I rarely find myself surrounded by nature. When I say nature, I am talking about streams, rivers, mountains, forests, and all that. Although, now that I think of it, my school, the College of Health Sciences, was situated inside the bush, literally. You can find trees and bushes all around, a few yards from the students’ surroundings. The afternoons were always hot, and the evenings were always cool.
I had two favorite spots. The first one was in front of the hostel, where a very large tree was located. At night, if I am not reading, you will find me there, seated with someone I ended up falling in love with years later. We’d share and talk about everything from music to movies, comedies, and our studies. We'd laugh for hours, and rarely do our conversations get deep unless one of us is going through a difficult or hurtful experience.
My second favorite spot was by the roadside. There was a paved road on one side of the college that linked it to the main campus. You can get to the main campus in a ten- to fifteen-minute drive.
I find myself sitting there most times, as people don’t come through that place at night. I used the opportunity to reflect on what was going on around me. My friendships, my courses, my lover, and my family occupied my thoughts most of the time.
I like to listen to the sound that crickets make while I sit there. The soft, cool breeze causes the leaves of the trees before me to sway in whichever direction the wind goes; you could literally hear it—the sound of wind rustling the leaves. I only have memories, as I haven’t been there in about six years.
It was at this very place that I found my then-boyfriend cheating on me with a close friend of his. I had just walked there from class because I needed a break from reading. I plugged in my earphones to listen to one of my favorite gospel songs, titled ‘Na You’ by Dunsin Oyekan and Kim Burrell. God! I love Kim Burrell. I sat on the stump of a felled tree, and I was there wondering why my boyfriend hadn’t called, and I checked the time to see that it was midnight. He usually comes to check on me in class before heading home, and he hadn’t come, nor had he called. I sat for barely fifteen minutes when I heard the sound of loud laughter coming from the bush ahead of me. Immediately, I removed my earphones because I thought that I was alone and was worried for my safety. That area is barely lit, and you can only see the surroundings through the reflection of the moon or a light bulb positioned a few meters away. The other option is to use your phone or flashlight. I saw the shape of two people walking out of the trees and heard them laughing and talking. Let’s call these people Mary and Samson.
‘I have always wanted to do that with you’, Mary said, laughing out loud.
‘What did you want to do?’, Samson asked. ‘You mean this?’, he asked as he leaned down to kiss her.
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t because that voice was familiar. I could recognize it in my dreams. ‘That is my boyfriend's voice’, I thought. And my vision in a barely lit area suddenly became clearer. I could see that it was him. He had a weird taste for colored shoes, and he was wearing shoes colored yellow and blue. They couldn’t see me from where they stood as I sat in the dark. They were still kissing when I picked up my phone to dial my boyfriend. I had to call him twice before he picked up. Laughing out loud. I still remember clearly.
‘Hey baby girl. How are you?’, he asked.
‘I am fine. Where are you? I have been waiting for you’, I said softly.
‘I am close. I will come and meet you in class’, he replied.
‘Really?’, I asked as I stepped out of the shadows and walked towards them.
‘Shit!’, he said as he saw that it was me. ‘How long have you been there for?’
‘Long enough’, I replied softly.
I stared at them for what I assumed to be a long time and made my way back to the classroom, packed my belongings, and took a suicide walk back to my house situated off campus. It was a suicide walk because I was walking alone late at night in a not-so-safe area.
That incident kept me away from my second favorite spot. Anytime I pass by that road, I remember it. I forgave him, though. Love makes one blind, indeed.
You had a good concept for this story but unfortunately stylistic errors weakened the narration. When an author's handling of a story distracts form the narrative, that's a problem. Specifically, you need to work on verb tenses and paragraphing. A simple rule, if you begin in past time, stay in past time - Keep it simple.
As for paragraphing, there's no hard and fast rule - it's an art. Basically a paragraph should be at least three sentences long - it should have a beginning, middle and end. I break that rule all the time, but you have to master the rule to know when to break the rule. I often insert a short one sentence paragraph for dramatic effect - for emphasis. You did that with your final paragraph - ie, two short sentences. But generally, you favoured shorter paragraphs - you set your own pattern and then broke it with one awkwardly long passage when you uncovered your lover's infidelity.
As I said at the beginning, you had a good concept, but little foxes spoil the vines. Go back over the story and learn from it. That's how you become better. Sometimes I mess up big time and I'm embarrassed. I've taught writing and I know Literature - it means nothing when you're being creative because it's virgin territory. You learn from every new story. And you never stop learning in this craft. Keep up the good work!
Hmm. Alright.
Noted... @johnjgeddes
I will take note of your corrections and make use of it.
Thank you for reading through😊
Quite a beautiful and touching story. Good piece dear
😊😊😊 thank you sire
Oh dear....it sounds like the things we see in the movies. I'm really sorry, you had to go through that. It's very typical of a cheating partner to destroy a place that was so special to you. So you can't go there now without remembering the gruesome experiences. No one deserves someone so deceitful in their lives.
Your college must have been very safe for you to be out there alone. Do you still go there?
Yes it was sort of safe back then, I don't know if it is now. The only thing to fear were herdsmen who bring their cattle in to graze, they can get violent at times.
I graduated college about 6 years ago and I've never gone back there since then.
Thank you for reading through and commenting😊 @jhymi
Oh, you must have really felt peace there for you to go there constantly even with the dangers. I enjoyed reading your story @smc.arike.oba. It's the first time I'm doing that so it's really nice to meet you.🤗
Yes. I enjoy my walks there alone. Thank you very much. You are appreciated. Nice to meet you too @jhymi
This was real life? I felt like I was reading something from a movie. Your life is a movie. Sorry I find your heartbreak interesting but it freaking is. And I loved every bit of it. You nailed it champ. More practice. I love this. Thanks @jhymi for tagging me. ❤️❤️
Yes it happened, 2016. I'm glad you found this piece interesting.
Thank you for reading and commenting😊 @deraaa
These situations are very uncomfortable adding the pain of a betrayal. This experience took you away from your favorite place, it was a shame. An entertaining story to read. Thanks for sharing.
Good day.
Thank you for your comments and for reading through😊
Congratulations @smc.arike.oba! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 5000 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPThis is a beautiful and very poignant story, @smc.arike.oba. How heartbroken you must have been to discover your boyfriend that way. We can only hope he realized his mistake and that he was wrong to hurt you and let you walk out of his life!
You have a very nice writing style, and it's wonderful to see you progressing on your journey as a writer. (Don't worry about comments that seem to the contrary. Writers care about writers, and want to help, but it can be easy for seasoned writers to forget their early days and the style issues they undoubtedly had to learn and overcome through years of hard work.)
Thank you for sharing your creative nonfiction story in The Ink Well, and for reading and commenting on the work of other community members!
Good day...
I'm happy that I walked out of his life.
Thank you so much for your comment and words of encouragement😊 @theinkwell