𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐇𝐢𝐯𝐞
I stumble into a drawer of old books, this sudden move has me jaded, I need money, I need space and time.
"Fuck Noah, you can do more than just rub your stomach" I shouted warily, it was his vacation, but he was just getting in my way.
I looked for a moment at a small notebook that brought back memories. I took it and sat down on the rooftop couch to rest, it was old writings, I hadn't seen him for about five years, I carefully went through the pages and laughed bitterly as I read the last writing.
Waiting for something exciting to happen to me is my main motivation for waking up every morning. Even in my dreams I can't quench my need to experience a segregation of the happiness quartile* by an external event in my life.
I was surrounded by cool things, I saw cool things, I read cool things. What was the turning point in my story? Where had I been disinherited from excitement? These were questions that haunted me and caused little trances at inopportune times. I always knew what I was going to do, how I was going to do it, who I was going to be with; nothing was unexpected, nothing was surprising, nothing was new.
After twenty-five years of the same thing, the word boredom was branded on my ass. My childhood consisted of normal experiences, the coolest thing I ever experienced was having my four front teeth knocked out with a sharp blow of my mouth against the forehead of a little boy, it should be noted that the days that followed were not so cool. During my adolescence I did not manage to obtain lasting memories, of a forbidden love for example. In those five years that become the best experience of many, I only dedicated myself to getting the best grades. I had a couple of unrequited loves, but they didn't keep me awake at night. The most outstanding thing that happened was graduating and never having to go back.
At that time, at the end of the vacation before the start of college, I had promised myself a change, I kept repeating that my time had come and that it was just a matter of trying harder. Eight years have passed since then, and I'm still here, with a degree in economics but no friends, no memorable boyfriends, no epic moments, no excitement, no adrenaline, no nothing. What was it that I needed to live something different that would mark my life?
November is upon us, heralding the last months of the year, of another lost year. My brother and I are crammed in the living room eating treats while watching the airing of a new zombie series called The Walking Dead on AMC, it's a cherished way to celebrate my birthday.
The couch is littered with food waste, my brother is a complete mess. It's just me and him since our dad moved in with another family; mom died when I was three so I have no memory of her, our dad left when I turned 16, we weren't surprised, it had taken longer than we calculated. My brother is two years older than me, yet I am the adult in this house. Since I was 8 years old I have taken on the role of mother, it was not hard for me to adapt to the responsibility; I started working at 15, after that my father soon left us. It was the most accurate decision he could have made, he was an absolute burden. He didn't contribute to the household, he was a mouth to feed and didn't fulfill his role as a father. I accepted the fact that he didn't help me, but Noah always needed a little more attention, with his anger issues it was hard for me to control him as a child and even in those instances, when adult intervention was needed, our father wasn't there - could that term really be attributed to that man? I have always doubted it.
I'm not overflowing with happiness about everything that happened, I'm not sad about it either, I'm just calm, appeased, and being here with my brother without worrying about anything, I'm at peace. And you know what, I'm tired of peace! The kitchen is dirty, I clean it. The room is messy, I tidy it up. No money, I work. No food, I go shopping. My brother shat himself, I wipe his ass. I am always trying to solve problems having faith that as I take care of my responsibilities something interesting will happen.
I failed, I failed for 26 years with that formula and I can't make up for lost time.
I am a week away from starting my first vacation as an econometrician. I had chosen a career that would provide us with money, since my brother decided to be a writer, and as long as he didn't write a bestseller, it was necessary to eat. The boy had talent, he just needed an incentive, something to unleash that brilliant imagination, but I didn't push him, I would keep waiting for his moment, no one knows the moment when a writer succeeds.
When the chapter of the series ended, I woke my brother up with a pillow in the face, the idiot had been snoring for half an hour. I prepared dinner with his help and after eating, everyone went to their rooms to rest.
I write to unburden myself, I will keep this diary, maybe it will be useful in the future, now I will go to sleep thinking if the next day I will live something different.
What had changed since that time? After that day I committed many stupid things, but if I evaluate my current situation, I still aspire the same, I have not achieved my goal.
I watch the sunset carefully, those beautiful colors I like; something I have learned, now I appreciate things more, but I will go out tonight and live, I hope that in five years I will not be so disappointed with my life.
*The quartet of happiness: dopamine, exitocin, endorphin and seratonin
Translated with DeepL Free version.
I enjoyed reading it!
*The quartet of happiness: dopamine, exitocin, endorphin and seratonin - The Best Quartet Ever, let's make every effort to unleash it in ourselves and others doing things that light us up!!!
I liked these two pearls a lot :):) - "disinherited from excitement" and "caused little trances at inopportune times". I waited for some more unusual pearls, but until the Happiness Quartet there was none :):):) But I really enjoyed these 10 minutes!!
Thank you for sharing!!
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Really nice story! I also enjoyed reading it. Is it a true story of your life?
The truth is that when I wrote it I was only thinking of a complementary character of some novel, giving it life and form, but after thinking about it I could say that there are several things in common, apparently I influenced my fictional character in an unconscious way.
I'm glad you liked it.
yes, I really did like it! it went so spontaneously & fluently through me & really left an impression. also I could feel the way of life of the character & her family surroundings...
Your story creates an interesting character arc, @marysenpai. It is contemporary and yet explores a circumstance in which people across ages and cultures have found themselves.
Thank you for posting this story in the Ink Well community. We welcome you to our community of writers. One thing we ask of all who post here is that they support other writers. We hope to read more from you in the future.
I'm glad to know that it achieves the task of being a situation that people can identify with, my point was to create a fairly human character, to portray flaws and vague thoughts.
Thanks for the welcome, I've loved the community, I'll gladly be around often.
Hello @marysenpai,
I read your story before going to sleep last night and then just reread it. It's interesting to go to sleep with this subjective flow of reflections in my head.
You like words, I can see that, and you use them fluently. Your style 'flows'. I think you love to write. That's great.
You introduce us to someone who feels that life to this point has essentially been 'wasted'. Career goals achieved, but not living. In the end, we hope the character sticks to her resolve. She seems to be someone who deserves more than a shell of existence.
I look forward to reading more of your stories in this community.
I'm glad to know that the idea I had in my head and with the idea that I was molding the character can be perceived, it's really nice to read the compressions of something created. I really appreciate that you have read my story, I will be sharing as often as I can since it is a community that also serves as a guide and support for writers.
And you are right, I really like to write, since I was 14 years old. I didn't know I had a particular flow though, I hope to improve it. <3
This is a contemplative story, @marysenpai. But the narrator is a fighter. A survivor. The story seems to be told at a time when she is ready to launch into a better phase of life, and she will be the master of her own destiny. The story gave me a feeling of hope. I like the narrator's wit and personality. Well told!
Thank you very much for reading.
I wanted to give a varied attitude to the character, a little jovial, but with a hard life so that he could reason about what he wants and doesn't have, without losing the strength to find it despite the years that have passed.
You write fairly well in English too; I enjoyed it. It would be interesting to see how this character finds excitement. Perhaps in a later chapter. :) Thanks for sharing in the Creative Coin Discord.
Thank you very much for your support, I'm glad you liked it.