(my open heart/ego/will center wrestling the pull to try rationalize and defend itself. lol.)
An understandable reaction, but there's absolutely nothing to rationalize or defend, I'm not here to attack or judge, just purely curious. ^^
Nothing sneaky, I literally just went like 'huh, I wonder what Rok thinks about this' as soon as I heard about that music and rhythm part. Because to me that part that music is color, is symbols, is ..I would also add.. movement.. makes all the sense intuitively.. and then even add the "Music i liquid architecture. Architecture is frozen music" bit.. and it's just.. alchemy.. all, everything is alchemy.. and magic :D 🤯
and am like 'wtf fuck this' as diving back into the earthly density.
Yeah.. I know. I had this (oh, what already some 8 years ago, sheesh) one very intense period of shifting between both polarities, like literally Heaven on Earth by day where the whole reality is shining, brimming with light, magic, and fullness of love and then crashlanding to a hellscape of viscerally feeling the abandonment of being cut off from that love by night.. where best I could do was lay in the bed and wish/will myself to die (with not a good success-rate I might add xD ).. It is also interesting, I probably have this somewhere in 'my contracts', that I'm not allowed to physically do anything to take my own life, but that if it was indeed that unbearable I can only 'wish/will myself to die', and if I'm not successful at it then apparently it wasn't THAT unbearable after all and that I CAN take more.
But yeah, the depression of knowing 'HOME' and being stuck in this soup.. is real. :D
But this whole experience has then also crystallized the purpose for me, which does not fit into 'this world's expectations of what a purpose should be', but it's to 'download' as much of 'HOME' into this realm as possible. But that's like,.. such a weird goal to think of it.. like how do you measure if you're being successful or not. How do you know if and how you should be doing something more or different.. that I'm not sure about yet. But I have some ideas of how I can lean in and improve in my 'mission'.
It's interesting with these NDE videos as well, they don't always flood my feed, but it feels like they appear only when I need reassurance. As they usually don't say anything I didn't already know/figure out before, they just come as confirmations.
~Josie~
It’s not really that compulsion to rationalize/defend to you, but either to myself or just in general… an expression of that constant battle within myself that gets reactivated whenever I think about it. Like thinking out loud on the matter in general.
The rest of that… you really do have a way with words sometimes… 💫