It must be strange to outlive your mother. My mother was 47 and I'm 45 now. My oldest daughter turns 17 this year, which is the age I had when I lost my mother.
Kids of that age can't oversee all the things they do. They are still just kids, like you were back then although at 18 you're called an adult already.
I think you shouldn't feel guilty and I think your mother would have thought (or thinks) the same. But I also understand that this is hard for you to accept.
I hope it doesn't bother you too much and you have more good memories of your mom.
Thank you so much. I have mostly forgiven myself, but you know how there are moments when we start replaying memories in our minds—things we've done or haven't done, ways we may have hurt others, or wrongs we've committed. Sometimes, during those times, I remind myself that not visiting her was trauma speaking, and thankfully, I've mostly moved past it, except for when I start feeling depressed. I have a wonderful "family" in my Creative Work Hour friends, and I still have many good memories of her. I guess I was a mama’s boy, lol!
Forty-seven is such a young age for your mom to have passed away, and I am truly sorry you lost her when you were so young.
Good to hear you have peace with it (at leat, most of the times).
47 is way too young, but luckily I was old enough to have memories of her. Not everyone an say that.
Have a great Sunday.