It is almost 1:00 in the morning and I am up still working. I am putting together a mock training event for Friday, that I will deliver to a group of colleagues to evaluate and decide whether I am suitable for a slightly different position. Well, it is quite different, but it is still a training gig, so after 20-odd years doing this kind of work, it isn't exactly outside of my wheelhouse these days.
Under normal circumstances I think I would be a shoo-in, however this year has been anything but normal for me and making this kind of shift will be a challenge, and they know it. I am kind of nervous about the interview process, however, it isn't over whether I get the job or not, it is because I will be delivering to people who do know this content well (I don't at all), but mostly because the last time they have had experience with me delivering, was prior to my stroke. They will recognize the difference immediately.
This shouldn't effect the outcome if I am still able to perform the tasks to a high enough standard and better in comparison to others, but this is not really the way the mind works. When we know someone who is reaching a high standard and then we notice them degrade in performance, that "loss" weighs heavily on opinion and will affect decisions. It is natural, ew all judge based on what we know and we tend not to like change, especially if we liked things as they were before.
It is an interesting mental conflict, as in general, we want to have changed experience for the better, yet at the same time, we are resistant to change. We tend to take a "better the devil you know" approach to our conditions and therefore, rely on our defaults.
The reason I am still working at this time on this is because it is outside of my own habits. While I normally do work at night on content creation for Hive, when it comes to something like an interview or delivery, I do the bare minimum planning and setup work I can. I have been able to "get away" with this because I have so much experience that with a miniscule amount of information, I can walk in and deliver with the audience being none the wiser. Nowadays though, I do not have the confidence to do this, so here I am, planning and prepping - like a school kid.
This would be somewhat of a sideways and slightly up position, but I don't actually care that much if I get the job or not, as I am not overly career-minded and the little extra salary will hopefully never be that significant in my life again. However, I do think that the change would be good for my mindset and perhaps even start to bring back some of my confidence, which has been lacking the last six months, which has an effect on many things.
Confidence matters and I don't derive mine from public opinion, I get it from my personal sense of ability to accomplish the tasks I need to do. However, I do take feedback from my surroundings, which is why when I notice people notice the degradation in my ability, it indicates that I am underperforming from my perspective of what a good performance is.
Shooting 5-over par would be a phenomenal performance for most golfers on earth, but it isn't near good enough for a professional golfer. I am not a golfer, but I am a professional delivery agent and consultant, just like many of us are professionals in what we do. Yet, the question is, are we professionals because we get paid for it, or because we are very good at what we are paid for?
I don't consider myself a professional writer yet I get paid to write. Nor do I think I m a professional gamer and I also get paid there. I am not a professional investor either, but similarly, I do earn. However, I am/ was very good at what I do at work and am able to add value to those around me also - this in my opinion makes me relatively professional - not because of my title, but because of what I deliver consistently.
The process of consideration about whether I want a new job or not has been interesting, as I have gone through phases of yes and no. What has been the most interesting perhaps is that for the first time in my 30 year work history, money didn't come into the equation at all. That said, if I do change - I won't turn more money down. What is the most important part of this decision is perhaps for the first time, my physical and mental wellbeing, which is a refreshing change and one that should have perhaps come earlier - but bills need to be paid - as do debts.
Because of this considered situation now, get or don't get, this is a win for me, as I have realized that I am getting to a point in my life where my financial situation is at a point that I can breathe without having to worry about the cost of air. It is far from secure yet, but at least I know that there are more ways to earn a crust than work my ass into the dust doing things I do not like. Luckily for me, I also like what I do as a professional so don't mind working hard - well, except the preparation and organization parts of it.
I prefer gameday.
Well, I did.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Late nights grinding it's the only way forward and you'll be rewarded for it in time. Keep up the great work mate
Lucky I am a night owl - just a pity people expect me to get up in the morning :D
Hahaha I have that sameeee issue. These little humans so inconvenient 🤣
Good luck! I wonder if your not being heavily invested in getting the job will effect your performance, for the better. You sure got right back up on the writing horse, I remember that.
It might do. Desperation isn't attractive or a good place to negotiate from.
Change for mindset and confidence, a good reason to explore new avenues. Looking back when I had to step out of my comfort zone from floor ops to office to supervisor, I think it was all about prepping for the biggest change in life, retirement. At the time I was not really thinking about retirement, I knew it was on the horizon, but like you illness hit, I was simply not ready to roll over and start drooling, so changing mindset was not an easy thing especially going from floor ops to office ops mostly due to my attitude and other coworker attitudes to the office staff. I got over it, and started the study and prep like you, and in the end found it to be pretty fun and satisfying. We can sometimes be our own worse enemy when it comes to change.
Did you carry the floor attitude into the office with you - and were your "ex-colleagues" able to accept you in the new role?
It was a different job, so no I did not carry my floor attitude with me. I did see and understand in just a few days my previous biases. Surprisingly my ex-coworkers thought I did a much better job than the previous person and they did accept me in my new role rather quickly. When I advanced to being a supervisor, they did seem to respect me in that job also.
I think this is common(ish) as you became a bridge between, understanding both sides, being a voice for both.
I worked with a guy who was brilliant at both his floor position and then in a supervisory role, but it took him about two years to be accepted as supervisor.
I wish you luck and hope you get it. I think the change will be good, especially when you don't have the old Taraz to compare yourself to. Now, you will be you and the path you forge will be yours, not some ghost that is following you around.
Of course, I don't mean that in a mean way, it may take some of the stress off you.
The "ghost of me" is definitely hanging about, but I hope as I ramp into other things, the presence will fade :)
Sometimes I avoid saying anything after reading your reflective pieces. You poke on too much I can relate with and being that I tend to lean into sound perspectives, I can feel myself sucked into your thoughts.
Change stands between me and what I want. Yet I often find myself comprising everything I know I deserve with that 'better the devil you know' attitude. Financial freedom contributes a whole lot to my unseen pain and so I am trying to keep this bullet vest on as I seek for my 'this kinda freedom.'
Content fodder for you :)
A lot of stress surrounds our financial health, because we live in a world that pretty much demands payment in some shape or form. Building that foundation to cover basics makes a difference and I hope more are able to work toward that.
This reminds me of something similar to what I've read before: "Success is doing less of the things that you don't like to do". I'm happy for you that you have more options now, and you also like your profession!
But there are always things that are not a lot of fun, but must be done! :)
I think the second, that we are very good at what we are paid. We add value what we do at work, here or anywhere therefore we get paid. Otherwise, even if you are professional, you should prove it. How? By adding value
a professional has to be able to be consistent (to some degree) regardless of the conditions. Sunshine, wind, rain, snow - variance should be low. Tempered with doing things that are valuable to others, and a paid profession forms.
Eternal question XD At one stage it seemed to be some combination of getting paid and how long for (despite having at it for over two decades I'm not a professional artist because I don't get paid). With writers you get more complicated because I remember at one stage you were "professional" if you were published, but then when self-publishing became a more common thing the goal posts moved so I think now you're only "professional" (though they seem to like "published" over professional? I'm not sure I've been out of that loop forever) if you've got physical books published by some recognised publishing house.
I think the "professional" goalposts there will keep moving, guess it's a bit more straightforward in most other things? XD
Yay nice :D
This is an interesting time for "professions" since everyone in nearly everything can "self-publish" regardless of whether they earn or not. I can start a business and call myself CEO on a business card, but that doesn't mean I am getting paid like the CEO of Apple.
By the amount of paper you publish you could be, by the quality of your writing you should be! :)
one day, someone will edit and publish the better parts :)
@tipu curate
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 61/81) Liquid rewards.
Thank you!
That shows how reliable a hard-working person should be because there will definitely be a reward for such people someday with their goods deeds towards achieving success which is through hardwork.
I think things go well because I plan for the future. In the past I didn't much, and things were far worse. From my own experience observing various people (so it is anecdotal), those who spend their time telling others to live in the present, tend to struggle with and complain about the present conditions the most. Perhaps if they planned ahead a bit, their future present would be less painful.
You seem to be confused about how life is lived. Life can only be lived in the moment. However, it can only be written about from the perspective of the past or speculation on the future.
You are a consumer of a lot of content. Is that living, or is it avoidance of the moment being lost in the past and futures of other people?
If content creation is past and future based and a person spends all their time consuming that - is it really living life in the moment?