Goodbye Online Dating

in Self Improvement10 months ago

This might sound like a counterintuitive post to place in the Self Improvement Community, but for a long time, years actually, I've wondered why I put myself out there on dating sites. They worked pretty well for me when I lived in New England. Maybe New Englanders are just that weird that these sorts of overtures

doggo.jpg

Love Me

worked pretty well for them, too.

Or maybe I've grown more reclusive and less personable as I've spent the last seven years in rural Michigan.

In any case, online dating here is really bizarre. I-feel-like-an-Alien bizarre.


I once met a beautiful prison psychologist. We spent a fair bit of time writing on the dating app, then had a fantastic hours-long phone conversation before making plans to meet. She spent most of the date speaking in Eric Cartman's voice while making fun of her prison patients and yelling at drunk men who were just a weeee bit larger than me.

I've been kissed like a sibling. Which felt sad for both of us.

The straw that broke the camel's back was recently being broken up with multiple times, then told "I love you," all on the same day, by the same person, on the second date.


Of course, there have been been run-of-the-mill "guy experiences" too, which absolutely pale in comparison to what women experience. Where I write thoughtful messages and 19/20 times never get replies and feel sad, the women I do speak with let me know about the torrent of phalluses flooding their inboxes on a daily basis. Which, what the hell - guys. Guys.

I don't even know where to start.
How about, don't until she asks
which she likely won't
ever.


Once I heard online dating better described as "online meeting" or "online introducing," and for the life of me I wish I could remember who came up with these terms so I could give her the credit. But they're so apt; you write, exchange written basics or a little more, voice verify, and it might be a week/weeks until you are sitting down together and exchanging all 100% of the human spectrum of communication. Because until you're in person, you're lucky if you're getting 15-20%.

An old friend from high school, whenever she saw me, would give me these extraordinary hugs, breathe deeply through her nose and say I still smelled like me. There are a few people I recognize by their natural smells, but it's rare.

But forget the knock-you-over-the-head smells. Those pheromones. And facial expressions, body language, combined with vocal language. You know how you meet someone in person and just know there's enormous potential to explore?

Online dating strips all of that away. Anyone can write great things. Meet, and it's all upside down.

Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled for the successes people have had. I'm thrilled for the successes I have had. And I'm grateful for all the things I've learned about my own behaviors in dating, many of which I wouldn't have learned without online dating. It's honestly made me a better person.

It's just that I'm going to rely on old-school pheromones again. It'll probably take longer, but I'm good with that. There's anticipation in feeling less alien and more human.

Sort:  

I have never seen a photogenic penis and nutsack although I'd never say no to a photo of a pair of boobys so who am I to judge. Rule Number One NEVER EVER be yourself. Just creep their facebook and pretend you are interested in whatever they are into. 😀 😀. Tinder arrived too late for me but I would love to try it. But if it is found on my phone I am a dead man so I tend to steer clear being married and all.

If it's one thing (or maybe these are multiple things) I've learned about men and women, we do not always find the same things attractive, see the same things as compliments, find the same things interesting or humorous - AND MAN does it ever show when you're dating.

Lol thanks for the advice, I'll be sure to follow 😂

Let me know how trying Tinder goes if you ever try cheating death 😝

Uhhhhhhhh... Er ehm!
(In anime japanese voice)

Dating sites... The way you just spoke about them makes me want to try. Of course I've tried a couple of anonymous forums and sometimes it gets so fun we take it to WhatsApp. Hehe! I've gotten my own share of freaks and creeps but I've also met amazing people and we still spend a minimum of two hours on WhatsApp calls talking about misplaced bras and sudden heartbreaks.

The old way of meeting people sounds... Fun. I guess, just I can't say I know how to do that anymore. It's exhausting because it's not like you can just swipe left and block them forever. These ones leave a mark sometimes bad and other times good because you've met them and wether you like it or not, there's always something they leave behind. Perhaps that's why i stick to the virtual world. At least, I can swipe left!

Haha, truth be told, I'm not sure I know how to go about the old way of meeting people, either!

I don't mean to knock the area where I live (it's gorgeous and I love it), but I think a lot of my poor luck in recent years has a lot to do with my geography. Not very populated, the "the good people" in my age group are already married, and I find I don't have much in common with the singles I meet.

You're so right though. You can't swipe left or block people so easily outside of the virtual world.

I'm super happy for you that you've met such great people!

the good people" in my age group are already married, and I find I don't have much in common with the singles I meet.

Oh those in my age group are definitely single. Single and soooo immature. I don't know how some men can behave a lot like women... Wel, 15yo teens. Prefer those on a higher scale in age.

And thank you. Yes, at some point we'd meet them.

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