There is no reason for the image in this post, other than there was a cat in the last and I thought it would be nice to have some balance - equal opportunity and all that. I like this image though, just I like the one of the cat and both have come from quite different original versions and countries. The cat was in Amsterdam about eight years ago, the dog below is from Belgrade in Serbia, and it followed me as I rushed back to the hotel so I didn't miss my flight. It was the last photo I took on the trip.
I had an interesting call with a colleague today who was asking about how I am doing with my recovery and inquiring as to my thoughts on the future. She is my ex-supervisor and now someone I consider a friend, but she actually asked HR out of interest, what she is allowed to ask from me legally. I told here (and she knew) that I am quite open about these things, but as a people leader herself, she wanted to know where the lines were. It seems that as I was already employed by the company, I am pretty well protected and it is the company's responsibility to find me work that facilitates my health. That is good to know.
What she was really asking about though was what kinds of things are different for me since the event and how I am managing in general. One of the issues I have is that previously I was confident that I could wing just about any situation on any topic, but now I am far less gung-ho than before. As I have mentioned here I think, it is a little like coming back after knee surgery to play a sport, uncertain how much pressure it can take.
I have been training for so many years and have so much experience now, that even without having anything formal, my training methodology and structure was more like breathing. It was unconscious. I didn't know what I was doing, I just did it and, I got the results required. Rather than unconscious competence, now I am acutely aware in each moment that I am severely limited, in my opinion. From the outside looking in, I am probably average or above in skill in comparison to many others, as I haven't lost all my understanding or ability, it is just that there are now far more gaps and cracks to get stuck in.
As I said the other week, I am considering having a look if there is something else internally (I like the company I work for) that I am suited for, even though I like my current position and colleagues. I figure that while I can no longer trust the processes built from my past experience, this might be an opportunity to reformulate myself and build a new structure into my approach.
At the moment I feel like I have lost something, but if I were to move into something I didn't have much of, the expectations I place upon myself would also change and I wouldn't feel like I am not good enough, as I definitely won't be in the beginning phases anyway. This means I can be "even easier" on myself as I more systematically rebuild competence in a new area, pivoting what might be a difficult position toward a healthier change as part of my rehab.
Not only this, there isn't that much risk in doing this now, since I do have company support and in a worse case scenario, I would likely get bumped back to where I am now anyway. On top of this, while I do still need to work, I don't need to work for a payrise, since if required, I do have other income sources, like my business activity and a crypto last resort. It is not that I wouldn't want an increase in salary of course, but that needn't be the driving force behind my decision, which means that regardless of salary, I can make decisions that are best for me.
However, as I was saying to my colleague, "best for me" also means providing value to others, whether it be internal or external stakeholders. As a trainer, I tend to want people I train to walk away with significant improvement that makes our time together worth it for both of us. It is part of the trade, where there is a win-win scenario and we both get something we need of value. Part of what I receive from this kind of outcome is that I get the sense that my skills are being used in a way that matters and because of that, my work is appreciated enough that I also get rewarded. Everyone wants "rewarding work" and there are plenty of potential jobs for it, but in general it is about making a positive difference in someone's life.
For me, I dislike the feeling of being a burden on anyone, which is part of the reason I have a difficult time asking for help. Through most of my life, I have struggled and chosen to power through, rather than seek out support, even from people I know who would be very willing to lend a hand of support. As I was saying to my colleague, one thing that holds me back from doing anything professionally at the moment is, the sense that I will let others down by not being able to provide what is asked of me. While I wing it, I am not really a "fake it til you make it" kind of person, I prefer to own my skills and investigate my weaknesses so that I can estimate the boundaries.
What I do like about the current circumstances though, is that it has forced me to evaluate so much of my life and habit, that I am going to have to go back to the drawing board on many things, giving me the change to correct past conditioning errors. I have accepted that I will never get back to what I was, but that doesn't have to be an entirely bad things, as in some ways, I might have the change to help myself and improve so that I am better.
I should probably treat the new me more as a client than someone I have lived my whole life with - perhaps I will get some perspective and more leeway for the time, energy and mistakes it will take to improve.
"Be kind to yourself" is easier said, than done.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
You certainly look above average on the outside, so I can relate to how it must feel for you. Just take things in stride and do what is best for you going forward. I personally think you can still handle your business in the office based on my perception of you over these couple of years, but you definitely decide and know better.
Some part of me is saying I should just pretend I am fine and do what I can, the other is saying - quit!! :D
It's good to be able to readjust things at your company. I was able to do that twice in my previous company and it's a remarkable thing to go through. Hopefully you don't get screwed over in the end like I did LOL that was a pain.
I think it's important to be able to make adjustments to ourselves, personally and professionally, in search of just a sense of importance in our careers. We can do things one way but we may not always be able to do them that way. I think it's important to do some reflection when we can, to try and see what things can be adjusted and how.
I'm grateful for what I did in my previous role. I had a goal and I strived for it. I learned many things along the way and have been able to completely reshape what I do for work but my underlying drive and competencies have been able to lead me in my direction which is good. I think had I not done that, we would have been in a difficult spot many times in our lives. Having second and third avenues of potential success is huge in this market nowadays, I think.
What happened?
And I think it is going to get to be even more powerful, especially since from a young age, people are going to have the potential to participate economically online.
I carried my team and did 75% of their work but when some stupid stuff happened that was out of my control, my manager and director didn't support me at all in favor of their career instead. Not trying to fluff my own balls about it but once people found out I was leaving, the vast majority were like "what are we going to do without you?......" lol It came down to not about the work that I did and contributed every day but politics and bullshit that shouldn't make a damn difference. Oh well it threw me out of my comfort zone into what I think might end up being a much better experience for me so things happen for a reason!
Yeah, I think the economic community online is a massive point of opportunity. Look what we have going here on Hive for example!
Neat perspective from the middle of a transition. I see so many people leaning into their traumas and using them as a crutch rather than rehabbing the damage.
You have the wisdom to accept the things that are and leverage the challenges as new ways to get out of your comfort zone, where the real progress is made.
It is nice to see the organization stay engaged and want to play a part in your well-being for sure.
I will have to read back to see what the event is but I can tell it will lead you to bigger and better things.
Some people even embellish to turn slights into traumas these days. A lot of victims out there.
Finland is pretty good in this regard by law, but I have been surprised at how good the company and my colleagues have been. For most of the time I have lived here though, I have been largely a freelancer working for myself, so haven't had the option of some kind of safety net like this.
I had a stroke and although relatively mild, it has had some pretty profound effects on my capabilities.
Oh man that is heavy!
I suppose surviving that alone is a stroke of luck and a great accomplishment. You have always been a thought leader here and feel if anyone can turn this into a positive, individually and otherwise, it is you.
Here to help any way I can man!
I will never be in a position to understand this internal restructuring you are doing. I assume we are of similar age bracket and I can certainly tell, based on my experience, that at one point in professional career we do need to go back and resketch the parameters. It is healthy to understand that we cannot do everything the way we used to.
Your situation is a bit different where you are somehow coerced by situation to adapt. Having said that, you may have had to do the same restructuring irrespective of that :)
So, be kind to yourself. Let things go relax a bit. You have so many other things to provide value with your experience and muscle memory. My comment is based on the information you have shared and it is definitely limited.
I think it is healthy to do this in small ways regularly, but it is difficult when it is all at once and by circumstance, made even harder.
Yes, but I think many of us who aren't consistently improving and pivoting will be "coerced" at some point, because demanded skills change, industries come and go. If we don't have a process to develop and adapt, we will get left behind eventually.
I wish I had a little more muscle memory to fall on! :D
Yes, that's what I was referring to. I am already thinking of how I should update on the policy work to capture what is happening around the world in terms of new trending skills that can make me relevant.
You have more muscle memory than you can realize. It will get activated once you start mapping your mental strength :)
The main thing is to choose the path that pays you rather than you been stock over something that would take your precious time
At this point in my life, money doesn't mean that much in this regard. So unless it pays in my ability to improve and become more valuable as a person, it probably isn't worth it.
Through most of my life, I have struggled and chosen to power through, rather than seek out support...
I am the same. What I have achieved till today is thanks to my powering through in life. Well, there were not more people willing to lend a hand of support to me anyway.
I don't like that kind of person who is a burden on anyone. We have a phrase;
If you have a nail, then you can scratch your head.
Which means that do not wait support from someone before getting into something.
Friend, I hope that the decision you make in the future is the best for your work and personal life, successes ...
Nice, i like this your story.
Like you said you will never go back to what you were which I agree because the past can't change the future rather we go to for a better choice to gets better rewards