You can do anything - and other lies

in Self Improvement2 years ago

A moment ago, I was talking to @galenkp about the various challenges of starting in a new role that requires learning new things, but as an experienced employee having to prepare for what is coming faster and, still take care of the tasks and transition from the old position. It is a little hectic. But, starting any new job or skill comes with these kinds of issues where we can feel we are floundering out at sea, unable to keep head above water for long enough to take a deep breath.

I used the example of a memory that I have of learning to drive, where pulling up to a corner I had to use the brakes, the gears, the clutch and indicate all at the same time and it felt that there was no room to do it all. Yet, after a couple times driving it became comfortable and not too far down the track, unconscious - the bundle of tasks and considerations that felt too complex to learn, were now thoughtless habits.

Does this mean we can do anything?

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It is a nice notion to believe we are unbound and I do tell my daughter that there is a lot of opportunity for her to do all kinds of things, but I am actually quite careful not to say, "she can do anything - because she can't. And the older we get and the more experience we have, the less range we are going to have - which is strange in some way, as we are learning and understanding more. However, like my brother said he was pondering lately in regards to his own current circumstances, have all the things he has done in his past professionally, led him to where he is today and the answer is, yes.

For example, if I was going to change jobs tomorrow, it is highly unlikely that I have the possibility to be a brain surgeon, a marine welder or a point guard for the Chicago Bulls. Why? well, even if I did study these things or was interested, aptitude matters and while perhaps I might have had the possibility to be a brain surgeon at the point I was born, all of the decisions I have made since have taken that opportunity off the table. But, even when I was a kid and no matter how much I practiced and wanted it, the point guard position will never be mine, because not only was I never going to be 6'6", I would also be competing against people who are both highly skilled and do have the right body type.

So, if I was going to change position tomorrow, I am bound by my experience, my skills and aptitude to learn more. I am not a blank slate now based on my experiences through life, and I wasn't a blank slate at birth based on my genetics and as such - I can't do anything.

Sure, I can attempt a lot of things, but even this is going to depend on accessibility to opportunity and resources to be able to do so. No individual can dictate who their parents are, or the type of government or culture they are born into, and these things are going to affect our possibilities - so even if we were blank slates at birth - from the moment we are born, the restriction on our potential begins.

For me, I never had parents that said I could "be anything I wanted" as they were preoccupied by the time I was old enough, and I am actually quite glad about it. This allowed me the space to take some responsibility and explore my world, having experiences that have heavily informed where I am today. This includes all of the negatives circumstances too, but I feel that they are easier to accept when I recognize myself as the cause or at least, an influencing factor on them. But of course, I also understand that just like I couldn't choose my parents, my own agency and opportunity is luck-based also.

I do wonder however if by instilling this sense of "I can do anything" into our children we are doing more harm than good, as we set expectations and assumptions that essentially set them up for failure. Failure is good and as I was explaining to a group of mine the other day, doesn't actually exist, other than conceptually. For instance, a baby that is learning to walk doesn't see itself as a failure when she falls over and stops trying, she just gets back up and keeps going. It is only later that "failure" becomes an emotional problem, because we associate "non-completion" as a failure and a reason for why we can't.

But, this doesn't mean that failure doesn't inform and direct us to what we can do and as we experience our world, we find what we are capable of, what we struggle with, what we like and what we don't enjoy - starting to create bias of direction, as our skills mount up, and our fears. In short order, our potential is severely limited on so many levels, that changing course to a high degree can become almost an insurmountable feat.

Having said this though, our ability to attempt is valuable as it is like a form of hope, a reason to do different than we did today, looking for a better result tomorrow. I might only be able to "be" 100 things out of a million options, but I am able to improve in those areas and find all kinds of practical and meaning value along the way.

But, we tend to focus on what we don't have than what we do, which means that regardless of how proficient we are in one area, we are likely to feel how much we lack in others. And if we have that "I can be anything" attitude, there are always going to be far more things we can't be, than what we can. In many ways, this is just like a consumer mentality, where no matter how much we have, what "pains" us is the not having.

From my perspective at least, I am willing to accept that I am severely limited in aptitude, but this is not an excuse to not improve what I can improve. Rather than focus on the near million things out of my reach, I am trying to get better at pulling in what is with it and who knows, perhaps a small step here and there, leads to somewhere I wasn't ever expecting to go. After all, it has happened many times before in the past.

That is how I ended up here today.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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I think that's a good attitude. I honestly think one of the big problems today comes from people who were taught to “do what they enjoy doing.” I know I was taught that when I was a kid. If you find a job that you enjoy, it never feels like working. The problem is that we actually need to make money. The best we can hope to do is find a job that we don't hate, that we can make money at, and that we are capable of doing. That's a tough lesson to learn. You really can't do everything.

“do what they enjoy doing.”

This is also a problem because often, to do the things we enjoy, there are a whole lot of things that are needed as support that we won't enjoy. Nothing is "standalone" in skill development. On top of this, if there are things that we enjoy, in order to keep doing it we have to maintain in other areas, meaning we don't enjoy that part of it or, too much of the enjoyable will degrade us in ways that are not enjoyable. All of life is a spectrum of experience and we can't control much of it, if any.

That's a good point. Unless you're running a hot dog stand or a banana stand or something, you're going to need to learn some other skills in order to do what you enjoy. Nobody teaches you that.

I love your post! I particularly picked up something from the part where you said you tell your daughter that she can do a lot of things but avoid saying she can do "anything" because really.. she can't.

One thing she can do is give good hugs. As her uncle I can attest to that, although I've not had anywhere near as many as I'd like.

Lol... Sending the both of you lots of hugs from here!

It is good inspire, but be somewhat realistic too :)

You mean to say she "can" do anything?
I don't totally understand.

No, she definitely can't do anything, none of us can. But, if we pay attention to what we can do and work in those areas, we can do a fair bit.

Yeah.. I totally agree.

I like to attack you with some religious blah blah from time to time, so I’ll do it again :D

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

1 Cor 6, 12

I like to attack you with some religious blah blah from time to time, so I’ll do it again :D

lol - fair enough!

In the world we live in, do you think people are abiding by that? Seems to me, people want to be ruled and have law imposed upon them - perhaps that way, they don't have to decide what is "right" for themselves.

In the world we live in, do you think people are abiding by that? Seems to me, people want to be ruled and have law imposed upon them - perhaps that way, they don't have to decide what is "right" for themselves.

I think so. It's easier to let other decide for you, at least that is what we as a society have been formed to. The whole covid situation is the best example that for half or more than half of the Europen societies there's probably no limit as to how far they can go in letting the state take responsibility over their lives.

Going back to your post, you mentioned that today we live in a world which tries to make us believe we can do anything. And I think that the last few decades did a lot of good in that matter, and I know that my possibilities in various areas are much better than possibilities of my parents and their parents. At the same time it's funny that in a world where you can do anything and become anyone, what we see is a mass uniformization of everything and everyone, and almost half of the kids would like to become YouTubers in the future. That's quite nothing for everything.

You touch on so many things here that run through my mind far too often and the one that worries me perhaps the most is,

what we see is a mass uniformization of everything and everyone, and almost half of the kids would like to become YouTubers in the future.

This homogenization of thought and culture lowers our resistance to broad control, which is why I think this happens to a large degree:

there's probably no limit as to how far they can go in letting the state take responsibility over their lives.

and I know that my possibilities in various areas are much better than possibilities of my parents and their parents

This is being lost on many and instead of taking hold of the opportunities we have, we complain about the opportunities we don't and how unfair it is.

This is being lost on many and instead of taking hold of the opportunities we have, we complain about the opportunities we don't and how unfair it is.

I believe I am somewhat younger than you (I am mid 20s) and I think a large part of my generation are people that are mentally very weak and unable to endure the hardships of life.

And no surprise, the mainstream culture constantly feeds us with a vision of a world where everything is better. I'm not saying that the world shown in mass media is perfect and without problems—contrary, it's a world that is very much troubled, but filled with superheroes who have to save it time and time again, and everyone has such a special role in this grand scenario... So people live their normal lives feeling it is demeaning, and they start to look for ways to add some meaning... Maybe become yet another activist? Or start shitstorming in the Internet? Or maybe start going after those pesky anti-vaxxers who destroy our society, or find those freaking fascists who would like to be able to take care of their families without the state interfering (sic!).

There's much less films, series, books and shows about how important it is to take care of the world around you, your family and close neighbors, and stop trying to save the entire world all the time.

Opportunities are everywhere, we just have been taught not to take advantage of them.

I have almost two decades on you :)

and everyone has such a special role in this grand scenario...

Yes and people feel that they should too, so dive into something that gives them meaning

So people live their normal lives feeling it is demeaning, and they start to look for ways to add some meaning... Maybe become yet another activist?

And this is where it ends up - much like a religion would have provided in the past, all of these causes or consumer activities give people a sense of accomplishment that is meeting something outside of themselves. Being "part" of the world, while not actually doing much of use at all.

There's much less films, series, books and shows about how important it is to take care of the world around you, your family and close neighbors, and stop trying to save the entire world all the time.

I actually think this is where the crypto economy is going to start to fill a gap, as it will incentivize not just global activity for reward, but serving locally for win-win scenarios.

I actually think this is where the crypto economy is going to start to fill a gap, as it will incentivize not just global activity for reward, but serving locally for win-win scenarios.

Agree, although I think we are yet to see major implementation of blockchain into local communities. Although I know there are already some projects with city-tokens in the USA etc.
But also Hive is the best example that the normal life can be valuable and exciting too – here on Hive we have people simply sharing their lives and being rewarded for it! Let's see more of that :)

I believe we can do more than we think. True. We cannot do any and everything, but fear severely limits our potential. Most folks underperform their true potential. But we also must accept our limitations and focus on our real abilities. Enjoyed.

yeah, we can all do more - yet most of us don't - while believing we could if we wanted to :)

I may never learn to program, and I am sure in my learning process there will be set-backs and failures. I have after all tried over the course of the last several years to learn a little bit pf programing. Just because I want does not make it so.

I may never be a developer, but that is not what I am really striving for. The I/you can be/do anything you want really does set people up for failure, and the view people take of failure is not a very good one. I will learn something, already have actually, and I will fail over and over again, but that failure is part of the learning process.

I know I will never be President of the USA, but that does not mean I can not be President of the local book club chapter, or start my own thing where I am the President.

I wonder if part of the challenge with it is that we have access to so much information sourced and cherry-picked globally, that we see all this amazing stuff, thinking it is normal. We then feel like we should be able to do more, becaue it seems like *everyone else is - even though those people are outliers.

For me it is mostly to keep the mind active, entertainment has really gone down hill, even reading material is in short supply for me, and games well I have not felt like buying any new ones lately.

I know I'll never be a programmer or a doctor, but I can still fail to be come one and walk away happy.

The beginning and the end of all those bell curves not everyone fits in the middle of them.

I completely agree. It reminds me a lot of Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. That's a whole book of examples where things outside of people's control contributed significantly to whether they were successful in their pursuits. Even crazy things like the month you're born can change what is possible.

Yeah, I remember something about the month ice hockey players were born affected their chances of getting into the NHL because of who they played as juniors.

In my way I look at things differently. Yes you are 100% correct that we cannot do anything, but each of us are born with different talents and it is our responsibility to develop them. Sadly you will find a person that could be an excellent pilot working as bank clerk and very unhappy in his job. There are millions of such forced circumstances and for instance I had a friend that was the CEO of one of the biggest companies here. His parents forced him to study accountancy at varsity and he hated it for most of his life. Now that he is retired he has become an artist, as that was his true talent.

Thankfully you are a good parent and you keep a keen eye on smallsteps. Rest assured that you will help her to discover her own true talents.

Yes, it comes down to opportunity availability of course, but I also wonder if had the opportunity to become a pilot presented, would the person have taken it? Having the potential for it and having the ability to take the opportunity are different things.

I just hope Smallsteps learns enough to find her own way :)

Nope, the person will think that his current employment (that he hates) is better as he has to cover his bond and his debts. How do I know? Because I was in that same situation a few times in my life.

Then of course age makes a difference, as I found what I always wanted to do and when a person came and offered me a big dollar package to go and manage his cobalt mine in the Congo, he was mightily surprised that I refused the offer. I started Papillon at the time and I am still at Papillon, until I die.

So the lesson to do what one loves are learnt at various stages of our lives and sadly so many never learn it.

I think the "we can do anything" stuff is borne out of the college mindset where people are told they can do anything they want as long as they study long and hard enough for it! ..and spend lots of money at the college in the process. It's not necessarily that wrong but I think it's not accurate. We all have things we definitely can't do and shouldn't spend time trying to do but it's finding the information and courage to figure out what is something one can't do is what gets a little tricky.

I think it would be good to phrase it like "you have lots of possibilities" or something along the lines. Not as sexy for sure but it's true that we certainly do!

I think the "we can do anything" stuff is borne out of the college mindset where people are told they can do anything they want as long as they study long and hard enough for it!

And be anything they want. A lot of misguidance and misunderstanding comes out of "the best education" money can buy.

Maybe it isn't as sexy, but it entertains the idea of limitation, which means alternatives - it is less open, therefore more practical and usable.

Nice writeup...I think it's high time people get told the real truth about life. Although so many believe that the phrase 'you can do anything' is a high form of motivation...I believe that knowing your limitations would give you a clearer picture of life and enable you focus greatly on your strength getting the best out of it.

I believe that knowing your limitations would give you a clearer picture of life and enable you focus greatly on your strength getting the best out of it.

I agree and just commented similarly before this one :)
Test the boundaries, see where there are holes, explore, but know - you can only ever go so far in a lifetime, so choose the path well.

It's almost as bad as the lie "you are perfect just the way you are!" No, I'm not. I'm deeply flawed. I make mistakes and fail sometimes. It's best to have a correct view of myself, I have value because I am human, but I'm not perfect. I can't do everything.

It's almost as bad as the lie "you are perfect just the way you are!"

Another pet hate!

"You are meant to love me no matter what"

BS

I want to be my best, not supported to stay at my worst.

The older we get, the more ability we lose. Therefore, everything has a specific time to realize for us. It is not impossible, but would be so difficult to turn back and start something from scratch.

For me, changing department even in the same company would be somewhat a challenge. New work, new co-workers etc...

Perhaps you would surprise yourself with the change, and once made, would welcome it :)

But yes, everything has a time to live, and an end to die.

One of my friends did it and regret :)

Brilliant and inspiring. I'd always heard the phrase "you can do anything" but reading your piece on it brings enlightenment especially from the point of view that we are limited to the hand life deals us.

... from the moment we are born, the restriction on our potential begins.

Imagine being born into an environment where all resources are available, then a person can be told 'he can do anything'.

but do all resources include all genetic resources? I think it is impossible - one can't be both tall and short simultaneously :)

Great Insights again, true we can't be anything. And it is probably more harmful advice. But also I feel there is a see-saw effect about this aspect that needs to be balanced. Too much weight on either side can make things go haywire. At times we need to stop being limited and at others being explorative. Thanks for sharing. 😊

Yeah, I know parents who have raised their children to believe they will never be the best at anything, so why try. That is counterproductive and harmful too.

the older we get and the more experience we have, the less range we are going to have

I am not a blank slate now based on my experiences through life, and I wasn't a blank slate at birth based on my genetics and as such

Truly something to think about, something many people don't understand. We all have a handful of traits hardwired into us at birth. And chances are that we will be working or at least invested in some of these traits years and decades after. We truly are finite.

Our finitism as people makes what we believe about the universe, look quite juvenile :)

our ability to attempt is valuable as it is like a form of hope, a reason to do different than we did today, looking for a better result tomorrow

Indeed, when the first step is taken, the part becomes clearer. Is either you see the challenge that you need to overcome to make the next step or the pathway to place the next leg becomes clear. In the end, you will have a new lesson, unravel an unknown potential and the likes.

And that lesson leads to the next learning opportunity - and who knows what we learn there :)

But, this doesn't mean that failure doesn't inform and direct us to what we can do and as we experience our world, we find what we are capable of, what we struggle with, what we like and what we don't enjoy - starting to create bias of direction, as our skills mount up, and our fears. In short order, our potential is severely limited on so many levels, that changing course to a high degree can become almost an insurmountable feat.

Yeah experience sometimes shows us our potential and bring us to reality of what we can do as we gradually grow up with age. Sametime we loss interest in what we are used to initially we are limited on some stuff.

The loss of interest isinteresting :)

I know people who spend their whole life, chasing the desires they had as children- it seems sad to me.

Lol... Such is life

I think it all falls into being capable to do anything and not having the capacity to do it, as humans we need to understand the difference between both.

Right now I feel like I have youth on my side and I could probably do anything but do I have the means to do most of these things, nope and self awareness of this fact is very essential.

I think even if you had the means, you are still going to be directed by your genetics or, the way you think and the things you like. Some things will be impossible for you, even though physically you could do it.

This is very true, and I think the realization of this helps a lot in planning and decision-making.

Dear @tarazkp , Should you change your current job?

I only started this one a week ago :)

I only started this one a week ago :)

You mean you moved to a new job a week ago?😦

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Oh I like your post!

Wow
I really love the fact that aside from actually making a good point out of " i can do anything" you also balanced the information so that people understand and don't get confused.

M inspired
Love it