It was often said that God is dead and we had killed him, but those words meant so little to Jake Holloway.
To him, God had managed to escape and must be brought down. That is why Jake stands in a big room with white walls carrying the new GodPawner 3000, a sword he bought from Amazon at only $79.99.
Comes with free shipping.
It is now 2030, and only 68 Fast and Furious and 54 spin-off movies have come out, the iPhone 34XsNR has graced the market, and ISIL streaming service has released the fifth season of How I Met Your Mother While She Was Eleven to the praise of MAPs.
Jake carries his sword and walks into a tall building.
"This is it," he thinks, "This is where God resides."
He walks to the reception office and sees a lady sitting behind.
"Hi," Jake hesitantly says, "Is God here today? I have an urgent matter with them."
"Do you have an appointment?" the lady asks with a smile as she stands up. "Also, do you have any form of identification?"
"Uhmm, no, this came last minute," Jake utters as he reaches into his wallet and grabs his driving license, showing it to the lady. "Is this enough?"
"No," the lady responds with a baffled face. "This offers us nothing, we need something to identify you with. Are you on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter?"
“Okay, I am on Twitter,” Jake says with a dumbfounded look on his face. “My username is @JakeLovesCosby.”
The lady gives Jake a shocked look.
“I created it way before the rape scandal,” Jake explains.
“Alright,” the lady says, “we have an algorithm that will bring us everything we need to know. Do you mind waiting while we get everything ready?” The lady points Jake to a seating area where there is one bearded man and one woman in her forties.
Jake goes and seats himself in between the man and the woman. He quickly notices the woman mumbling. The woman is wearing a woman's suit, looking like she got her style from an outfit and make-up tutorial made by Hillary Clinton.
Jake sees in her mumbling a reminder of Elizabeth, his wife. Jake starts remembering the time he walked in on his wife in the bathroom as she was mumbling to the mirror.
Combing her golden hair, Elizabeth almost ripped her hair off the scalp while being visibly nervous.
“What is wrong, baby?” Jake asked as he reached his hands around her, stood behind her, and kissed her on the neck while holding her close.
“My mother called,” Elizabeth replied, “She wants me to speak at Nathan’s funeral.”
“Why are you staring at me?”
For a second Jake thinks Elizabeth was asking him through his memory as opposed to the lady sitting next!
“I uhh, I am sorry,” Jake stumbles upon his words as he snaps back to reality, thinking of something to say, “I was just contemplating asking you whether you are nervous.”
“You were taking a long time,” the lady says.
“I was contemplating it for a long time,” Jake quips.
“Well,” the lady starts explaining, “I am planning to run for President, and I am here to see if God would endorse me.”
“You want God to endorse you?”
“Yeah,” the lady continues, “God knows how to guarantee you votes. Without him, lots of people wouldn’t vote. They need God, that is how they know you are good.”
“Are you religious?” Jake questions, “If you are a religious person, it should be enough without letting the world know.”
“What? No,” The lady explains, “last time I touched a bible was during my last year at a Catholic school, and I only did that because I wanted to show it on my resume when I'd be running for President.”
Jake and the lady sit in silence for a few seconds before she continues, “People don't really follow who they vote for. We are the new pop stars, they don’t follow us or care about us unless we have a new viral video that they keep remembering until the next viral video. God’s endorsement is my viral video, after that I can do what I want, with God’s approval or without it.”
The lady was going to continue when she is interrupted by a man in a suit.
“Excuse me, Miss Miller. We are ready for you.”
The lady stands, turns to Jake, says, “Vote for Nancy Miller, for a better future,” and walks away with the man.
“Astaghfirullah,” Jake hears the bearded man saying.
“Bless you,” Jake says.
“What?” The man replies.
“I… I… I thought you sneezed,” Jake explains.
“No,” The man elaborates, “can you imagine having a woman as a leader over men?"
“I don’t need to,” Jake explains, “I just need to look at Germany.”
“That’s an anomaly,” the man remarks, “Merkel and all of those so-called women had their uterus destroyed so that they don’t have periods making them stupid for half of the month. It is so that they have enough brainpower to make men weak and gay. The Sheikh himself said SpongeBob makes you gay, I'm sure women made that show air. That-”
“Is that why you are here?” Jake interrupts, “So you can have a God explain to you how human anatomy works?”
“No,” The man answers, “I represent a multinational union, we are trying to sign God as our recruitment agent.”
“Why would you need God to do that?” Jake asks.
“Young people want meaning,” the man explains, “Twitter, Facebook, you name it, invites them to share what they think in a world where what they think needs to be specific otherwise they are hated and lose friends as people hate and abandon friends who share opposite things. Lost souls, they need meaning. God is the meaning.”
“Okay…” Jake feels perplexed, “What are you recruiting for?”
“The great cause,” the man answers, “Defeating everyone who stands against what we stand for. We stand for men leading the way as the rest know their place. Those who don’t agree should be cast aside, even if it means killing them in an explosion.”
“Yeah, I am familiar,” Jake says with a slightly sad tone, “My brother-in-law Nathan died that way.”
“Well,” the man justifies, “That is the price Nathan…”
The bearded man is quickly interrupted as the man in the suit tells him they are ready for him. The bearded man gets up and walks away with the suited man, leaving Jake alone.
Jake didn’t remain for long as people flooded into the waiting area joining him. He would listen to them talking to each other. “I am just tired of being bullied and mocked because I am fat”, complained a woman. “I just need a job, I am way behind rent”, cried an old man. “I want my child back”, many people exclaim. “My rapist got away in spite of all the evidence”, “I lost all my earnings in a scheme”, “I just hope HBO would hire a competent crew to remake season 8 of Game of Thrones”. The cries of the people overwhelmed Jake.
How much justice could a god provide when that god is the one who put you in a place where you demand justice? Would you go to your father’s killer and ask him to help you move on? Jake questioned in silence the people around him as they increased in numbers filling the waiting area with ten thousand people, maybe more lining up outside like the new iGod is about to be released.
“Mr. Holloway” The suited man returns “We are ready for you”. Jake follows the man into the elevator. Jake is left alone in the elevator as it heads upward.
The elevator opens and Jake walks into an empty room with nothing but a door facing Jake and to the left of it sits a man on a wooden desk with a stack of papers in front of him.
“Mr. Jake Holloway, my name is Marshall, I am one of the God’s secretaries’ Says Marshall “You are now at the final phase, I have received the analysis of your Twitter account, have a seat”
Jake, looking dumbfounded, takes a seat and says “How much could you possibly get from Twitter”
“It’s not just Twitter” Marshall explains “Twitter gives us your name and Email that gives us access to any information there is about you, your C.V on LinkedIn, posts on Facebook, job history, all of that and the kitchen sink with the right algorithm”
“That’s intere…..” Jake says but quickly interrupted
“You graduated college at the age of twenty three with c- average” Marshall talks in a rapid speed “Got married at the age of twenty four to your ten years sweetheart Elizabeth, hate both republican and democrat party, not a fan of independents either, fan of Metallica, Megadeth, System of a Down, Disturbed while saying over and over that you have been a fan before their Sound of Silence cover, Miley Cyrus, Shakira, Rebecca Black, and Cardi B”
“Well, Cardi is... “ Jake still can’t form a full sentence
“Love movies like Fight Club” Marshall unaffected by what Jake was going to say “Memento, The Usual Suspect, Being John Malkovich, completely misinterpreted 2001: Space Odyssey”
“Who has?
Marshall continues “The Dark Knight Trilogy, Avatar, Pirates of the Caribbean and the Avengers series”
Jake sits in silence as he listens to his life listed in front of him like a condensed Wikipedia article. His early life and childhood, personal life, places he traveled, wishes, hopes and dreams.
“You worked as a manager in a local pizza restaurant for eight years” Marshall continues “You started working there during your college days the abruptly quit following your wife’s death two years ago”
Silence ensues as Jake and Marshall stare at each other. It continues for a few seconds before Marshall asks “How did she die?”
“This is not the thing I want to talk about the most” Jake adjusts his posture as he gets ready to speak “She died because of an Opioid overdose, none of us even knew she started taking after her twin brother Nathan’s death, not me, her mother. We didn’t even know she was in pain”
Marshall tilts his face slightly to the right as he stares at Jake
“Well, yeah” Jake continues “Obviously, retrospectively, I just realized it was due to the fact she was on Opioid.
“How did you know about and purchased the sword?” Marshall asks
“Facebook” Jake elaborates “Well, Amazon. I was talking to a friend on Facebook Messenger and then found an ad for it? Why are you asking me these questions? You seem to know everything already”
“I just wanted to hear it before I ask my next question” Marshall says “Why are you here?
“Well…” Jake tries to think of a way to lie so he doesn’t get denied access but quickly sees the pointlessness in doing so “I am here to kill God”
“Okay” Marshall quickly gets up to open the door
“Wait a second” Jake exclaims “You are just going to let me do it!”
“It is not exactly an original story” Marshall explains “You are not even the first person to come here for that today. But sadly you will be disappointed like all of those before you”
Heeding to Marshall’s warning but continuing in spite of it, Jake heads into the room made of nothing but the white walls, floor, and ceiling with a body of light in front of him with a big computer behind it.
“So you are here for” The body of light says in a squeaky voice before getting split in half by Jake’s GodPawner 3000, dissolving into nothingness. Jake breathes heavily the fire breaths of anger then says “It is over” before heading out of the room feeling nothing but an adrenaline rush hiding the anger and anxiety temporarily.
Jake leaves the room only to see a person in a mechanic uniform carrying a big backpack walking into the room calmly.
“Eric, make sure the new god doesn’t have a squeaky voice this time” Marshall instructs the mechanic
“What is going on here?” Jake asks in a baffled tone.
“Nothing” Marshall replied “You killed god, great swing by the way”
“What?” Jake continues to be baffled “How are you rebuilding God?”
“Simple” Marshall Answers “You stick the O.P.I cable in the computer and use a 3D printer. You see god....”
“Don’t give me that bullshit” Jake angrily interrupts “Don’t give me that God is dead bullshit”
“I wasn’t going to do that” Marshall explains “God's Not dead, God was purchased. His powers were harvested and the copyrights to his image owned. We are his PR firm”
“He is copyrighted? What?” Jake gets more furious “What do you mean his powers were harvested”
“Look at Elon Musk flying rockets” Marshall elaborate “Jeff Bezos owning everything. Jack Dorsey, Mark Zuckerberg being everywhere. Do you think you can do that without the power of god? Those are the new Gods”
Jake stands in shock “And his image?” He asks
“Yeah” Marshall says “Turns out you can make god in your image. Buy it and sell it, use it, misuse it, or abuse it. It is capitalism, do you think god won’t be purchased. I told you would be disappointed”
“How can a mortal be a god?” Jake asks with signs of surrendering beaming through his eyes.
“Gods, Mr.Holloway, Gods” Marshall “They don’t need to be immortal. The Gods will die, but thrice their numbers will come, fighting for the supremacy of being your new God.”
“Could they bring back Elizabeth for me at least?” Jake hopelessly asks
“Probably soon” Marshall answers “And if they choose should they deem her worthy”
With sadness in his eyes Jake heads into the elevator, pressing the ground floor button. For the first time since her death, Jake cries the death of the love of his life. The elevator door opens for Jake to leave as he sees the man in a suit leading yet another person into the elevator. Jake walks away from the building carrying his sword in his hand before hearing Elizabeth’s voice “Jake”.
Jake turns around to see her standing behind the glass company entrance door, he slowly walks toward as all the sounds of laughter they ever had echo through his head. The times they spent together, their first kiss, the first time they made love playing through the empty theater in his mind.
He reaches for her to only feel the cold glass touching back his fingers. All his hopes and dreams behind a glass door as people inside stare through her onto him. Jake lays down his sword and walks away.
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This is quite the wild romp of a story, @amirtheawesome1. You did a really nice job of weaving in humor, and creating a world in which things are similar to yet different from what we know in some intriguing ways.
Thank you, I appreciate your words. I hope you liked it.
Thank you for your story. It is well written and very enjoyable to read.