We are all on our own journey, all of us on different paths, as we experience what life has to offer. We meet people along the way, some who just come into our lives for a short period and others who will stick around for the long haul.
As we grow, some people grow with us, whilst others find it more difficult, for various reasons.
I have a very close friend, whom I care about dearly. She is an amazing person and friend. I really enjoy her company, most of the time. Unfortunately she has a problem with alcohol. It really changes her behaviour and she goes from someone who is usually very attentive, to someone who just forgets what it means to listen to others.
She also gets super emotional and puts herself down a lot, whenever she drinks.This happens at the end of the day and I find it really difficult to see her like this. The following day, she sometimes has no recollection of what happened and this scares me to be honest.
I have tried to talk to her about it, but she sees alcohol as something that helps her come out of her shell and if she isn't drinking she thinks she is boring. Which is so far from the truth.
I feel, that what it really boils down to, is her lack of self confidence. I don't really drink that often and if I do, I might have one or two beers, but that's it.
I just don't really enjoy the way it makes me feel, especially the next day. And right now my focus is on staying strong and healthy.
When beer was first brewed, it was for medicinal reasons, but we have moved far away from that now. I have thought about, trying my hand at making medicinal beers, another little project that awaits, once I move onto land that I know I will be staying on.
It's not easy seeing someone you care about, hurt themselves in such a way. I also know, that unless she really wants to do something about it, then nothing is going to change.
There have been times, where she has stopped for a few weeks at a time, but she always returns to alcohol. I guess, it is like a prop for her. I know she has also lost friends in the past, because of her drinking.
Like I said, I have spoken to her a few times already. At the end of the day, honesty is so important. I have tried to explore different ways, that would help to boost her confidence, but there is usually a reason/excuse why each suggestion, I make is not taken on.
I get it, it's her journey not mine and perhaps there is still some lesson she needs to learn.
I really don't know how far I should go with this. Should I just accept her for who she is and watch her continue to drink or do I begin to use a few lessons in tough love.
I really don't like telling people what to do, we have spend way too much time, being dictated to. At the end of the day, we all have to be allowed to make our own decisions. But when they are so self destructive, should we really just sit back?
I have tried, I just don't know if I should keep trying. I write so much about how important it is to accept people for who they are, that it is not our job to change anyone.
So I feel stuck, I don't want to end up pushing her away, because I keep talking about it, but I also don't want her to end up harming herself or anyone else. She has been known to drive, when she has been intoxicated.
This is also something I have spoken to her about. Because then she is putting other people in danger.
I writing this in the hope, that maybe someone can offer me some advice and also because when I write I some times come with solutions myself. But this is someone else's journey and it is up to them, to find the solution when they are ready, no?
My stepfather was an alcoholic who believed in abusing my favourite girl and was a part showing his love for her. It made me dislike drinking irresponsibly from such a young age.
One of my closest kin struggles with alcohol intake too. Like you, I have tried everything. The speaking. The abandoning ship. The get help approach. But still, nothing is working.
The irritating bit with my end is that a few years back, she had everything going for her. Then she got herself in a relationship with a dehumanising idiot and down the hill, she went.
Please know that you are not alone and that this is always their decision to act on. You have done your part 💚
It is really hard to stand by the sideline and try so hard and see loved ones get hurt. I rather try not to think about it and I rather try not to understand.
Is it bad to not wanna understand peoples pain? Nobody wants to be an alcoholic..
My father is a good man and did many good things in life
But that man is slowly rotting away now.
I agree with it is really hard to stand by the sidelines but I also know that for there to be authentic change, the will needs to born in the person abusing alcohol or any other drug too.
Isn't sad that life can be so unkind to some minds that peace seems like it can only be found deep in a beer bottle?
Yeah it is.. I really wish those people could somehow heal themselves
Thank you my friend. I am so sorry to hear how alcohol has impacted your life. That is really full on. I can understand why you dislike those who drink irresponsibly.
It really does have such a horrible effect on some people. Sending you love xxxx
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Thank you for the support xxx
This is so beautiful ❤️
Thanks xx
for me, keep supporting her to stop drinking alcohol. make her feel that you will never leave her just like what people did, that you will listen to her rants, that u will understand her. sometimes, being drunk or addicted into something is the key on how we can reach the happiness. but that one was changing when there are someone who's always willing to listen to us and the one who can cry to. i hope she stop drinking soon. stay with her
It is hard to turn your back on someone who is struggling, I really hope she chooses to stop xxx
Me, being the daughter of an alcoholic would say that it is really sad and sometimes there is nothing you can do, I honestly mostly prefer to close my eyes for the facts because I can't change a thing and feeling hurt doesn't help.
I don't know if your friend is just too insecure and only drinks too much in company or a real alcoholic like my dad as well, but I think it is good to try to let her realize how you see it and how others see it. Does she plan to have a view beers in company and then drinks more than planned or does she drink on a daily base?
She might think that she has power over her drinking behaviour like "I can stop whenever I want but I just don't wanna stop" some people just don't know that they are alcoholic. But it is very hard to look into someone head and decide for them what is the problem. A psychologist would maybe be a good idea, as they can be able to let someone understand himself better and force your friend to think about the problem instead to ignore it. Again, this kinda things are hard and there might be nothing you can do.
Sending you hugs and light.
It is really hard, cos I also don't want to push her away either. I can keep trying to talk with her, but yes, it is a choice she needs to make. I do not know if she drinks everyday, I am not around her that much.
Thank you for your advice @xsasj, I really appreciate it xxx
Unfortunately in the end she will need to make a decision 😢 Meanwhile I think your support for her, and lack of support for her habit is the best thing. The drunk driving is disturbing too...
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Thanks @wrestlingdesires, for your advice and for the support xxxx
I learned 1 thing about addiction. As much as you may want to help someone, its up to the person to want to get help/sober. No matter how much you want them to stop. Love is a funny thing... We don't get to hit a button and turn it off.
Yes that is very true and that's what makes it difficult. It always has to come from them xx
The article reminds me of my past. I was not addicted to alcohol, but I was addicted to gambling. Any addiction is difficult to overcome, but anything can be done if the person wants it. I have been free of the addiction for 5 years now and I know how hard it is to get there, I was helped by a clinic where I was really away for 3 months. I have lost many people, but there were also many who helped me. Maybe I should write my first blog about addiction and how I got out of it. Never give up and keep fighting. I wish you all the best in the world. Best regards from Germany
Thank you @bigsavage and congratulations on 5 years.
Please do share your story on here and tag me when you do xxxx
Thank you @trucklife-family part 1 is out. Part 2 is in work you was a part of, that i begin to wrote my story. Thanks a lot for this.
See you around.
That sounds terrible and very sad. I can imagine how you as a friend and as a person who really cares about your friend is worried.
My ex girlfriend had this same problem, and the truth is that if the person doesn’t do anything to change, if she doesn’t invest some personal will on this, is not possible to help from the outside. And it’s even more difficult if the person doesn’t see this as a problem.
Very interesting post!
Thank you @belug. Yes my friend, does not see her drinking as a problem unfortunately. So I am not sure, what will happen. xxx