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Only if can get my hands on the original documents, we will definitely not experience this shame that is waiting for my family, oh! What do I do now?" Jessica speaking to her herself on a verge of losing the only land and building they have. A fraudster had sold their land without their knowledge after the death of the father. Unfortunately they couldn't see a formal documents to present in the court.
"Oh my God, are we just going to become tenants within the twinkling of an eye?" She kept on asking questions as she could not believe her eyes. She decided to ask her mum how they got the land in the first place,
"Mum, how did you and my late Dad got this land?"
"My daughter, your dad got this land before I got married to him. According to him; it was his father that gave him the land as an inheritance, it's quite unfortunate that the person that sold the land claimed to be the owner of this land. I know there's always a way out of every trouble."
"Okay mum, I will go and meet my uncle to tell me more about this land. I am sure he heard about everything that's happening but refused to support us as expected of uncle, notwithstanding, I will go and beg him for support."
"My dear, I know your uncle than you do, you need a divine grace to get his support."
Jessica does not know that her family problem was from within, she want ahead to solicit her Uncle's support to appear as key witness in court.
"Good afternoon Uncle"
"Good afternoon my dear, how are you doing? I was just about to call you people to know how you are doing."
"Thank you sir, we are fine, but I need your help, someone is claiming our land as their family asset, the case is already in court and with the way things are going we may lose the land"
"It's not possible my daughter, I will show that person the stuff I am made of. When is the next Court sitting?"
"It's next Tuesday sir"
"Okay, don't worry, I will come as a witness"
"Thank you sir, I will appreciate if you can come with any document to support our argument"
Jessica had hope on the Uncle and a temporary relief from a constant thought of losing their properties but never new that she just told the enemy her secret.
Immediately she left, her Uncle said to himself;
"It's seems this girl doesn't know I am behind all these problems. Just as I taught her late father a lesson, I will do the same to them as a revenge for not giving me a particular portion of land I wanted when he was alive, hahahahaha.......... I pity you!"
The siblings and mum were losing hope, here comes Tuesday when Jessica's family is expected to present a key witness but her Uncle was no where to be found. Looking round the court room, her eyes were filled with tears, strength had gone out of her and at this point she began to recall her father's words, "don't give up before any action, trust in God even when all odds are against you, keep hope alive"
Having failed to present a key witness, the judge said: "Jessica, you just have five more days to prove to us that you are the owner of the said property"
Jessica was just walking towards home perplex to the point of walking in the middle of the road.
"A car horn............... who is this girl walking aimlessly on the road?" Asked the king of the community in his convoy. Looking back she shouted, "oh I am sorry sir, long live my king"
"What's your name?" The king asked.
"My name is Jessica Okoye sir"
"You mean late Okoye, the ogburugburu 1(strong man that fights for his people) of this community?"
"Yes my king"
"Okay, what's the problem?"
"It's Mr Donald that sold my father's land and I am just helpless now"
Jessica told the king all that happened and he was very furious at Donald and the buyer. He called for a meeting involving all parties. Donald was ask to present the original documents before the king or risk dying if he lie before the king. Donald quickly sent for Jessica's Uncle and both were unable to present original documents. Donald said,
"Long live the king, I am very sorry for involving myself in this mess, Jessica's Uncle told me to claim ownership of the land, we forged the documents and share the money, please forgive us."
Jessica and mum could not believe what they just heard. The king said;
"Your have defiled our norms and discredit our community, you know the said land is their inheritance but you went ahead to cause trouble; you are both hereby banished from this village for two years. The case was immediately withdrawn and the land was returned to Jessica's family. A visible sigh of relief from her, a gentle smile mixed with tears of joy was what you could just see in Jessica.
Truly, it's not over until it's over, God can use anybody to help a person
You have a good story line, @popmanj. You have created a sympathetic character and the narrative is driven by conflict. You offer a reasonable resolution to the story. Although the intervention of a king is unlikely, this is your story, and if you want a king in it, then that's fine.
We do have one very important suggestion. You have written this story in block form There are no paragraphs. Paragraphs not only break up the page and make reading easier. They also give the reader clues as to the author's intention. Please try breaking up the story in paragraphs. After one person is done talking, for example a new paragraph often begins. This is a simple way to make your story more readable.
Thank you for sharing this interesting story with the Ink Well community. We do expect our authors to support each other by commenting on their stories. Thank you!
Thanks for your observations, I will do the necessary corrections now
Hello @popmanj. You have a good plot here. Treachery always gets the reader's attention. As for the paragraphs, there really is no rule except for when someone new starts to speak or when the action changes (location) that's a good time for a paragraph. If you have any questions, I'd be glad to answer them.
Writing is great fun. I hope you continue to let your imagination play and to share what you imagine with the community.
Okay, thank you, noted
A very imaginative story, @popmanj. Thank you for adding the paragraph breaks! I waited to read it until you did so. I really enjoyed this story.
I have a bit of feedback for you. I encourage you to consider leaving out the "moral" component of your stories. It is not needed for a story to be successful, and many readers would rather not feel that they are listening to a preacher's sermon while reading fiction. This story would be just fine (better, in my opinion) without the morality statements about God.
Okay thanks, context of the story shows a divine intervention for Jessica and anything divine is from God. No one without a God but could be different God, even the atheists knew there's one they just need evidence. Actually put it there due to circumstances surrounding the fate of Jessica in the context of the story. Thanks for your observations, I will do the necessary next time.
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