Across the road from our house, there is a popular little kids park with a few bits of equipment and a sandpit. Especially at these times, it has become a meeting point for the locals so that there is a bit of outdoor social distancing, but still the ability for parents and grandparents to have a chat while the kids play. Yesterday however, it started to get weird.
My daughter and I took our dog for a morning walk and I noticed a guy sitting swinging there and when we walked past again, he was still there swinging away. He looks to be in his late 50s or early 60s. At lunch, he was still there and in the afternoon, still swinging away - this was about 8 hours of some guy without kids swinging alone in the park. This morning, he was back again.
In all likelihood, it is someone with some mental health issues who is trying to perhaps get some social contact, but I have come to be very wary of these kinds of people and this particular one makes me uncomfortable. While I am all for people minding their own business, I also prefer to err on the side of caution, especially when there are children involved. As this is a quiet area of predominantly houses and neighbors who know each other, it is common for slightly older kids to go to the park by themselves unattended by an adult, as they should be able.
We do however live in a strange world and when it comes to mental health issues, a lot of the support just isn't there and there has been some terrible cases that have highlighted the problems. I just asked my wife to make a call to the police to do a drive-by and perhaps ask some questions and she was like "No, he hasn't done anything" - but should we wait until he does?
So, my wife called and the police said, "Maybe he just wants to sit outside" and won't send a car to have a word. Yeah, maybe he does - but considering this is a place of houses, he would likely have plenty of other places to get a little fresh air, rather than a children's playground. Yes, I understand that he is in all likelihood harmless, but complacency when it comes to this kind of thing is ill-advised in my experience.
I think that the reason why most people choose to mind their own business isn't because they aren't concerned, it is more that they feel that there is a social cost for being wrong - it is politically incorrect to "accuse" people just based on their appearance or how they make you feel. But, the social cost can be much lower than the real cost if something does happen.
In my opinion, children need to learn a lot about human behavior when they are young, but most parents either fail to teach or protect their kids so heavily that they don't learn for themselves. The cost of learning about outlier behavior shouldn't be through getting kidnapped or stabbed to death - but we have created a world where we do not teach our kids about how to identify strangeness and how to behave once they have. We tell them "don't talk to strangers" when strangers can be their source of protection under various circumstances, as long as they choose their stranger well - in general, if kids are in trouble they are better off approaching a woman than a man.
"How sexist!"
But, it is this kind of political correctness that gets people into trouble, as they don't want to appear rude and judgmental. Yet, this is the way we have to be and when it comes to our own safety or more importantly, that of our children, I believe that we should be willing to accept offending people and accept being offended. I personally would rather parents be cautious and risk offending me, if they think that they are doing what is right by their children's safety.
Not everyone feels this way of course, because they want to be treated as individuals, not lumped into a stereotype - which I understand - but when decisions need to be made quickly when the potential cost is child safety, heuristics are the way to go. Having the habit of "do nothing until something is done" will work out just fine, *until it doesn't.
Since our daughter was born, we have given her a massive amount of freedom to explore her surroundings as she chooses, but it has been in areas where the costs of her errors are very small. This has given her a lot of independence, confidence and I believe, has aided her skill development greatly. Exposing her to risk for her to negotiate allows her to build strategies for both the approach and the failure, strategies that she can then build upon as time and her experiences progress.
Even though she is young, one of the games we play and she really enjoys is watching people and observing what they do. She is better at this game than me and far more observant of outlier conditions, things that are out of place or have changed. In time, this will be supplemented with interactions and observations so that she can develop an understanding of how people behave in the real world.
I think that when we and our children spend so much time online and in front of screens, we lose a lot of the learning surrounding nuanced behavior, micro-expressions and physical timing cues that can indicate when something is off. This means that in the real world, we are less attuned to knowing when someone is telling the truth or, they have something they are hiding.
The screens that we watch caricature life, give us exaggerated theater poses and expressions and close ups of individual body language indicators, not the clusters of them that we would need to make a good judgement in real life. And they definitely don't support us in being able to group indicators and make split-second judgments to get a good feel of a situation. When we live life through an engineered lens, the randomness of life is hard to negotiate, even if we feel we are good judges of character and circumstances.
Many say, " I am a good judge of character" yet fail to recognize all of the times they were wrong. One indicator might be all of those who were in relationships that turned sour, but people will justify it through "they changed" without realizing that it is much more likely, that is the way they always were - they just failed to see the truth.
This is part of the learning experience of life, but do we ever learn to see clearly, do we see what we want to see or, do we see what we are conditioned to see?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I think it's fair to be weary of this guy, even though it does sound as if he's lost the plot a little or in dire need of social contact. Maybe you could go sit on the swing and flex your Finnish? :D
What a bizarre idea! lmfao.
Why would you, you know, go out and just talk to the chap, and suss it out from there?
(alternatively you can rely on 'the authorities' to come sort something out that may not actually exist in reality, for you'...Mmmmmm)
What a fearful and dark world some people inhabit.
Yep, likely harmless, but @smallsteps isn't going to play there alone - and I have warned the other parents I know
"Oletteko Pedo?"
I think that is the polite form ^
Yeah, probably just say nothing and watch over then :)
That'll make me the creepy one - and because I am foreign, the police will come :D
Could just be the mask?
LMFAO...!!!
😁
Or the ball gag
Before you had a daughter, would you pay attention to this guy? Is it true that people change when they become parents?
I have changed a lot.
Po
https://twitter.com/Andruto2/status/1257971272031645698shYep, I would have, but maybe I am more aware now that there is a higher cost to the judgement.
Hey do you remember which one of your posts has that redacted document about Dan _____ using blockchain to take over social media?
Do you still have that document somewhere I'm looking for it.
https://steemit.com/conspiracy/@tarazkp/leaked-report-facebook-cia-blockchain-us
You do realize I wrote it though, right? :D
Ha yeah I was just looking for it and that's all I could remember about the post.
Yeah, don't call the cops. All they bring to the equation are threats and aggression.
Go talk to the guy. If he's not a parent he may not even be aware of the red flags he's throwing up. Might just be trying to clear his head, and have a good think.
He had already been spoken to by my wife, before my wife knew he had been there all day. She brought it up before I had a chance to. The neighbors (our friends) have also been keeping an eye on him.
Generally in Finland, police are not the "threat and aggression" kind of people - sometimes to a fault. Finland has very low petty crime, but when it comes to random acts of violence from mentally ill, it is pretty high imo. As I have joked in the past, Finns bury their feelings, until they go on a murder spree with an axe.
Unless they're going to stay indefinitely (doubtful since they wouldn't show up in the first place), being the neighbourhood that called the cops on him is a great way to move up the location rankings if he finally snaps.
You have every right to be concerned and it’s very disappointing that the police just brushed it off. As a parent I know exactly how you feel. We just want to protect our little ones! Question though...why didn’t you go up and talk to the guy on the swing? I’m an introvert but have learned from husband to tackle things head on and sometimes you’d be surprised how things go when you deal with them yourself instead of involving, in this case, the police.
My wife already spoke to him, before she knew he had sat there all day. She said he was weird, but "hadn't done anything" so she didn't want to call. I have no issue with confrontation.
I would walk over to him. Alone of course. Vet him out. You need to know for your family, for your safety. If You have a bad vibe follow thru. A short "hello my name is"
Convo will quickly lay to rest if it is nothing, and may gain you a local friend you can feel good about.
We both know the other direction it could go. But it needs to be done. That is Your Territory now and for your family and neighbors. It needs to be done in my opinion. It is just a conversation after all. He will dictate where it goes from there.
He had already been spoken to - and came up "weird vibe".
I agree. We need real life because the screens give us a distorted picture.
And I think that we become less attentive overall, less observant of our surroundings.
This is well documented phenomenon and is called "public ignorance". TL:DR the larger the community the more pronounced it is and it is based on the fact people tend to think that somebody else will take action.
It's good you called the cops, if he means no harm there is nothing wrong if cops ask him a question or two he wants socializing anyways:). If he will be there the next day, give another call and they will have to take action since all your calls are documented and registered i am sure.
Yep, and there is also the "if I can't be singled out as having not taken action" issue. The cops didn't even do a drive by, but I am sure if it was me sitting there for 9 hours of the day and no one knew me, they would have. My wife spoke to him last night, without knowing he had sat there all day and said that he was strange, but still didn't want to call - after finding out how long he was there yesterday and that he is back today. Finland is a safe country in general, but Finns hold a false sense of security.
that point is correct, social cost for being wrong. Everybody wanted to be a nice guy infront of the society. So they try to avoid these kind of taking small precautions.
Everyone wants to be nice until something bad happens to them, then they want revenge.
She is so cute little princess 👸
She is :)
Im be happy if you support my blog too 😉 🤗 thanks ❤️
To the weird world of Twitter
I love it when Ciara takes me to the park.
I don't think you are allowed to dump 💩 in the park - Maybe Ciara can
You're too scared to go sound this guy out? o_O
Lol no. The last time I went to sound someone like this out, they took a swing at me and I pushed them down a hill :D Some people don't like hearing broken Finnish. My wife has already spoken with him prior to knowing that he had been there all day and had spoken with the neighbor (her friend) about him. Normally she wouldn't have even mentioned it. But still "he hasn't done anything" so can't call the police - a normal Finnish attitude.
A few years back (maybe ten), there was a guy who wanted mental health help, but didn't get any - so he went to a park and stabbed a girl to death and then waited for the police to come. When they arrived he said, "Now they will want to talk to me" - We live in a messed up world.
For a fact...that guy is really creepy. Even at my age in where i come from, if i see a strange person for too long in a partivular place i might just not pass that area till I am sure the person is no longer there... i feel it is safer to just leave ut at dont talk to strangers. It is way safer than the consequences of teaching them how to interact with strangers but what do i know. Nice write up @tarazkp
Nah, the safest thing for kids is teaching them how to interact with strangers and identify threats.