It is the first of May today - the traditional start of the growing season and is between the Spring and Summer solstice. It is also the day I asked my wife to marry me.
It seems so long ago, but I remember feeling weirdly nervous about it all - even after spending the last few months getting a ring of my mother's from Australia for the diamond (courtesy of my sister who inherited the jewelry) and then designing and having it made. The design represents our early communication and signifies a heart in a box.
I wasn't nervous about her saying no, nor about the decision I made to ask her, I was nervous about the way I was going to ask her and whether it would be something that she would remember and appreciate. Some people do big fancy song and dances - I took her to the local May Day market for cotton candy - it was cold and rainy that day - not ideal. But, she did say yes and as they say - the rest is history - still in the making.
I think that over the last almost decade we have been together, we have seen and been through a lot. It probably isn't much more than any other couple out there, if any, but when it is your life, it obviously carries extra weighting.
Everything is funny, until it happens to you.
Well, everything is funny overall by my measure, as this life can be so ridiculous at times that one can only laugh at the sheer stupidity and futility of it all. What I have found is that if you can't find the humor in the pain, the humor in the better times is hollow and lacking - it takes the juxtaposition, the contrast between the good and the bad of life to identify and appreciate the things that actually matter in this life.
Sharing life with someone matter in my opinion, though it doesn't have to be in a marriage or love relationship. Intimacy isn't physical, it is a psychological closeness, and understanding of each other and the willingness to be vulnerable. A lot of people look to find intimacy without forming relationships where it is possible, they look for it from strangers online, thinking that all it requires is sharing their mind with whoever will listen - or potentially be listening.
There is intimacy value in this too, but it is the intimacy of getting to know oneself and if one is willing to pay attention and explore, the discoveries made could be among the most valuable in life. But still, what good is the knowing oneself without the context of relationships surrounding us - a disconnected island in a world that requires community collaboration in order to operate.
As much as some people might like to say they are independent, no one is by design - each of us have come through a history of humanity to be here today, each of us carries scars of the past that were burned into us before we were born. Genetically and socially.
One of those scars is the need for connection, the forming of relationships, the feeling that what we do in this world matters. Again, many people turn toward a digital representation of connection to fill the void, as if broadcasting to the many makes up for building well with the few - quantity over quality - but in this life, it is not necessary, as long as we feel that we matter to one person in the world, that one person thinks that what we do is valuable.
I think that this is why new parents may have a greater sense of their worth and then feel abandoned when their children grow and move from the home, as the parent is no longer needed. The entire life as a parent is to make oneself obsolete, redundant - to raise the child to go out into the world and fend for themselves - create for themselves. Being a parent is to pour love into a person knowing that the end goal is that they will be strong enough to leave, and not look back.
I don't know about myself as a parent, but I do know that I married a brilliant mother and one that will consistently do right by her daughter. Right being - doing her best. No matter what is happening in the world, no matter what other pains exist - she will be there for our daughter and she will be as strong as she can be.
Perhaps this is where real intimacy lays, the willingness to give oneself to another despite the pain that may come - the acceptance of risk through trust, the openness to share what cannot be taken back and leave it up to someone else, an uncontrollable force, to do with as they please.
Love isn't painless - love is the entire spectrum of experience, pain included.
Start to finish.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
С первым мая )
Happy asked @momone to marry you day.
You must be the master of selfies man, I never get kissing-the-girlie selfies that good.
Shoot from behind your face to show more of hers helps :D
It was a lucky one - our first trip together - down by the beach in Barcelona.
Takes good photos, name-drops that he's been to Barcelona...Show off. Lol.
Yes, less of my robbers-dog mug makes any photo better. Spoke to R-dog today...Seems to be good. Says hello.
Funny thing about that photo is, it was taken at this time of year too - we arrived back from the trip on the 1st of May - we were there for her birthday :)
It's the circle of life.
Gets the Giorgio Armani in perfect focus ... haha
Lol.
I like this tip!
Mate c'mon. Mate. Maaaate. C'mon...
A bloke with your looks...No point hiding perfection from the camera broo. Lol.
If there's no denying my sheer handsomosity!! But a gentleman occasionally likes the lady to have the limelight ;0)
Handsome AF and a gentleman with impeccable manners and courtesy. I am not surprised sir.
Lol.
!tip 5000000
YEAH!! ALL THE TIPS!!
Friendship, similar interests and trust I suppose nearing 45 years with two adult sons. Negotiating daily obstacles, overcoming hurdles placed in your path, it truly is one day at a time, giving each other freedom of movement, allowing each other to develop into the better person they wish to be.
That teenage tingly feeling called love soon disappears once you settle with children, knowing the next years will come with many challenges, be ready to give and take!
I think this sums it up nicely.
The teenage love is like a caricature of love from someone who has read a vague description of it.
That's so emotional and nice! Very few guys actually remember these dates from life, lol. My boyfriend is still asking when it's our celebration..after almost 2 years, ha!
:) I like to remember some things at least. Actually, I wonder if it is because we rely on social media and calendars to remind us of everything and, we are reminded of a thousand things a day?
Most probably, haha
A true story of being married. I think that rainy day when you asked her to get married was a blessing and I also think it's romantic. Just like a scende in the movie where the girl lend into the shoulder of a man's shoulder while the rain pouring endlessly. lol that's just my imagination.
By the way it's true that we must know how to accept that pain or else the relationship will be ended.
I am not sure it was romantic, as I remember what I said to her when I proposed, but she did accept at least :)
gorgeous shot. Congrats
Thanks mate :)
Intimacy at times create space to discover about people much more than we understimate it.
Without space, nothing can grow.
I kept aww-ing. Happy engagement day!
Thank you very much :)
I like this...love is not painless truly
Pain is the greatest teacher in life. I have been taught a lot :D
You just made my day...
With your story I indulge in my past when me and @bhargavivkothari was seating in a room for deciding future as taking decision for our marriage.
It looks like the decision was made :)
Yes and proud of it after 14 years too...
Yes indeed
The immortal Mel Brooks :)
Love to know about you more man.
That one thing is very much right.
Intimacy is not physical.
It's like you said, the psychological closeness and the way we easily talk to other without words.
Hopes everything good happens to your family
Perhaps more than earlier, people seem to look to fill the void with more void - avoidance? :)
Beautiful
Thank you :)
belleza... Éxito!!!
I think of my 2 kids while reading this. They're really growing up fast. Time flies so fast, and I hope, me and my wife be ready when they leave our home. .. 😭
Happy asked-her-to-marry-you-versary :D
I really liked what you said about intimacy as a concept. Very true! And yes, love is not painless. Really nice story of proposing to your wife👍