I've been thinking now for a while to get back into writing here. I mean, I've had a tab open for months with a basically complete music theory-related post (way more interesting than it sounds based on that), which literally just needs a few edits. I never made it to those edits. I see the tab every single day just sitting there, waiting.
Waiting for me to change the little bit at the end. But no.
So I decided to try something else, something I can just write off the top of my head in order to trigger that process of writing more easily than a proper article. Hopefully that'll get my brain in the right mood and mode to finally slay that beast I named 'Jazz different'. (totally unrelated to the post itself somehow...)
So for now, I'm going to challenge myself to an online diary, a stream of consciousness I can perhaps post once per week of some thoughts I had on that day based on things I've watched or witnessed or read or done.
Clean your room
I've been going home the hard way from work for quite a few months now. I do this for two reasons:
- It's marginally faster (1hr 15 minutes rather than 1hr 30 minutes) and more reliable (easy way can surpass 2 hours on bad traffic days)
- I had a lot of chronic discomfort sitting on a coach for 1-1.5 hours with the new addition to my family we call 'Herniated discs'.
I learnt this could heal within 8 weeks or so, but was a weakness for the rest of my life. Well, it turned out to heal on and off for... maybe 8 months now. So the bus just wasn't a comfortable option. I would, instead, take the metro, transferring 3 times, followed by a 15 minute taxi or bike ride. At least most of this journey was standing up, moving about.
Although in these long, long commutes I make it a consistent habit to either watch/listen to podcasts and other youtube subscriptions, or listen to some new amazing music, it's still sometimes nice to sit back on a leather reclining seat and close my eyes, and let the bus take me home.
The last couple of days I gave it a shot, as my spine is currently in a good place, and I wanted to test the waters. So far so good.
Today, I stumbled across a new video, a live event with Jordan Peterson. This was a man I used to hate. Couldn't stand his voice, if anything else. I didn't necessarily disagree with his views, but I felt aggravated by his overly serious approach to things, his exaggerated emotions, among other things.
But as I said, I don't necessarily disagree with his sentiments, and I've heard him on other podcasts such as Sam Harris and so forth, so he pops up in my feed from time to time.
This talk he was having was not a political one, but a psychological one. Mostly a Q&A, but there were some things which, as is normal in a Jordan Peterson talk, hit home.
Be on the side of who you could be
According to one audience member, this is a common mantra of his but I'm not a follower so this is news to me.
In short, he describes his father as strict and not very agreeable, very hard to please. Not exactly a new description of a father figure, but he described this as both a gift and a curse. A curse because he is hard to please, but a gift because the meaning behind this is that he always thinks you can be better, do better, than you currently are doing.
So he described his father as not being on his side, but being on the side of who he could be. I think this specific framing has a deeper meaning than simply 'encouraging you to be better' and I think the value in this is to apply it to oneself.
Often, I think we side with ourselves because that's the thing immediately staring back at us in the mirror. When we consider the problems in our lives, we kind of skirt around our self, and start to point fingers elsewhere.
- Oh, I'm poor because the elites have set us up to fail
- Oh, I'm unhappy because people around me suck
- Oh, this political party is in power because literally 51% of the country are utter retards and also pure evil
- Oh, I'm single because the gender I like doesn't get me/are spoilt/are poisoned
- Oh I'm unsuccessful because my race/gender/minority description is oppressed
Well, all of these may actually be true, but these things set us up to stick ardently to the 'you' of right now. All of these reasons, which may in themselves be valid, are being bloated out of proportion to create huge blockades in our psyche, preventing us from overcoming them.
Because we feel they are insurmountable blockages, we can now justify the idea that there is nothing wrong with today's 'you', and we fight ourselves to protect that status quo, while simultaneously being bitter and depressed about it.
Well, I think they are, for most people, obstacles. I think for some people, some of these do set a certain ceiling that is ultimately lower than the dreams one might have.
But I do not think that for any of us, they should allow us to simply settle in a miserable status quo. To do that is to side with the 'you' of now. But if you side with who you could become, that gives you a path forward.
It gives you a route around certain blockades until you can figure out what the ultimate high ceiling is in your life, and how to maneuver around the obstacles to get there.
My phone has this annoying clock app which, when used, forces the phone's slogan in your face 'never settle' Well, that's basically what I mean.
That doesn't mean 'never relax' or 'never find a place in your life you want to stay in and be comfortable in'. But to me it does mean 'consider how you can make things better for you and those around you'.
If I truly think 51% of the population who voted 'wrong' are retarded and evil, well, that malicious mindset I'm holding might be worth re-considering. Using those words to describe total strangers sounds like the problem is with me more than it is with them.
Thinking inwards about my own mindset is a process of siding with who I could be, rather than who I am. Questioning one's beliefs should be a daily part of life, in my opinion. Which leads me to one more point he raised:
Never win
I think this statement is a little lacking in nuance but he goes into the nuance after the fact.
Winning is obviously better than losing, but it's not as good as a mutual evolution. (Unless you're playing sports, then winning is absolutely the best). If USA goes to war with China, it would be better for Americans if the USA wins with merely 150,000,000 dead and china with 800,000,000 dead. But it wouldn't be as good as both sides evolving their position with a combined 0 dead.
Realistically, the two countries are so far apart and stubborn, the idea of evolving to be mutually agreeable is laughable, But if we apply this to our sense of self, it makes a lot more sense.
Just like how winning a war is an oxymoron, so is winning an argument. Winning an argument is a nice, immediate feeling of satisfaction, but it locks you in to the idea that the current version of you is absolute. At the same time, it creates bitterness, resentment and a rather ugly picture of you from the other side, the loser of the argument. Thirdly, it molds you into a position of disrespect for the one who you now consider a loser, with that smug, internal grin on your inner face the whole time.
That's an ugly outcome on all sides.
Rather than aiming to win, dismantling that binary concept of winning and losing creates a new opportunity to build a greater understanding of that person having a disagreement with you. By asking, and listening, rather than demanding and telling, you no only enrich yourselves with more knowledge of that person's personality and position (or lack thereof), but you also disarm them and allow them to feel more open to hearing you out once you've established a more mature and patient mindset.
This, again, is siding with a future you, somebody who is improved and beyond the person you are right now.
It all comes down to being a better person. If you 'win' at being a good person, you might be considered perfect. But I don't believe that's possible. To idolize a person as perfect is, frankly, to be wrong.
This is the primary feature of religion that never sits well with me. So idolize a perfect being such as God or Jesus or whoever is to me no different than the cult followers, or those who idolize the perfect being of Mao Zedong or Kim Il Sung or Elon Musk.
A perfect God makes no sense to me, in the same way that a perfect heaven makes no sense. A place so perfect as heaven to be honest sounds awful to me and I imagine nobody I care about would ever make it up there. Miserable place.
So to me, there is no 'winning' in the end. Life has to be a continuous, even eternal effort to be better than you are. But never the best. Because the 'best' is an end point. If you reached that point, then you might as well kill yourself and make room for others.
Once that philosophy has been established, we can spend our lives doing so by increasing our selflessness and making other people's lives better. None of us are good enough until we can do that.
Well, I guess that was all partially related to the Jordan Peterson talk, but I went off on a tangent.
But then, wasn't that the point of this blog?
You will actually make a good philosopher. I agree with most of the things you said except, maybe, the religion part (that's probably for another discussion). However, people have varying interpretations of what a win constitutes. In a successful negotiation, the parties involved will agree, right? Nevertheless, some might see themselves as winners and others as losers. When it comes to wars and arguments, you are absolutely spot on because there will always be bad aftertastes.
Well yes I know you're religious =P
So is Jordan Peterson. It's not like I don't see any value in religious thought. In fact, increasingly I worry that an increasingly atheist society is finding that seemingly evolutionary need to worship something, in places a lot more toxic than a well-developed religion. Things like BLM and Transgender rights might be nice in principle but when you treat them as you would a God (never question it or suffer the consequences, do as I say or else, burn the things we disagree with) as many people do, its a concern. I feel like humans need something to put on a pedestal, and I'm not sure why. Doesn't seem healthy.
I'm not sure I'd make a good philosopher haha. I Just don't like to read and critique that much. Most philosophers seem like terrible people to me, or highly elitist if nothing else.
I consider the human population as one giant mass of philosophers, slowly but surely reaching a final grand conclusion. At which point we'll become galactic colonizers.
Grrr! Acidyo told me that you can help with my Toe problem.
Surrender all your Wisdom now!
The secret (assuming you have the same problem) is this type of nail clipper:
Notice the pointy out bit...You'll be amazed at the nooks and crannies you can get yourself into to rescue your toe from... annailation
Funny you mention that, after using the half clip to reach into the bits of toe nail that remained. The infected area is slowly healing and there's less puss as time moves on.
Yeah once you give it some relief, the infection sorts itself out if you give it time. My toe is still an issue and probably will be forever short of getting the nail permanently removed. But now i've mastered the art of maintenance, I can prevent the months and years of hobbling i've previous dealt with XD
Good luck! (if it ever gets totally disgusting, send an HD pic to acidyo)
Already Ahead of you
Hahaha. Yeah your toes were really badly taken care of...
I never had that issue, part of it is genetic. My mum has had the issue for msot her life despite proper cutting and I suspect it passed down to me. Doctors who doubted my nail-clipping methods asked me to take off the sock on my other toe to check, and was surprised at how perfectly I cut my nails.
In fact, mine was a result of a minor ingrown nail, made terrible by a botched Chinese surgery, followed by a second botched Chinese surgery.
The third surgery was quite a major one that, without insurance would have cost me thousands of dollars. I stayed two nights at the hospital and surgery took 5 surgeons hahahaha.
It didn't fix the problem. But at least it didn't make it worse, for a change.
If you want to see your darkest nightmares, hmu on discord and we can compare toe notes
UwU, jesus that sounds terrifying. I just visited a local saloon shop. Payed mah barber Php150 = $3. And the deed was done.
I would have fainted not at the backyard surgery, rather by the size of your American Hospital bill.
Wow! It's a bunch of good tips that I brought here. I identified myself behind my bad back, and I'm even here agonizing right now, wondering if what I'm feeling is a hernia or something less serious. But I have been suffering from kyphosis and other things since forever. Recently I have been trading my car for a bike and it has generated good experiences, not only for health but also for mind (fresh air, real life, landscapes, listening to podcasts or music on the way, etc).
And as for the rest of the tips, I have to agree, but in a way the big problem is that in general this sort of thing is much easier "said than done". But we're in the fight, aren't we?
I liked the way you write! I will be following you!
Oh, welcome to the world of eternal back problems! A hernia honestly preferable if that's the case, not to say its necessarily more pleasant, but it's curable with a surgery. A slipped disc is something that can 'heal' on its own, but that leaves permanent scarring, that area of which will be weaker and more prone to happening again in the future, as I have already discovered... I feel like I am now unable to live an active lifestyle. I probably can, but perpetually carefully.
Kyphosis sounds awful though. I think a couple of my students have something similar... Sucks.
Yeah 'easier said than done' I agree with but these things can always be done in incremental steps. Peterson talked about this too, how some of his clients were in total mess. He tried to get him to vacuum his room, as a 35 year old living with his mum.
He came back after a week saying that he took the vacuum out, left it in front of his door and then walked over it for the next week without moving or using it, was just too much to bother with. So they set even smaller goals to accomplish in his case. Pick up the vacuum as a week assignment. That's it.
Some people are just like that. Others are more able to look at themselves and make huge changes they need, we all have different limits. First step I guess is finding out what those limits are for each individual and progressing from there.
Thanks for the read and the follow! I don't post much these days but I'm trying to.
I know the feeling of having a tab open for weeks, then months, and months… In my case, it was a bit weird as the motivation to write the text was there, and I even knew what to write. However, every time I was ready to dig into it, I had something else more urgent that popped up, and the tab stayed open untouched.
Reading your post also made me thinking about the possibility of doing something different from work on my way back home (or on my way to work). Yes I know, I jumped on any single sentence unrelated to the main meat :). During my daily trips, I have 10 minutes of metro, followed by an hour of train, and then a 10-minutes drive. But in fact, I would not be able to use that time for having fun activities unrelated to work. Those 90 minutes are 60 real minutes of work where I actually do a lot of things (using the atmosphere of the train, isolated from any distraction). Amputating my days off these 2 hours (I only work in the train, but you guessed it I imagine) is just not an option, being already over-busy with the normal working hours… Lucky you I would like to say (although my situation is my choice and it is up to me to change it if I really wanted to).
It is election time in France, and this definitely applies to every single candidate for the president position… That’s unfortunately the easy way that most like.
For the rest of the text (and the main topics of your post ;) ), this aligns with how I behave in my everyday’s life. Trying to do some good and fun (I think that the fun part was somehow implicit in this piece of text) around here, with the little knowledge and possibilities that are mine.
It was nice to read from you! :)
Hey the stuff around the main meat was written for a reason, after all. Not much of a reason, but a reason =)
This is interesting to me. You are consciously choosing not to. Well, I've only ever known you as a workaholic, even on thankless tasks such as StemSocial, for years. Presumably, you believe in the things you're working on and that has deep value. So maybe rather than think and complain of it as a curse, maybe alter into a more positive perspective around what you're doing ^__^ (I'm sure you already do in real life situations).
That being said, HEALTH.
Oh, you actually match my commute, assuming that's each way. I always get comfort knowing i'm not the only one. TBH I'd probably waste the extra 3 hours a day at home. At work, I have the whole hall to myself, with guitars and pianos and 7-piece speaker system... I am much more constructive here than I could ever be staying at home an extra 3 hours. It sounds like I'm forcing myself to justify it, but I genuinely have improved my craft a ton this way the last couple of years.
Yeah I think many of us just do this as part of our upbringing or just general life development. But it seems so many people are drowned and trapped in a mindset that just isn't healthy and have literally had no experience thinking in another way. Echo chambers and all.
Thanks for the chunky comment =) I feel Hive is still alive!
I am indeed already very positive and passionate with everything I do. Or I just don't do it. You cornered me well (even if we only met briefly in real life) ;)
Why are justifications needed? This is a choice. As soon as we are happy with it, it is fine. And there is no free lunch. Opting for a given choice comes with other pros and cons. I could say 'positivity hit me again' (maybe this positivity ;) ), couldn't I?
Haha that's an interesting way to plug. Kinda fun seeing your name on top of people a world apart in all aspects working together one one thing =D
This was a paper with a good friend of mine from Beijing, who unfortunately passed away last June (he was in his mid-thirties :( ).
a writer and a musician, You are my Idole.
Hah. Never idolize, we're all flawed. some (like me) more than others =D