The choice of course to study is one very tricky aspect in a child's (or teenager's) education. This part would be way easier if you could choose more than one course to study. But alas, everyone has their area of specialty and choosing what you have no idea about could be catastrophic (for a straight A student, failing is kinda catastrophic). To make choosing a course less stressful for teenagers, it's advisable to have someone who can help you with certain decisions but the choice is still in the hands of the teen. But what do you do when the people who are supposed to be guiding you are making the choice for you instead?
According to my parents, my education has always given them “problems”. I was very timid when I was younger. I had no confidence in myself and I always thought I didn't know as much as other kids. And this was a very big problem to my parents because my older siblings were very smart, confident and they had amazing grades and they didn't want their only daughter to be the black sheep. They would always compare me to the other children and it really lowered my self esteem. But as I grew older, I became more confident in myself and once my parents saw my capability they started scheming and immediately chose a course suitable for “the kind of brain I carry”🙄. They told me I would read nursing. They planted that seed in my head from my childhood. I didn't understand the consequences of letting them take control then, but I guess they're catching up to me now. Now my parents have refused to give me freedom to choose. It's scary feeling like you literally have no control over your own life; feeling like a stranger in your own life. I now realize why I had such low self-esteem as a child. It wasn't necessarily because I didn't know enough, it was because I was afraid people wouldn't listen to me just like my parents.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder how many young people actually go through this stress (it's very stressful and frustrating to me). I actually have a friend whose parents told her she was a disgrace for wanting to read a particular course. You're supposed to be counseling your children not judging their decisions. The funny thing about all of this is that if you go ahead and disobey them (read another course, maybe even dropout of school) and you end up being very successful, the same people who ridiculed you, maybe even disowned you, will be the first to celebrate your success 🤦. So why not just support us all through the way. It's not like we're asking for a billion dollars. No young person will watch you dictate their lives and be happy with you, but apparently Nigerian parents have refused to see that. They believe they know best and have refused to see that things have changed. Yes, we know the economy has changed but we have adapted to the bad economy. JUST LET US DO OUR THING.
I remember my dad told me some time ago, “Be smart or people will take advantage of you”. But it's the same people who warned me about being cheated that ended up cheating me of my own life. The same people who told me they would support any decision I make, have failed me. At a point, I thought they would eventually support my decision but I guess I was wrong. I want to SPEAK MY MIND so bad. But as annoying as it is, there's nothing I can do about it. They won't listen to me.......
I had similar experience when I was growing up, my parents believed they knew what was best for me when it was something different I wanted. We both regret it now because they wish I had followed my dreams and I wished I was courageous to stand for what I believed.
I believe your parents could still give you a listening ear, do not believe you can't do anything, there's a lot you can do to make them see the light in your perspective
Thank you so much, I really wish it was that easy, this has been dragging for too long now and I just don't know what to do anymore. I definitely know they want the best for me, but it's sad they don't want me to do what's in my heart. I love my parents and I always listen, but I wish they listen back.🤦🏽
This is one tough time kiddo, and I understand everything you are pouring out here. It's really difficult when you don't get your freedom relating to things like this, I understand how you feel each time you talk to me about this, sometimes I really which the older generation stop bringing their young ones up the way they were brought up. Remember our discussion, and know I will always listen to you. While reading this, I felt it all, just stay strong.
You know what girl, I almost cried reading this, I know I can be dramatic at times but this is way too bitter.
Well thank God for the type of parents I have, our decision is in our hands, they don't decide for us, all they do is guide us and counsel us so far we let them know what our intentions are or what we are up to.
I am very sorry and I sympathize with you dear. I understand what it feels like to be in that shoe cause I have close friends who had suffered the same feat.
I don't know if it's my thought but I think this type of decision most times comes from a well-to-do or what I can say rich family and like you said about your friend. The so-called disgrace in this context to them means is below their class that their child should be reading the course they see as an undervalued course.
Well, you wished, but you couldn't have your way, I don't know how it has been with you and the things you have gone through dear but I will say you didn't try hard enough.
Being timid and afraid of saying your own mind to your parents from day one is where the whole issues lies.
Had it mean you did this from day one, it wouldn't have become as tough as it is right now.
Being obedient to our parents doesn't mean that we should be forced to live a life they couldn't live perhaps.
Some parents force decisions intentionally on their children simply because they want them to have or live the life they couldn't have or live forgetting that this is two different bodies and different destinies.
In my case, I would say it's still not too late, you haven't written your jamb yet have you?
And I believe you are in the right department already, by that I mean art or science.
So far you haven't written your jamb yet then it's not too late.
Have you considered talking to God about this matter? You know he would listen, he listens to even the slightest matters and issues.
I have tested and proven it. There isn't any heart God cannot change.
If you have a passion for something other than the field your parents want you to be, please do talk to God about it, he works miracles even in a di minute.
I am sorry again and wish you all the best dear.
Thank you. I have communicate with God and I am still communicating I will just continue to hope for the best, thanks for your words and thanks for stopping by.
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That is Nigerian Parents for you. They want to be over their children's success and want to choose for them. This is right though but at times, it doesn't work for all children. There are areas children are capable and have the creativity in them, at this point, parents needs to monitor and see how they can support them with their advice. So many children has ended up abandoning a course of study they went for all because they wanted to satisfy their parents. This is so sad.
Parents are guardians and it is their responsibility to watch and help their children in choosing the right course in school.
Thank you for sharing your thought, parents are suppose to counsel and support their children's decisions. But no, Nigerian parents want to oversee everything. It's just sad.
I feel for you but I think the only thing you can do is to commit it to God and continue at one side what you are passionate of so that you don't lose at one end. While you are busy studying what your parents wants you to study, you can as well build what you are passionate of. God will help you dear.
Thank you. And yes, I have surrender to God. The same thing you told me is what my teacher told me. Thanks.