt-free one. I wait for that moment when the pastor say "Tell your neighbour..." I just go for a hard push or poke to wake them up.🤭😂
Interesting and funny observations✨💫🌺
Oh my! 😂😂
That's like the worst group. Atleast the others participate fully or not one way or another😂
I totally get this.
Ah ah! What is this?
You must really be something 😂
Your church sounds a lot more interesting than mine! Anybody caught dancing would be in line for an exorcism!
Yeah! My church is fun.
But wait! An exorcism? Really?
May I ask why and what church that is?
Ha, well, exorcism might (maybe) have been hyperbolic. There was timid, uncomfortable singing, but never any dancing. Dancing would have been considered improper, even immoral behavior. I was raised Baptist, but pretty much abandoned all church activities after reading the Bible.
Wow! Never knew things like these exist. But what can I say...
You may as well just focus on the Bible and humanity.
Hahaha 😂😂😂😂..... jeeez....I feel attacked lmao 😂😂😂😂
Where I belong is the anti-deliveramce section.. I won't flinch at all.... did you forget to mention those that will not receive anointing and yet fall like they were pushed...hehe
Let me tell you where you belong?.. those that there body dey pepper them....the observers haha but won't still laugh when a comedy is thrown at them.
I mentioned them. Check the tag 'the spirit filled'. I always never sit anywhere near those ones.
What is this nau? 😂
This one is counter attack. No be our fault o. Even joke no de funny again😂